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Human
February 21st, 2014, 03:41 PM
I have borderline personality disorder for a start, and I'm in a relationship. I think I'm in love at the moment.
But I get incredibly jealous, and it pushes her away from me sometimes and I'm scared my jealousy will one day end everything we have. If she likes someones profile picture on facebook I get incredibly depressed and I cry a load sometimes because I don't want her to leave me for someone better looking or better whatever. (I guess this is the fear of abandonment, most people say that borderlines are worst in a relationship because they feel like they need to cheat first before there partners do to have a one up, personally I never would cheat however, even if there were to be no consequences, I just wouldn't.)
I really don't know how to get over these issues with jealousy... I'm not that insecure with my physical body. I think I'm attractive and I think I'm a nice guy, but I guess this jealousy must stem from insecurities elsewhere.

I guess I'm just trying to vent but any help or support would be appreciated, I've never really been that open on here about my personal issues but recently this relationship has stressed me to the max.

AlexOnToast
February 21st, 2014, 03:49 PM
I hear you. When it comes to my boyfriend, yes I get edgy even when he just likes someones status and doesnt like mine.
As to how to decrease jealousy Levels, I'm really not too sure. I could tell you to keep in mind that YOU are the one she's in a relationship with, and none of those other guys, and that really means a whole lot more that just liking a photo on Facebook. Have you tried bringing it up with her ?

Human
February 21st, 2014, 03:57 PM
I hear you. When it comes to my boyfriend, yes I get edgy even when he just likes someones status and doesnt like mine.
As to how to decrease jealousy Levels, I'm really not too sure. I could tell you to keep in mind that YOU are the one she's in a relationship with, and none of those other guys, and that really means a whole lot more that just liking a photo on Facebook. Have you tried bringing it up with her ?

I've told her I get jealous but not the extent of it really... even though she loves me I know it'd be a bit weird for me to tell her "i cry when you say you like *actors name*" because at the end of the day it's just natural for her to find other people attractive and I don't want her to think I'm being a control freak or anything like that.

AlexOnToast
February 21st, 2014, 04:02 PM
I've told her I get jealous but not the extent of it really... even though she loves me I know it'd be a bit weird for me to tell her "i cry when you say you like *actors name*" because at the end of the day it's just natural for her to find other people attractive and I don't want her to think I'm being a control freak or anything like that.

Yeah I understand :( I'm afraid that there isn't a whole lot I can personally do, except let you know I'm here if you need a friend or someone to talk to

Human
February 21st, 2014, 04:04 PM
Yeah I understand :( I'm afraid that there isn't a whole lot I can personally do, except let you know I'm here if you need a friend or someone to talk to

Thanks, i appreciate just being able to vent to you

AlexOnToast
February 21st, 2014, 04:06 PM
Thanks, i appreciate just being able to vent to you

Anytime - I'm always online :)

jayce_xt
March 7th, 2014, 03:00 PM
I have borderline personality disorder for a start, and I'm in a relationship. I think I'm in love at the moment.
But I get incredibly jealous, and it pushes her away from me sometimes and I'm scared my jealousy will one day end everything we have. If she likes someones profile picture on facebook I get incredibly depressed and I cry a load sometimes because I don't want her to leave me for someone better looking or better whatever. (I guess this is the fear of abandonment, most people say that borderlines are worst in a relationship because they feel like they need to cheat first before there partners do to have a one up, personally I never would cheat however, even if there were to be no consequences, I just wouldn't.)
I really don't know how to get over these issues with jealousy... I'm not that insecure with my physical body. I think I'm attractive and I think I'm a nice guy, but I guess this jealousy must stem from insecurities elsewhere.

I guess I'm just trying to vent but any help or support would be appreciated, I've never really been that open on here about my personal issues but recently this relationship has stressed me to the max.

I hear you. When it comes to my boyfriend, yes I get edgy even when he just likes someones status and doesnt like mine.
As to how to decrease jealousy Levels, I'm really not too sure. I could tell you to keep in mind that YOU are the one she's in a relationship with, and none of those other guys, and that really means a whole lot more that just liking a photo on Facebook. Have you tried bringing it up with her ?

Jealousy, like all emotions, is sort of a "sensory reception". And you both understand that. You both also recognize that the jealous emotions you're feeling aren't all that great. I bet that, if you could go through life without ever feeling hurt, angry, or jealous, you'd do that in a heartbeat, right?

