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RSDYoungster
September 21st, 2016, 11:38 AM
Hey guys,

this guy I hate at school keeps touching me in weird places and calling me and telling everyone that I am gay. I don't know how to respond...

Cadanance00
September 21st, 2016, 11:43 AM
This is a form of bullying. Treat it as such. Go to authority if you need to.

RSDYoungster
September 21st, 2016, 11:46 AM
This is a form of bullying. Treat it as such. Go to authority if you need to.

Yeah obviously it is considered bullying.
Going to an authority never works for me as it makes you seem weaker
how should I respond to this - with little or no violence

Gwen
September 21st, 2016, 12:13 PM
Without violence your only option is to tell him to stop, if that fails you are kind of down to going to someone like a teacher or parent. Just doing nothing and hoping to not appear weak isn't going to do you any good now or in the long run, handling it yourself just shows that you aren't going to rat people out. That would probably make him more inclined to do it if he gets away with it forever.

Hideous
September 21st, 2016, 12:49 PM
That's sexual harassment, I'd report it to your school authority.

PlasmaHam
September 21st, 2016, 01:33 PM
We clearly have different ways to manage this. I personally would make sure that guy didn't touch me, and I would back it up with violence as necessary. I have the size and the will to back it up. That's not necessarily the most moral thing to do, but it would fix the problem.

You however, are insisting on a nonviolent and a presumably non-confrontational answer. I have two suggestions. One is to turn the other cheek and ignore him. If you show that you don't care what the guy says, then it will show you as the better man, as well as discourage the guy from continuing. Another suggestion, like stated above, is to get help from some form of authority. When and if you do such, try to get some other kids who have also been harassed by this guy to back up your claims.

ClaraWho
September 21st, 2016, 02:04 PM
Firstly any escalation to violence will simply give him reason to either;

A) become more physical himself.
B) Report you. Bullies are the first to run to teachers when the tables are turned.

This is where the difference is between mature and immature. Maturity is calling in the authority when rules are broken. That is how civilised society functions, hence we have a justice system, police, etc. Why when you have so much back-up would you waste your time in him? Don't you just want to get on with your life? Share the problem so you outnumber and can tackle him as a team, transparently, with the law on your side.

Two wrongs don't make a right. And FYI, no girl I know is impressed by guys fighting, it's all extremely juvenile. I can tell you don't want to pursue that route, so I would encourage my earlier advice.

Good luck,

~ Clara

Madison519
September 21st, 2016, 02:37 PM
I'd consider this a form of bullying at the very least. I would report it to your school principal and let him/her determine if it crosses other lines. You should not be subjected to unwanted touching.

PlasmaHam
September 21st, 2016, 03:08 PM
Firstly any escalation to violence will simply give him reason to either;

A) become more physical himself.
B) Report you. Bullies are the first to run to teachers when the tables are turned.

I don't think that standing up for yourself while someone physically beats or abuses you can be really seen as a wrong. If someone was beating you up, would you just crawl into a corner and let them?

The problem is, the system often protects the guilty over the innocent. Sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands to get things done. I wasn't saying that physical fighting was the right choice, but if someone was physically all over me, fighting back was going to get a lot more done than having some teacher give the guy a warning. If the guy wants to report it, sure. But if that guy is a constant bully like the OP seemed to have implied, he wouldn't have much to back up his claims.

As a guy, I would like to say I understand what the OP said about being seen as weak. But it is a guy thing, so I don't expect you to understand.

ClaraWho
September 21st, 2016, 03:31 PM
I don't think that standing up for yourself while someone physically beats or abuses you can be really seen as a wrong. If someone was beating you up, would you just crawl into a corner and let them?

The problem is, the system often protects the guilty over the innocent. Sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands to get things done. I wasn't saying that physical fighting was the right choice, but if someone was physically all over me, fighting back was going to get a lot more done than having some teacher give the guy a warning. If the guy wants to report it, sure. But if that guy is a constant bully like the OP seemed to have implied, he wouldn't have much to back up his claims.

As a guy, I would like to say I understand what the OP said about being seen as weak. But it is a guy thing, so I don't expect you to understand.

Thanks for the casual sexism, not really sure why you're replying when my post was to the OP, but okay. To avoid going off topic I'm going to ignore that last comment, but will refer you to my previous post as a response.

Firstly don't misconstrue and twist what I said please. He isn't being 'beaten' or 'touched' as he is writing this post. This post is retrospective, with no immediate danger, and he is asking for what steps to take to prevent it happening again.

He has nothing to lose by involving a teacher. Think it through.

Either he is weak and cannot fight, in which case violence isn't going to help... Just make things worse.

OR

He speaks to the teacher, the bully ignores this, he then uses violence to protect himself.

The OP is in a much better position either way by telling the authority. He has recourse against discipline by explaining 'You didn't stop him so I had to'.

There's nothing mature or grown up about using violence, and after you turn of legal age that becomes a legal matter real fast. We've evolved past such a caveman mentality for dealing with problems, and certainly all the guys I know and respect would pursue a verbal solution first.

Violence should always be a very final resort, not the first.

We've both expressed our opinions though, so now i feel we should stop commenting and leave it for the OP to deliberate upon.

