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DriveAlive
August 26th, 2016, 01:34 AM
This type of post is very rare for me. I usually do not share my emotions much on this forum and it is usually me giving the life advice. Then again, my time here is coming to an end so I can allow myself this type of uncharacteristic personal sharing.

I am heading to college in a few weeks. I am fortunate enough to be able to attend a great college and pursue a great degree all without any college debt. Yet, I do not want to go. I hate science and math classes, but that is what I have to study for pre-med. Even more than that, I have basically no motivation anymore to study or even pursue a career. All I want to do is crawl up in a ball in my bed and never leave. I feel like I will be completely overwhelmed with school and not able to manage my studies or my campus life.

Over the summer I started hanging out with three people from my high school who I never really knew but not absolutely love. They are the first true friends I have ever really had who I feel completely happy hanging around with. We probably hung out at least 3 times a week or more and for at least 8 hours at a time and yet we never got bored of each other. Now, they have all already left for college and I am so afraid that I will not see them again. We say that we will hang out on breaks but I fear that it will not happen. I do not know if I can live without them.

I am normally not super emotional or depressed or anything, but every few days, I get really depressed. However, now that I am going to college and losing my best friends, it is getting much worse. I can barely get through my day without being sad. I lock myself in my bathroom for hours just to be alone. I feel like crying constantly. I feel like I will throw up most days and many times I overeat and then make myself throw up. I just want to take drugs so that I can feel better. Without trying to self-diagnose myself, I believe that I have OCD and that it is getting a lot worse. I have bad compulsions that make my day bad.

Dalcourt
August 26th, 2016, 01:57 AM
Well that's really tough.
About the college thing...for me whenever I go back to school after vacation or start something new I feel depressed and anxious. I'm sick, can't eat and a shitload stuff like that. I usually always kinda freak out for at least a week or so.
However once I started this new thing or go back to school for a few days it gets better. So maybe it's the same with you?

About your classes are you unhappy with the career choice in general or is it just because of some classes you don't like. Cuz if you are unhappy with what you study in general maybe it would be better to rethink the whole thing and start something different the sooner the better. Doing something you are unhappy with would be a waste of your life so make the changes as long as you are young and energetic enough.
If it's just about certain courses you need to accomplish the whole thing...well then it's just pull through with it.
I do quite a few courses I'm not really to enthusiastic about but since they are useful and I will need that knowledge later I just get over it and do it.

The friends thing. I don't really know what to say to that. It's sure nice to have a good ti.e with someone but people in your life will always come and go. Sometimes it will be easier and sometimes it will be harder but that's what we all have to go through all of our life.

So as a whole it's good to show emotions and admit you feel bad about certain things sometimes. It's only human. I dunno if you have OCD or are just overwhelmed and stressed at the moment since I'm not a professional. But I feel that instead of locking yoursel up to be alone. You should go out...not partying and meeting people going out but just be out alone someplace you like. For me this is always far more relaxing than burying myself inside. I start feeling like a caged animal then and get even worse.

I think about a way to explain my advice a bit better later cuz now it's about 2 in the morning and I can't really find the right words.

Vermilion
August 26th, 2016, 03:54 AM
I know this isn't much help but wait till you start and see how it goes. Speak to them so they understand how you feel

DriveAlive
August 26th, 2016, 09:56 AM
I am so unhappy about what I am studying. I hate the math and science, but I have to take them for pre-med. I want to go into business, but I do not want a future stuck in middle management. I really want to be a comedian, but that is not something I can study in school and would be a potential waste of my future. I realize that I am not really passionate about anything and everything has become a burden.

I cannot bear to lose these friends. They are the first people I have ever been able to really talk to and spend my time with. We keep saying that we will hang out on our breaks and we text/snapchat each other a lot, but I do not know how long this will last. It is literally burning me up inside.

I have no choice but to try to be alone because I am finding it more and more difficult to stay composed around others. I am constantly upset and sad. I have no one to hang out with now that they are all away at college. This group of friends were the only people who have ever made me not feel unhappy and I need them in my life to counteract the unhappiness.

Dalcourt
August 26th, 2016, 12:23 PM
If you really wanna be a comedian you'll have to be very passionate about it and work really hard to reach that goal. And even if you work hard you may never be able to make a living of it. So it's up to you if you wanna take that risk.
If you aren't sure you could just keep up your studying as some sort of back up and look at your carrer as a comedian as a hobby...if it works and you can make a living on it the better.
And if you hate your current studies why don't you switch to business. Incorporating your wish to be a comedian would be easier if you would for example start your own business or whatever.
It's not like if you decide on something now you will have to stick to it for the rest of your life. There's always a plan B or C or D you know. You can change your life and take up something completely new whenever you want. You just have to be willing to. The notion that one gets stuck in a certain life till one dies exists just in cowards heads. Sorry to be that blunt.

I wouldn't worry too much about the friends thing. It's not over yet...you are still in contact so don't waste your time thinking about what might be in the future.
Overthinking has never been helpful to anyone.

DriveAlive
August 26th, 2016, 11:10 PM
I am not sure what is causing this. I think I am upset about not knowing what I want in life. Now that I am going into college, I feel like I am already lost. It gets even worse when I consider losing my closest friends. This is the only group of people I have ever been comfortable with enough to be myself. But I think these things are just inflaming an underlying sadness. Maybe once a week or so, I get cripplingly depressed. Now, it seems like I feel this way almost every day. I am throwing up and overeating and taking drugs. Nothing makes me happy. More than anything, I am just disheartened. I do not have any motivation anymore because I see no point. Sorry to be so whiny but I feel terrible right now and just want to share.

