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View Full Version : Are they unsupportive or am I ungrateful and needy?


crowdlost
November 6th, 2016, 07:36 PM
I haven't posted on this forums in a veeery long time, but it's been of great use to me in the past. In fact, it's been about 5 years since my last post I think. I just graduated college and I'm doing better in so many different areas in my life.

The one thing that hasn't changed is how I feel about my family. After graduation, I realized that what I studied in college wasn't for me and it's not what I want to pursue in life. I don't regret getting a degree in this major, but about two years into college, I realized what I really wanted to do, and I love that I had that time to "discover myself".

Now, I want to change careers, but not without working and having enough money to support me first. I moved in with my successful, engineer brother who lives in a small, middle-of-nowhere town. I want to live in a big city like NYC or LA because there are more opportunities there and because I love living in a city.

All my family wants is for me to get a steady 9-to-5 job and buy a house like my brother. I. Don't. Want. That.

I get that they're coming from a place of concern, but I can't shake the feeling that they're simply being unsupportive. I can't even bring up this conversation (about me wanting to chase my dreams) without being ridiculed with questions or responses like "oh come on, you can do that as a hobby", "no one loves what they do for a living anyway" or "people change what they want from life all the time".

It hurts to the point that I just nod and smile now. I can't get into a debate with them about this anymore, and my small group of friends agree with me that my dreams aren't far-fetched and I should never give up on them (we're only communicating via text now that I moved to be with my brother).

So, am I ungrateful? After all, my brother is letting me stay with him indefinitely and although I don't want to, for the time being I have no other choice. Are they being unsupportive or is it all in my head?

SethfromMI
November 6th, 2016, 07:53 PM
they are being supportive of you, just not in the exact way you want. you are living with your brother so he is clearly helping you. the advice your parents are giving you are coming from a very well meaning place. I am not saying to give up on your dreams or to not even move to a big city. just because you differ slightly though doesn't mean they aren't trying to help.

that being said, you can defend yourself and tell them what you want and what you are going for. your an adult, you get to make those decisions in life. be prepared to fund those dreams on your own if you have to. they're your dreams after all. if you know what you want, by all means go for it. but giving advice is a form of support and the fact they are helping you out right now says they do mean and want the best for you, even if your in disagreement about what the best for you is

crowdlost
November 6th, 2016, 08:05 PM
they are being supportive of you, just not in the exact way you want. you are living with your brother so he is clearly helping you. the advice your parents are giving you are coming from a very well meaning place. I am not saying to give up on your dreams or to not even move to a big city. just because you differ slightly though doesn't mean they aren't trying to help.

that being said, you can defend yourself and tell them what you want and what you are going for. your an adult, you get to make those decisions in life. be prepared to fund those dreams on your own if you have to. they're your dreams after all. if you know what you want, by all means go for it. but giving advice is a form of support and the fact they are helping you out right now says they do mean and want the best for you, even if your in disagreement about what the best for you is

Thanks for the comment! I guess I would be more comfortable "defending myself" if I was able to literally walk out right now and live on my own. But financially, that's impossible at the moment, and the more I live with my brother alone, the more I find myself suffocating.

It also goes back to the fact that no one from my family really opens up to one another. It's the farthest thing from a healthy family: alcoholic father, distant older sister, and I'm a closeted gay and there's so, so, so much more.

But I'll definitely take into account what you said :) at the moment, there isn't much I can do to change the situation anyway, so I appreciate the help!

SethfromMI
November 7th, 2016, 06:55 PM
Thanks for the comment! I guess I would be more comfortable "defending myself" if I was able to literally walk out right now and live on my own. But financially, that's impossible at the moment, and the more I live with my brother alone, the more I find myself suffocating.

It also goes back to the fact that no one from my family really opens up to one another. It's the farthest thing from a healthy family: alcoholic father, distant older sister, and I'm a closeted gay and there's so, so, so much more.

But I'll definitely take into account what you said :) at the moment, there isn't much I can do to change the situation anyway, so I appreciate the help!

no problem and your situation is hard for you, I know. try to work towards those goals though which can help you get to the point where you will be able to pursue what you want, even if it means doing something your not in love with for the time being

as far as family, I know many have problems communicating for different reasons. just try to express yourself and be true while being respectful of where they are coming from

jamie_n5
November 8th, 2016, 08:04 PM
I think that your family is being supportive in their own way. I am sure that they just want what's best for you. You never mention what your college degree is in and the job you had. You don't tell us what your dream life and career is either. Without that information it is hard to make a full judgement and give a total opinion or advice. I would say though however I think following your dreams and being happy does outweigh a lot of things. I wish you good luck and hope that your family supports your decision.