I used to be an extraordinarily jealous person. I understand exactly what you two are going through. And I had mixed feelings about my jealousy. On the one hand, I hated it. I knew, deep down, that getting so negative and worked up wasn't right. On the other, I felt justified somehow in feeling jealous. In many present-day Western societies, we're told that we are supposed to feel jealous over our significant others, and that it's the right way to be if "true love is there".

I want to let you both know that this isn't the case at all.

In a healthy relationship, there is an expectation of openness and honesty. This is realistic. There is also, however, an expectation that society pushes on us all: that "you are the only thing your partner should ever need, and that your partner should be consumed by the idea of being with you." This is absolutely untrue and unhealthy. Your partner has many dreams and desires, only some of which involve you. Likewise, not all of your dreams and desires will involve your partner. It is okay for you and your partner to find joys outside one another. This extends to careers, hobbies, entertainment, and even finding other people attractive. These are very natural things, and do not at all conflict with the desire you both feel for one another.

Understand that your partner finding other people attractive, or your partner giving positive attention to other people, does not at all negate their feelings for you. Love is not a limited resource. It is infinite and boundless. So even if he or she is sharing just a little love for another person's opinions, thoughts, or appearance, that will in no way, shape, or form affect his or her love for all that you are. Humans are naturally loving creatures (until social norms change them to be otherwise). It's not at all a bad thing to find appreciation in people or things other than you. It took me a while to realize this. But as a result, my life is far more relaxed, happy, and worry-free.

Hopefully this helps the two of you somehow, and I do hope you can find worry-free happiness.

Human
March 7th, 2014, 04:18 PM
Jealousy, like all emotions, is sort of a "sensory reception". And you both understand that. You both also recognize that the jealous emotions you're feeling aren't all that great. I bet that, if you could go through life without ever feeling hurt, angry, or jealous, you'd do that in a heartbeat, right?

I used to be an extraordinarily jealous person. I understand exactly what you two are going through. And I had mixed feelings about my jealousy. On the one hand, I hated it. I knew, deep down, that getting so negative and worked up wasn't right. On the other, I felt justified somehow in feeling jealous. In many present-day Western societies, we're told that we are supposed to feel jealous over our significant others, and that it's the right way to be if "true love is there".

I want to let you both know that this isn't the case at all.

In a healthy relationship, there is an expectation of openness and honesty. This is realistic. There is also, however, an expectation that society pushes on us all: that "you are the only thing your partner should ever need, and that your partner should be consumed by the idea of being with you." This is absolutely untrue and unhealthy. Your partner has many dreams and desires, only some of which involve you. Likewise, not all of your dreams and desires will involve your partner. It is okay for you and your partner to find joys outside one another. This extends to careers, hobbies, entertainment, and even finding other people attractive. These are very natural things, and do not at all conflict with the desire you both feel for one another.

Understand that your partner finding other people attractive, or your partner giving positive attention to other people, does not at all negate their feelings for you. Love is not a limited resource. It is infinite and boundless. So even if he or she is sharing just a little love for another person's opinions, thoughts, or appearance, that will in no way, shape, or form affect his or her love for all that you are. Humans are naturally loving creatures (until social norms change them to be otherwise). It's not at all a bad thing to find appreciation in people or things other than you. It took me a while to realize this. But as a result, my life is far more relaxed, happy, and worry-free.

Hopefully this helps the two of you somehow, and I do hope you can find worry-free happiness.
Thanks, that really does help. Actually I've recently been putting in effort to try and overcome this jealousy. I try to remember that it's natural for her to find people attractive, and I do too... so why do I get angry or jealous? Regardless, the feelings are still there but I can manage them a lot better now. When I'm in a bad mood it gets too much though sometimes.

MechaSniper
March 7th, 2014, 04:25 PM
Your cool dude. If there was someone she probably would of mentioned them by now.

Human
March 10th, 2014, 03:44 PM
Your cool dude. If there was someone she probably would of mentioned them by now.

I know there is no one, it's illogical to think there would be. But it doesn't change my feelings at all...

Karkat
March 10th, 2014, 03:56 PM
(I guess this is the fear of abandonment, most people say that borderlines are worst in a relationship because they feel like they need to cheat first before there partners do to have a one up, personally I never would cheat however, even if there were to be no consequences, I just wouldn't.).

Huh, I've thought BPD might be a possibility, but I've never looked into it seriously. However, I can relate to all of what you're saying a lot.

Well if you need anyone to talk to, I'm here. :yes: