PDA

View Full Version : My mom expects too much from me


akward_banana
September 23rd, 2016, 09:45 AM
Hi, I just registered on the forums and was looking for help and input on this matter. You can scroll to the bottom if you think this is TL;DR (too long didnt read). I apologize if this is too much but this problem has been bugging me for a long time. I am currently in the second last year of my secondary school (2 years before college).

Normally, my mom is usually helpful and friendly when she's in a good mood. But once in a while she gets angry at me for seemingly no reason at all. It usually starts off with her asking me about literally anything. Then she starts getting pissed at me because she probably thinks that I'm not taking it seriously. So recently I took this English Assessment at my school. It cost a reasonable sum of money so she encouraged my to take it. So a friend of mine, let's call him B. So B usually gets more or less the same marks in English (school exams) as me. B scored 42/60 in the assessment while I scored 38/60.

When my mom saw the result, she seemed fine with it. After a few minutes she came back to my room and then asked my why I didn't score a higher mark. So I told her about B's marks and she didn't seem to care about B and started criticizing my marks. First she says that my English is bad and that I do not read enough books. The thing about this is that my English is actually one of the best among my friends. And then she continues rambling about English being the most important language (no shit) and that I need to improve it so that I can find a job in the future. She also says that I have to "PROVE" that my English is good enough by writing essays all the time.

The worst part about this is that she gets furious if I'm not standing still, looking at her or fumbling with something with my hand while she scolds me. She takes ages to finish her "talk" because she can relate it to everything and then keep on criticizing me with that particular topic (and so on). Once she decides on something, she will not BUDGE no matter what I tell her or even argue with her about. She just tries to shrug me off her back. For example, she wants me to go to this 5-day motivational camp in the holidays. It is freaking expensive (equivalent to around $110) so I told her it was not worth it. Besides I hate those type of camps. But of course she just says "rather than playing games all day you should do something useful". Basically she's ignorant and does not want to listen to my opinions. She absolutely does not want to listen to my opinions when it comes down to these issues.

I know that she cares about me and that giving long talks are basically what moms do most of the time. However I feel that my mom is too much for me to handle but I can't do anything about it. The problem is that she gets angry all the time when she gives long talks. I'm already 16 but she treats me like I'm younger. I am mature enough to think for myself at this point but she just has to ruin my day by doing what she does.


TL;DR
1) Mom gets very serious when it comes down to my studies
2) She starts getting angry if I'm not acting serious enough
3) She will give an extremely long talk and relate everything to it. By everything I literally mean it, she will find reasons just to continue talking.
4) She ALWAYS criticizes me for not being good enough at English
5) She never listens to my opinions once she has decided on it.
6) If I say something back at her she will get angry at me even if it's correct.

So what I want to ask from whoever can help me is:
1) What does my mother expect from me? (I'm not overly-enthusiastic about everything)
2) Do you think she expects too much from me?
3) What can I do about this? Deal with it?

If anyone could help me with this that would be amazing. I seriously doubt that I can do anything about my mother but would just like to know how to deal with it. Thanks :)

Rendez-Vous
September 23rd, 2016, 10:27 AM
Well, I only can say that I can understand you. My dad is wicked sick about my marks and he is always criticizing me when he's in bad mood. But if I'm not in a fight with my mum, then she comes in and say something so he would calm down. If I'm arguing with both parents - I just go to my room/to the balcony or somewhere else and wait until they calm down. Usually it helps, but they can be mad at me for ages, so I'm just waiting and trying not to provoke them.

Phosphene
September 23rd, 2016, 10:32 AM
Welcome akward_banana. :) Based on everything you said, your mom just has your best interest at heart. She cares about your success in life. She's definitely going about showing it the wrong way though. Instead of criticizing you she should be encouraging you, and if anything she should give constructive criticism that won't tear you down.

So to answer your questions:

1. She expects you to try your hardest and accomplish good things.
2. In a way, yes. She's going about it the wrong way--not listening to your opinions and criticizing your grades, even if they are good, won't make you do any better.
3. I would sit down with her when she's in a good mood and talk to her about it. Let her know how her attitude makes you feel.

Good luck :)

akward_banana
September 24th, 2016, 12:05 AM
That's good to hear. I don't have fights with her mostly I just listen to her mumble away.

Endeavour
September 24th, 2016, 09:42 AM
She is being a little bit extreme, but on the whole I don't really think she is expecting too much from you. She wants you to do your best, so that's why she does go on about your grades. But I do agree with what others have said, try and talk to her and say how she makes you feel.

jamie_n5
September 24th, 2016, 07:44 PM
Your mom may be pushing you a bit too hard. I am sure that she just wants you to do your best and well. She definitely needs to listen to you. Your opinion counts too. I think you should try discuss things with her. Tell her that the method she is using is hurting to you and that it bothers you a lot. Tell her that you always try your best. I hope things will improve for you.

AussieNicholas
September 27th, 2016, 02:13 AM
You're at the age where you are the one to decide what is useful to you, not your parents. Your mother shouldn't be forking out $110 for a camp you don't want to go on while giving you hell about your grades. High school isn't easy, and college is much worse according to everyone who goes there, and the last thing you need right now is someone telling you that you have to put more effort in. Assuming you put the effort in, have good marks in school, and know what your plan is after college, then your mother has no reason to add more stress.