View Full Version : New scifi story...

August 3rd, 2016, 11:32 PM
The first one perched on the north tower of the Golden Gate bridge, standing on its hind legs slowly exercising its huge leathery wings. Traffic stopped in both directions and people got out of their cars to marvel and point at the thing. "They're making a movie," and "Look at that thing," and "Wonder how they did that", were heard among the crowd.
After many minutes, it fell out over the bay, descending, picking up speed, pulling up, flapping it's huge wings several times, and swooped over the parking lot at the north end of the bridge, where there is a park and and observation area, now crowded with spectators marvelling at the apparently mechanical apparition. It slowed, descending to the parking lot, and with it's giant talons, latched onto a car and lifted it into the sky northward from whence it had come. 'Ooohs" and 'Aaahs' came from the small crowd of spectators as it hefted the car hundreds of feet into the air. Then a door opened on the car and a figure, apparently a woman, fell out the door and plummeted to the ground, which it struck, not bouncing. Someone said, "This ain't right." The people became quiet and there was no more clapping.

Amethyst Rose
August 4th, 2016, 12:36 PM
I'm not big on sci-fi, but you have some good descriptions. It could do for some editing. Use "its" the possessive instead of "it's" the contraction when talking about the monster. And some of your long sentences with lots of commas could be broken down by semicolons or split into more than one sentence entirely. Looking forward to the next part!

August 4th, 2016, 01:20 PM
The idea is to get it down. Editing can come later. But you're right about everything.