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View Full Version : Suffered a great, Great loss


bfldworker
September 18th, 2016, 09:28 PM
It has been a while since I have been on here.

Before I start, I just want to say I am not depressed, I understand what happen and why. It is the whole emotion thing...

For anyone who has read my posts know my dad and I are incredibly close. Where he goes, I go. I love him, he is my dad and from what I see in the world, he is one of the better ones.

How do I start...

On July 20th at 3:30pm ish, my father had a massive heart attack (killing 50% of his heart muscle), while he was going out to his car to meet my step mom. When it hit he fell face first into a cement step. Fracturing his left eye socket as well as breaking his nose. No one was home at the time and a neighbor found him a few minutes later. He called 911 while doing CPR and mouth to mouth. EMS arrived and brought him back. He was put into a hypothermic coma to lessen the damage to his brain being his heart wasn't beating and he wasn't breathing for about 7 minutes. He came out of the coma 2 days later. From the go it was apparent he suffered severe brain damage. He had the personality of a 5-6 year old. He laughed and had fun. On the 27th of July he suffered another heart attack and they couldn't bring him back.

I guess my question is, is it normal to be absolutely numb about it?

Amethyst Rose
September 18th, 2016, 09:41 PM
I'm so sorry about your dad... my heart goes out to you. I've never lost someone so close to me, but I think it is completely normal to be numbed by it. You're probably just in shock and are trying to register what happened. It will get better, keep a positive mindset :hug:

bfldworker
September 19th, 2016, 05:20 PM
My original post is what I am talking about. It seems almost cold when I typed it. Yes I have cried, hysterically in fact. And there are times I am the only one not crying. During the funeral I was stone faced, even when the 21 gun salute happened, playing of TAPS, when my mom was given the flag, and the representative from the American Legion gave my brother, sister and I flags. I was the only one not crying. All I felt was a numb feeling all over my body. And during the day be it at school or home I just start crying for no reason. To be honest it is fucking maddening.

The teachers, counselors and a few close friends at school know what happened. The counselor told me it is to be expected, and that it is totally normal to be fine and the next a complete and total mess. He said it is like a pressure cooker, it lets a bit go at a time so it doesn't become overwhelmed and exploded. My Uncle told me not to bury it inside. I don't know if it is buried, if it is I haven't done it on purpose. Because of how close he and I were and also because he was my father it may be the way my mind is dealing with it.

I guess the part that really blows is that both my parents are gone. My mother died when I was a baby, and now my father. I told my mom I want to stay with her, she raised me from 2 years old until now and to be totally frank and honest I have always seen her as my mother. And my brother and sister feel the same way. My grandmother is saying we need to go live with one of our uncle's, but as my uncle's have said, don't listen to her. She is 95 and not all there. They know we don't want to leave and they are helping out with what they can.

I am glad my brother and sister are here, we have all helped each other through this. And it has made us closer. It just will never be the same.

I not only lost my father, but also my best friend.

mcdaniels
September 19th, 2016, 05:25 PM
i know what it is like to lose a parent who you were incredibly close with, whether you wanna pm me or talk on this either is ok with me. i lost my mam less than a year ago

jamie_n5
September 21st, 2016, 05:22 PM
I am so sorry for you man. It is perfectly normal to feel numb and all confused and just blank when you loose someone that you love. Grieving is a slow healing process we all go through. There are several stages and things that you will feel for the rest of your life. You loved your dad and he has been taken from you. You need to hang on to the memories and good times. I am afraid that is all that you have left. I lost my little brother to a cancerous brain tumor 13 years ago and a day still never goes by that I don't think about him and miss him. Hang in there buddy. I am here for you if you need me.

steellord321
October 17th, 2016, 02:04 AM
Man i want to reach across the screen and hug in the worst way after reading this...Unlike losing a friend there's just no way to replace a loss like that. My uncle lost his mom lately and said he is numb. Yeah he's a bit older but in a similar way they were very close and she was dead just 2 days after he came to visit. I was there too. What was shocking to me is to see this person and they're perfectly fine and the next, gone forever. Your emotions can't always keep up with this because it's like you half expect the person will be there in the morning, they must just be on vacation or something. If you ever spent a week away from your dad like at summer camp, then the first week it will feel like a repeat of that at times. Other times it will hit you all over again

I know this post was a month ago. But still i wonder how you coping now?