Dalcourt
August 26th, 2016, 11:21 PM
You ever tried professional help?
I'm usually no big fan for it for myself but maybe it might be helpful.
Esp. with your eating and drug troubles. Cuz if your health is bad this takes a toll on your psyche to and vice versa.

Or some kind of self help group?...I know this might sound bad but I know some colleges have it and it is a place where you can be yourself and don't have to hide your feelings like one usually does among other people. Or outside school if you don't wanna your peers know about your problems.

You know it's totally okay to feel lost somehow sometimes, to be whiny as you said and to share your feelings. I guess the time when you go to college and think you have to decide what your adult life will be like is the most critical and hardest time somehow. Worse than the puberty years where just your body kinda gets crazy.
It's some crossroads and it's hard for everyone but everyone deals differently with it so don't worry or be ashamed that you feel bad.

Microcosm
August 27th, 2016, 10:25 AM
DriveAlive,

No need to feel discouraged to sharing emotions. It's definitely a good thing and a valuable use of your resources (this website is an emotional resource).

I'm in eleventh grade, still in high school. I relate to you in that I am not passionate about much of anything and there's no career choice that I get really excited thinking about.

I worry about college often: That I'll lose friends, won't be able to handle the stress, might not be mentally capable of facing the academic challenges, etc.

So, while I still have 2 years before I'll attend a college or university, I can relate to the stress, but on a lesser degree.

The transition from high school to college--especially for young men as they've been shown to mature slower than women--can be extremely taxing because it changes the ways that you live your life. Friends and acquaintances that you have had in high school will inevitably leave. Not all of them have to leave you completely; luckily, you have the internet to communicate with them--not nearly as good as direct communication in person, but it can make the hit a bit more stretched out over time and easier to manage. This mainly applies to people who leave to go to colleges far away.

As to your motivation issue, here is what I would recommend:
-have times where you allow yourself to be unmotivated and sad. Let everything out at a time that you've designed to be most comfortable doing it. If you'd rather do it alone, then you can do that. This helps because you'll feel less inclined to be unhappy when you need to be happy as those emotions have already expended much of their influence over you.
-This is obvious, but think about the future benefits. If you can't see any future benefits that you will appreciate, then a change in career path is worth considering. To serve is to be content, but to serve and to be happy serving is to be fulfilled.

Hope I helped. Best of luck in college.

Just JT
August 27th, 2016, 10:50 AM
Peanut_ gives a lota good advise here.
I remember my dad saying stuff like he still didn't know what he wanted to do when he graduated from college. And he did like 3 years ago I think. He said something like people need a balance in their lives, and their job may not give all that balance. So maybe you'll follow your "chosen" college studies (whatever they are) and career, but also do comedy work as well. The thinking is that you actually like both of them. I can't imagine going to college and get a degree in something and get a job in something as a career you don't like. Sounds like a miserable life if that's where your heading.

As for your friends, they probably feel the same way. I know email, texting and social media isn't the same, but I'd keep in touch. True friendships stand that test of time. You guys get breaks from school right? So you will see each other again, you do know that right?

You'll meet some new people in college to I'm sure. Isn't it like a big social thing in college or something? It won't be like the same thing as your bests, but you don't know what it'll end up being either. So just be open to it ok?

As for the length of time...it's a short period of time really, you can get past this. It's hard to get motivated to do something you know you don't like. Just take the "I'm just guna get this shit done" attitude. And do your best. In the end it doesn't matter does it? I look as shit I don't wana do like this. The ending is already determined, and you got no control over it. And you also don't know the outcome yet either. But your guna go through this place and do these things, even if you don't like it, and it's not guna change anything at all. So don't worry about it, justbdomthe best you can and don't get stressed out by any of it. Cause it's just not guna male a difference.

Now that works for me in my life as I really don't have much say in things in my life right now. But it's a coping thing I use. Maybe it'll help you to somehow.

DriveAlive
August 27th, 2016, 09:54 PM
Thanks everyone for the input. It is just good to get it out there. I am not sure if it is my friend's of college or what, but I am feeling so much worse lately. What is really troubling, however, is that I am beginning to think that this is a real depression and not just momentary stress. I do not know but I am so unhappy lately and unable to really function.

Dalcourt
August 27th, 2016, 11:28 PM
As I said before if you feel like it's a real depression you need to seek help from a professional. You can't work through ot alone.

DriveAlive
August 30th, 2016, 11:46 AM
PM me if you need some tough love advice

Lol thanks. What makes this so difficult for me is that I am usually the one with all of the answers and everything figured out. I view feeling sorrow for yourself as momentary mental weakness. I am usually the one sharing tough love advice with everyone who I deem in need of it. Now it seems as if I am the one in need.

Dalcourt
August 30th, 2016, 12:25 PM
Lol thanks. What makes this so difficult for me is that I am usually the one with all of the answers and everything figured out. I view feeling sorrow for yourself as momentary mental weakness. I am usually the one sharing tough love advice with everyone who I deem in need of it. Now it seems as if I am the one in need.

Kinda ironic, huh? I've been at the same point in my life not long ago.

So maybe look at what you posted here as something another person had said...what would you tell them?
I dunno if it's helpful for you but it was for me in a way.

jamie_n5
August 31st, 2016, 08:36 PM
Parting with best friends and starting a new life so to speak by going off to college is definitely stressful. You are also embarking on one of the hardest and toughest majors there are. You will also add the burden of maintaining a top grade point average to be able to get into Med. school. I truly feel for you man. I hope that you can pull it all together. If you need help maybe you should see your doctor for help.