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AussieNicholas
August 13th, 2016, 05:21 AM
This is a short story I've written as a sort of tease for two longer stories that I am currently writing. Any feedback ya'll could provide is appreciated!

https://www.inkitt.com/stories/adventure/76006?ref=a_bd791c45-7545-4c47-b284-09901788ccb9

Just JT
August 13th, 2016, 06:09 AM
Seems like a good start, keep it going eh?

Kuroshiro
August 13th, 2016, 05:34 PM
I really like the way the first few paragraphs were written, personally I like it when books reveal the meaning of the title later in the story, but this is way better than anything I have ever written, good job and I hope you keep it up :)

AussieNicholas
August 13th, 2016, 06:47 PM
Seems like a good start, keep it going eh?

I probably won't continue this story specifically. This is a teaser to two longer stories that I'm currently in the process of writing. One takes place in England decades after a world war, where an isolated community lives oblivious to the chaos of the rest of the world. The second takes place in Australia during the war, and involves a massive revolt leading to a full-blown civil war and the creation of the (mentioned in the story) Republic of Australia. Both stories will have crossovers at one point or another.

Just JT
August 13th, 2016, 06:51 PM
Sounds interesting, might be hard for me to follow, but interesting

Hudor
August 14th, 2016, 02:21 PM
It is well written but i think, it could be more engaging. You could probably reduce and/or eliminate a few paragraphs that seem to be retarding the pace of your story and don't seem to have much significance there. I suggest this because the action takes place at the end of the chapter. So you would want the readers to reach there to stay engaged further. Overall though, you've written it very well but a few tweaks will make it perfect.

devotionnel
August 14th, 2016, 02:31 PM
Like some of the above posters some of it could potentially be more concise in order to keep the reader engaged but it is good so far! Keep up the good work :)

jamie_n5
August 18th, 2016, 08:09 PM
Nice story. Keep up the good work. It looks like a writing career may be ahead of you.

Flapjack
August 18th, 2016, 09:32 PM
I love it buddy!!:) Some feedback I have is that it seems to waffle a bit but I like it:)