~ Clara

Abhorrence
September 21st, 2016, 06:41 PM
This is harassment, both physically and verbally. There's absolutely no shame in informing an authority about this - whether this be a teacher or a parent. Sometimes it feels embarrassing to 'snitch' on someone but this has to be treated as a serious matter as it could grow into something more if it is not immediately sorted out.

Bull
September 21st, 2016, 09:40 PM
I agree that it should be reported, when you do take a witness with you and I would say record the report.

Drewboyy
September 21st, 2016, 09:46 PM
I've gotten into an actual fight once in my whole life and almost knocked the kid out because I hit him so hard so people don't really pick on me. There was however a rumor that I was gay once and threatened the hell out of him until he backed down and lost some friends.

But since you want no violence: turn the other cheek, tell someone, or (my personal favorite) play with his jokes. If he calls you gay ask him to take it out, if he touches you pretend you like it. He'd get weirded out real quick

jamie_n5
September 27th, 2016, 08:07 PM
Well you didn't ever say that if you were in fact gay or not. Regardless what he is doing is sexual harassment and bullying. Violence is never the answer. You really truly need to report this to an authority.

ImCoolBeans
September 28th, 2016, 08:58 AM
Firstly any escalation to violence will simply give him reason to either;

A) become more physical himself.
B) Report you. Bullies are the first to run to teachers when the tables are turned.

This is where the difference is between mature and immature. Maturity is calling in the authority when rules are broken. That is how civilised society functions, hence we have a justice system, police, etc. Why when you have so much back-up would you waste your time in him? Don't you just want to get on with your life? Share the problem so you outnumber and can tackle him as a team, transparently, with the law on your side.

Two wrongs don't make a right. And FYI, no girl I know is impressed by guys fighting, it's all extremely juvenile. I can tell you don't want to pursue that route, so I would encourage my earlier advice.

Good luck,

~ Clara

I agree with Clara. Violence is not only immature, but will only escalate the situation, and most likely get you in trouble as well. Don't stoop down to the bully's level and report it to your school disciplinary authority. That is sexual harassment.

Ragle
September 28th, 2016, 10:04 AM
how should I respond to this - with little or no violence

say in front of others to him: "You only say that because I didn't want to have sex with you when you tried to force me into it."

or such stuff.

PinkFloyd
September 28th, 2016, 01:21 PM
If you want to know the psychology behind it, it's one of two things. The odds are pretty good that he himself is dealing with a sexual identity issue, and takes it out on you; that or he's just as asshole.

Regardless, go to the office and report him.

Amethyst Rose
September 28th, 2016, 08:33 PM
I agree with what others have said above, you need to report it. You'd be surprised how quickly things can get taken care of, depending on who you tell and how they choose to deal with the situation. I was being bullied by a group of people and I told my parents about it. They told the principal and she moved me out of the class I was seeing these people in within the next 2 days, and I am so much happier now. I still see them but not as much. I was reluctant to tell anyone at first because I thought if I got taken out of the class, they would confront me about it and tease me for it. But they didn't. Tell someone. And remember, he's only harassing you because he's insecure about himself. Don't stoop to his level by using violence unless you have to physically defend yourself.

SeansLittleBro
October 15th, 2016, 12:34 PM
I agree with everyone that this guy is bullying you you dont' have to put up with it and he should be reported to the school no one should touch anyone without permission plus in school doesn't matter permission or not but isn't soemething that should happen

baron11
October 19th, 2016, 11:10 PM
Be stern and tell him not to harass you.
If he is calling you gay and touching you , that means he is a gay. You can do a psychological approach by getting a friend circle and calling him gay or he loves you know what.
Or as a good boy, you can alert the authorities and your parents.

Boy or girl don't let anyone touch you without your will.

dude_g
November 1st, 2016, 09:03 PM
Tell someone you can trust like a teacher to help you

datboijoey
December 10th, 2016, 11:16 AM
Hey guys,

this guy I hate at school keeps touching me in weird places and calling me and telling everyone that I am gay. I don't know how to respond...

Ask him if he's gay, maybe he wants to tell someone? My bestie had to ask me before I came out.

zack.zack
December 10th, 2016, 01:33 PM
1) nobody should touch you without your permission
2) speak up and let them know not to touch you
3) be bigger than the problem -- they are only saying things to try to get you to react, dont. Act as if you dont hear them and keep going about your business.
4) if things become too unbearable for you then you need to report it to someone, get some help.

dude_g
December 11th, 2016, 04:33 PM
I think you should joke about it and make him feel uncomfortable or regret it

Trevor.
December 30th, 2016, 03:33 AM
Hey guys,

this guy I hate at school keeps touching me in weird places and calling me and telling everyone that I am gay. I don't know how to respond...

This happened to me before, what I did was mean but stopped the person.
I started to moan and when someone walked by they told the principal that I was being abused by that student. He got in school suspension. When he came back he never did something like that again :)

katie3
December 30th, 2016, 08:09 PM
Next time he touches you and calls you gay in front of people just say something like that out loud "you're the one touching me" or "stop touching me and get out of the closet already". But seriously that's physical and sexual harassment, go to an authority.