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Lietchenstein
August 2nd, 2016, 12:05 AM
Last summer both of my parents were depressive and I moved 3 times, IN 1 GODDAMN SUMMER... My father even tried to kill himself and had to get therapy, he was alone and I, his fucking 15 years old son had to take all the tears and outbursts of his dad and he couldn't allow himself to flinch, otherwise he would have been weak, he would have let him down. But now my dad's fine, we had a great year, a year filled with apointements to the psycologist, but a great year overall. Now I know what you're thinking, wtf does he mean and why should I give a fuck about his dad, and my answer is that you shouldn't because I'm not a good human beign in any level. I hate myself deeply but I can't show it, I'm burning from inside with a smile on my face. This summer was about to be great but I fucked up... I fucked it up so bad. The event in question isn't that interesting but it was the only thing that would have made me happy with myself and I gave it up for fuckall. I'm a worthless human beign, and most of you that are reading this probably think I'm a retard and a wimpy bitch, in fact most people won't even read that far. So to you that went throught this nonsense, have a great day I guess, for me it's probably one of my last...

Flapjack
August 2nd, 2016, 12:08 AM
I'm sorry you've had to go through all of this buddy! Please however keep looking towards the future and VT can help you do that:) How did you fuck up?

Lietchenstein
August 2nd, 2016, 12:21 AM
I had this one occasion to do something great but i brushed it off because I didn't want to risk shit... I'm this pathetic. And now I'm back to beign all alone and depressed like always the only person I ever loved and trusted in my life backstabbed me like if I was nothing and left me rot with myself trying to figure out what to do. And if I ever stop smiling or if I ever flinch, I'll get gunned down by my peers. I'm always the third wheel and when I'm not, I choke it like a retarded fuck and no one likes me. So I put that fuckin mask on everyday up to a point where I don't even know who I am anymore.

Atlantis
August 2nd, 2016, 06:04 AM
Hey there, seems like you've been through a lot! You must be exhausted. However as Jack has already replied all of us here on VT are here to help if you need it. You are not alone, we are all here to support you.

City Kid
August 2nd, 2016, 04:42 PM
I can completely relate to how you feel. Believe me, I'm in a very similar situation. My father has had depression for a very, very long time, and he's basically passed it down to me. It sounds like the same thing happened to you. I really hope you don't give up. I'm living proof that it's possible to get out of this dark place you're in right now. And if I can do it, you can, too. I had thoughts like you have right now, that I'm worthless and just a whiny brat, but believe me, I was the only one that thought of me this way and so are you. Just like Mimikyu and Lost Horizon said, we are all here for you and no one has a reason to think badly of you.
Please stay strong.

Microcosm
August 2nd, 2016, 08:11 PM
Lietchenstein,

City Kid's above post is very good.

I just want to let you know that there is no one who is a "worthless" person. You're worthwhile and none of this is ultimately going to change that. Your worth and value can always be changed and it can always be rested. If the people in your life don't support you when you need them to, then definitely don't go to them for support. However, you've definitely got outlets for support(like VT!) of which you can consult for advice or you can just speak your mind and express pent-up thoughts. I've had them, and we've all had them. These sorts of self-diminishing thoughts are totally normal. You probably feel powerless in your own life and that eats at your mind and sanity. It's a hard truth sometimes that we are powerless in certain aspects of our lives, victims to events of which we have no control, but never let that truth translate into the belief that you have no control over any aspect of your life because you do! Humans, more frequently teenagers, tend to worry about things they don't have control over. The simple response, I suppose, is to try and distance yourself from those things and get closer to the aspects of your life that you can effectively control and influence.

Best of luck to you, man. We're always here to give you support!

jamie_n5
August 3rd, 2016, 04:56 PM
I feel your pain man. Life will go on and it will get better. I promise you that. You have taken the right steps so far. Please continue to take the right way. Peace my friend.