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davdev17
October 17th, 2016, 06:24 PM
I wrote this about what it is like to have depression, for me:


When you have depression, everything sucks.

You choke down the pills everyday in hope that they will finally work. They donít.

The doctors switch you from medication to medication, and when none of them work, they say that this isnít a medicine problem.

Colors literally become duller.

Sad movies are sadder and happy movies arenít happy.

You try doing lots of different hobbies, but you canít find enjoyment in any of them.

You can actually sleep on Christmas Eve, because nothing excites you anymore.

A lot of the time you feel numb, but sometimes a wave of sadness will come crashing down on you and you can no longer stand so you sit down and feel completely exhausted while you try not to sob.

It is hard to sleep at night because you are thinking about how much you hate everything and you are fighting against yourself to stay alive.

When you do sleep, you donít dream.

No matter how much sleep you get you always feel tired.

Everybody around you is singing but you canít find your tune.

You have no motivation to do anything.

School sucks because if you do somehow get the motivation to do something, you canít focus on it.

You hate yourself for everything that you have ever done wrong.

You get told that you shouldnít feel this way because other people have it so much worse than you. That makes you feel even more guilty.

ďJust stop being sad.Ē How can I do that?

Everyone irritates you, even the people that you love the most, so you push everybody away and isolate yourself.

You donít want to go and visit family because the thought of pretending that you are happy exhausts you.

With every step that you take, the anvil on your heart gets heavier.

The thought of giving up crosses your mind daily, but you hold on only because you picture your how devastated your family would be at your funeral.

You walk around breathing, but you arenít living.

Just JT
October 17th, 2016, 07:41 PM
I so get this

Amethyst Rose
October 17th, 2016, 07:47 PM
I can identify with that... some painful memories there.

Brightwolf
October 21st, 2016, 10:22 PM
I've been feeling this lately.

NoahNoah
October 22nd, 2016, 12:18 AM
Not wanting to do anything. Not wanting to be anything. Not wanting to be at all. I don't necessarily want to die. I just want to have never existed.

Abhorrence
October 22nd, 2016, 08:50 AM
I wrote an entire poetry collection on depression. Sadness really lets the soul write better! :P

Shock96
October 22nd, 2016, 04:16 PM
I hope this is getting better for. It's definitely rough to experience, and like you said-- it's not as easy as just "cheering up." If it were that easy, I don't think anyone would be depressed.

Keep up the good fight, don't give up. Depression is most often treatable, but not without a lot of pain and effort from your end. If you give up, then it has truly won. Do you have a counselor that you see? I absolutely hate counseling. Don't like talking to people about my problems, especially when it's so hard to get out of bed and go to the appointments, but there's no denying that it's helpful.

It WILL get better for you, don't give up! And remember that you have a lot of people here more than willing to lend an ear. :)

Matt

Pulp501
November 19th, 2016, 07:31 PM
This describes my thoughts and day to day life so perfectly. It's like I'm here physically in my body, but I have no life, at first it was like my spirit was dead, and now that has lead to me quite literally having no life because I've lost my friends, I've lost interest in the things I used to enjoy, I'm too sad to work, I just do nothing. The stuff about the family is totally true for me. I hate being around them and I've pushed them away to where I can no longer go to them for support, and I hate having to act happy around them, but they're the only reason I don't kill myself. Sometimes I actually resent them for that.

ethan-s
November 21st, 2016, 06:29 PM
Yep, you described it perfectly. Depression is a disease I would never wish on my worst enemy's.

steellord321
November 22nd, 2016, 12:39 PM
Always tired is the worst for me. Its like being a hospital patient at times. I lay in bed for 3-4 days even in summer. When i can get up within an hour i look forward to sleep again. Its not even negative thoughts so much as lack of interest in the world

I knew i'd lose interest in certain things i loved as a kid but other teens all around me take up new interests. I can't get into any of it

I also agree about the stigma and others especially parents giving you relentless shit to "buck up" My brain is diseased and if i agree with them and start blaming myself for it all i don't see how i can continue

Maybe others can relate at least some

benbeny
November 27th, 2016, 06:17 AM
I am currently struggling with depression... and the mood stabilizer (valproate) only makes things worse... but without valproate I am getting anxious and very mood swings, from angry to sad in a couple of minutes...