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View Full Version : Was I sexually assaulted? Is it my fault?


impan1019
October 2nd, 2016, 07:23 AM
Okay so my ex boyfriend and I were at the homecoming dance last night. In the car we were making out, he was squeezing my breasts and I let him. At the dance I let him at first, and i let him start to touch me through my underwear, and he had me touch him through his dress pants. However, after a few seconds I started getting super uncomfortable and I told him to stop 4 times and he didnt... it took 5 times saying stop to make him stop. I removed my hand from his genitals, and he kept trying to move it. He kept pushing and asking me if in the car he could and i kept saying no, and he kept asking. In the car previously i said he could but if i say no it means no. So i want to know was i sexually assaulted and is it my fault?

Uniquemind
October 2nd, 2016, 01:29 PM
Never your fault you communicated clearly.


Ugh this is that old "if you don't succeed try try again" motto we learn as kids and in boys brains they apply to sexual advancements and flirting...damage has to be undone, that persistence, is not a virtue once you hear a "No".

You couldn't have been more clear.


However whatever you consented to before "no" was not abuse, it became abuse once you said "no" and he was continuing to do so.

Zachary G
October 2nd, 2016, 02:30 PM
whatever you consented to before "no" was not abuse, it became abuse once you said "no" and he was continuing to do so.

No, its not your fault. You went as far as you were comfortable with and once you were uncomfortable with what was going on, you told him "NO!" and at that point he should have stopped. If he continued after your telling him "NO!" several times then techinically he assulted you.

Shock96
October 19th, 2016, 02:39 AM
I agree with what Zack said, except for maybe the part about what happened before you said "no" not being abuse. Not saying no isn't necessarily a yes. A good relationship will have clear boundaries-- you'll both know what the other is comfortable with, and respect those limits.

The fact that he didn't stop when you said no shows that he doesn't respect you or your feelings. I don't want to sound like I'm overreacting, but you really need to leave him. The fact that he kept moving your hand back to his genitals after you told him you were uncomfortable and said no is disgusting.

This was absolutely sexual assault, and you are NOT at fault for it. The thing about consent (saying yes) is that it only goes as far as you want it to. If one consents to kissing, then that's all the other should be doing. If you consented to him touching your genitals earlier in the night, and then decide that you don't want him to, then that consent is GONE, and he should have stopped IMMEDIATELY.

Communication is very important when it comes to sex/anything sexual. A healthy relationship will have good communication, and you will both respect each others boundaries.

To say it one more time... he was beyond wrong, and you should tell an adult you trust about it. You can talk to a school counselor and they can help you decide what to do. What happened is nothing to be embarrassed about, so please don't feel that way. Sex is a natural and normal thing, but only when both people's wishes are respected. Until you decide what you are going to do as far as who to tell, etc. I would not be alone with him.

Let me know if I can give any further advice, or if you have any other questions. Good luck.

Matt

Godsdaughter
October 20th, 2016, 07:19 PM
This was absolutely NOT your fault. And it absolutely WAS sexual assault. Your boyfriend clearly does not respect your wishes and if he truly loved you, he would respect you. What he did was disgusting and you should not only leave him, but you should tell a trusted adult immediately.

BryGuy
January 13th, 2017, 03:39 PM
It wasn't your fault and I agree yes it was assault

Emilyyy
January 14th, 2017, 06:41 AM
If you said no to him and he didn't respect your wishes then it wasn't your fault and yes what he did was wrong and assault.

Devinsoccer
January 14th, 2017, 09:46 PM
Yes it is assault. It is also rape. Its not ur fault

pconnor
January 14th, 2017, 09:58 PM
Absolutely not your fault.

Tobyisnotdead
January 28th, 2017, 01:29 PM
I agree with what Zack said, except for maybe the part about what happened before you said "no" not being abuse. Not saying no isn't necessarily a yes. A good relationship will have clear boundaries-- you'll both know what the other is comfortable with, and respect those limits.

The fact that he didn't stop when you said no shows that he doesn't respect you or your feelings. I don't want to sound like I'm overreacting, but you really need to leave him. The fact that he kept moving your hand back to his genitals after you told him you were uncomfortable and said no is disgusting.

This was absolutely sexual assault, and you are NOT at fault for it. The thing about consent (saying yes) is that it only goes as far as you want it to. If one consents to kissing, then that's all the other should be doing. If you consented to him touching your genitals earlier in the night, and then decide that you don't want him to, then that consent is GONE, and he should have stopped IMMEDIATELY.

Communication is very important when it comes to sex/anything sexual. A healthy relationship will have good communication, and you will both respect each others boundaries.

To say it one more time... he was beyond wrong, and you should tell an adult you trust about it. You can talk to a school counselor and they can help you decide what to do. What happened is nothing to be embarrassed about, so please don't feel that way. Sex is a natural and normal thing, but only when both people's wishes are respected. Until you decide what you are going to do as far as who to tell, etc. I would not be alone with him.

Let me know if I can give any further advice, or if you have any other questions. Good luck.

Matt
Yes, let's ruin someone's life before it has even begun. He would we charged as an adult for being a horny teenager. Now if he wasn't a horny teenager it would be completely acceptable to tell.

Atlantis
January 28th, 2017, 02:04 PM
This thread was bumped. :locked: