View Full Version : am I gay or just a victim of abuse?

August 23rd, 2016, 03:19 PM
hi, I'm 15. And I was sexually abused when I was 9 and 10. Around that time, I realized I guess that I didn't identify as male. And also I kind of wanted to crossdress outside of the abuse itself. On top of that, I have kind of like fantasies about having sex with guys most of the time while crossdressing. And like passing for female. When I was like 12 I started trying to go out and dress like a girl and pass for a female. Which I actually did pretty well. Which it kind of encouraged me. Also on top of that. I always find myself interested in being with guys that I shouldn't like be interested in. Which has really led me into a great deal of trouble. But that really does turn me on. My mom says everything I do is because of the abuse. But I don't know. I don't know how to really decipher if this is truly how I am without having to do with the abuse or not tbh. Advice?

August 23rd, 2016, 03:24 PM
Sexuality and gender identity is complex but as far as I am aware, abuse does not effect it :)

August 23rd, 2016, 03:36 PM
Sexuality and gender identity is complex but as far as I am aware, abuse does not effect it :)

I never really thought about things like this before I didn't even know it existed before that point. Which is why I don't know if my mom's right or wrong.

August 23rd, 2016, 04:45 PM
Even if these feelings do somehow come from the abuse they are still how you feel. You should act and dress how you feel you should. If you like to dress feminine then you should do it.

August 23rd, 2016, 08:06 PM
First of all sexual abuse doesn't affect your sexuality to such a degree. Sexuality is by far more nature than nurture.

Second if you crossdress as a female and wanna look like a female when you are with males then you are not gay/homosexual. This would mean you either be a male and wanting to be with males or a female wanting to be with females, as the word suggests.

What you describe is a gender issue but how strong the wish to be female is that's something I dunno from your post.
I dunno at your age puberty affects you a lot so it's still fluid where you will end up.

Anyway did you ever have therapy because of your abuse? Talk to your Mom and if she feels like you are affected by the abuse so much then she should help you find a therapist to work on this issue with you.

September 1st, 2016, 03:21 PM
I think that the abuse was abuse. You didn't deserve that at all. If you are gay or transgender then that was the way you were born. The abuse didn't make you that way.
If you are having emotional problems over all of this then I would suggest that you see a phycologist or psychiatrist.

presh jasper
September 11th, 2016, 05:50 PM
Ur ccrossdressing doesn't mean anything . Well d advice want to share is this (1)talk to someone u trust (2) ask d person wot would he have done (3) try nt to feel guilty its nt ur fault (4) always pour out ur pain to God

September 12th, 2016, 12:10 AM
maybe you also can try to talk to people who experienced similar things like you.
or at least just read what they posted about their expierences. google may help find some posts.

September 14th, 2016, 05:41 AM
Yea as others have already said I think it'd be really beneficial to see an expert in this area and they might be able to work out why you feel the way you do! Sorry to hear about the abuse, you didn't deserve to be treated like that <3

October 19th, 2016, 03:03 AM
Hello, I agree with the others in that I think you should seek out someone to talk to about everything that has happened.

As far as your sexuality/gender identity questions, perhaps another way to look at it is: does it matter what it's from? As long as you are happy and healthy, then it doesn't matter *what* your sexual orientation or gender is (provided it doesn't hurt other people). You are going to be attracted to what you're attracted to, and I don't think you should resent yourself for it.

Hope your situation is going well! :)


October 20th, 2016, 07:07 PM
I actually do believe that abuse can affect your sexuality and here is why:

When people have started puberty and their bodies and minds are developing and they are starting to have crushes and stuff like that, I think that being abused at that age throws something off and causes you to question your sexuality. Our pastor says that every gay person that he talks to is a victim of abuse to the point where when they say they are gay he says "who abused you?" and they are like "OMG, how did you know that I was abused?" So, to answer your question, it might not always be the case, but abuse definetly can affect your sexuality :)