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City Kid
July 12th, 2016, 07:30 AM
I was thinking about putting this in Relationships and Dating, but this is an issue caused purely by my depression, so I think that it's better suited in this section.

So I'm in a very happy, committed relationship. I love my boyfriend more than anyone else. Except... I can't always feel it.
Those of you who have suffered from depression will know this feeling of complete numbness. Whenever I'm having a depressive episode, which happens pretty regularly every 2 - 3 months, it's like I'm emotionally dead.
You know when a body part has gone numb, like when you've been lying on your arm for too long, and then you pinch it and you know you're pinching it because you can see your hand doing it, but you just don't feel it? It's exactly like that, just emotionally instead of physically. I know I love him, I just don't feel it.
And really, it's not that I've fallen out of love with him, because when the episode passes I'm in love with him just as much as I was before, if not even more.

This whole issue is harming my relationship in several different ways. First off, it's obviously really hard for me to show him that I love him when I'm like that. I get very distant and don't want to hug or cuddle or anything like that, even though I'm usually the one who initiates those things in our relationship. Funnily enough, my sex drive doesn't usually go down when I'm depressed, which leads him to think I just want him for sex.
But what's bothering me the most is that I start questioning my relationship every time I'm in a depressive episode. "What's the point in staying with him if I don't feel anything for him? Maybe I've really stopped loving him."
I'm so scared that one day I'll just break up with him and as soon as I realize what I've done, that'll break me because I honestly love him so much and I really don't think I'm stable enough to deal with this much heartache on top of my depression.

So... Has anyone had similar experiences? I don't know if anyone can really give me advice on this, but I just needed to get it out of my system. Because I'm really fucking scared that my depression will ruin one of the last good things that are left in my life.

GeneralSkrubz
July 12th, 2016, 07:44 AM
I was thinking about putting this in Relationships and Dating, but this is an issue caused purely by my depression, so I think that it's better suited in this section.

So I'm in a very happy, committed relationship. I love my boyfriend more than anyone else. Except... I can't always feel it.
Those of you who have suffered from depression will know this feeling of complete numbness. Whenever I'm having a depressive episode, which happens pretty regularly every 2 - 3 months, it's like I'm emotionally dead.
You know when a body part has gone numb, like when you've been lying on your arm for too long, and then you pinch it and you know you're pinching it because you can see your hand doing it, but you just don't feel it? It's exactly like that, just emotionally instead of physically. I know I love him, I just don't feel it.
And really, it's not that I've fallen out of love with him, because when the episode passes I'm in love with him just as much as I was before, if not even more.

This whole issue is harming my relationship in several different ways. First off, it's obviously really hard for me to show him that I love him when I'm like that. I get very distant and don't want to hug or cuddle or anything like that, even though I'm usually the one who initiates those things in our relationship. Funnily enough, my sex drive doesn't usually go down when I'm depressed, which leads him to think I just want him for sex.
But what's bothering me the most is that I start questioning my relationship every time I'm in a depressive episode. "What's the point in staying with him if I don't feel anything for him? Maybe I've really stopped loving him."
I'm so scared that one day I'll just break up with him and as soon as I realize what I've done, that'll break me because I honestly love him so much and I really don't think I'm stable enough to deal with this much heartache on top of my depression.

So... Has anyone had similar experiences? I don't know if anyone can really give me advice on this, but I just needed to get it out of my system. Because I'm really fucking scared that my depression will ruin one of the last good things that are left in my life.

To be completely honest, Ive gone through the same exact thing, and it can be terrible on a partner, so my best advice to you, is tell him. Tell him everything that you wrote on this post. Make sure he knows you have Depression and that you do love and care for him, but sometimes it just gets hard. It helped me, honestly.

rioo
July 12th, 2016, 07:46 AM
You should let him know what ur feeling like what you write above. relationship can be stuck and we need to move it to another side.

Plane And Simple
July 12th, 2016, 07:55 AM
I can't relate in terms of relationships, but I can definitely relate in the friendship field. I wouldn't say I am/was depressed (Maybe I was, I don't even know, but I don't plan on stressing over it all that much), but I've reached a point where I've felt that with friends. I have (soon to be used to have, hopefully) really bad trust issues, which lead to me overthinking every single bit of what happened to me with said friends, but the main thing I noticed, is I tend to remember the bad stuff that happened (Well, that I thought happened, I pretty much always get proved wrong), like them not being able to come over or just not feeling like it that day; instead of these small moment in which they do come over, or that others when you're thanked for sticking around, which I absolutely adore. This in the end left me really sad, I'd just overstress about all that so much, and fear being alone, that I'd go into that "I'm just living to see if something happens" kind of state you say, it being some "emergency" thing for when this overthinking got really bad.

Then, someone boarded this train I call life and slowly trusted me, which led me to actually realise how much I was missing and that I should slowly get out of that state. This is what "saved" me really, realising I have much more than I really thought I do, and while you can't predict life and what will happen, I feel you're meant to enjoy every second you can with what you have. I don't know what causes your depression, but all I can say is you have an outstanding boyfriend who is sticking with you because he loves you, and you should never, ever, forget that. When you're numb, just remind yourself of those outstanding moments you've spent together, and how much you love each other. It takes a while until it starts working, and you need a "supporter" which you already have, and I'm sure it's better than mine anyway.

What I have realised in this year, is life can change in the blink of an eye, and while you should be cautious of you loosing whatever you have, you don't need to stress ovevr it all that much, because if you do, you'll miss life, which is all that matters. In the grand Scheme of things, I joined VT as a loner kid with zero friends, a guy who spent all his time at home and was made fun of. Now, some years later, I'm your average guy, I have my group of friends, and specially, after 18 years, I have someone who I can call "my best friend", who I can always trust no matter what, and who has helped make this 15-16 school year be amazing instead of hell, both him and people in general.

I know this isn't exactly what you're looking for, but It's all I can tell you. Hope it at least is useful in a small proportion.

jamie_n5
July 14th, 2016, 12:45 PM
Do these episodes of depression coincide in any way with your monthly cycle. I know a lot of girls that when they are having their period just kind of want to be left alone kind of and are not very affectionate or want to be close to there significant other. I don't know if this is what is happening to you but thought I would suggest this to you.

City Kid
July 15th, 2016, 07:25 AM
To be completely honest, Ive gone through the same exact thing, and it can be terrible on a partner, so my best advice to you, is tell him. Tell him everything that you wrote on this post. Make sure he knows you have Depression and that you do love and care for him, but sometimes it just gets hard. It helped me, honestly.
It's good to hear that I'm not the first one to struggle with this... My boyfriend knows about my depression, it's just that he can't relate to it at all so it's really hard for him to understand why I behave the way I do. But you're probably right, I should tell him about how I feel. I'm just really scared it will hurt him, because like I said, he's having a really hard time trying to understand my depression, so I'm worried that he'll think I simply don't love him anymore.

You should let him know what ur feeling like what you write above. relationship can be stuck and we need to move it to another side.
Like I said, I want to tell him, but I'm really scared of hurting him.

I can't relate in terms of relationships, but I can definitely relate in the friendship field. I wouldn't say I am/was depressed (Maybe I was, I don't even know, but I don't plan on stressing over it all that much), but I've reached a point where I've felt that with friends. I have (soon to be used to have, hopefully) really bad trust issues, which lead to me overthinking every single bit of what happened to me with said friends, but the main thing I noticed, is I tend to remember the bad stuff that happened (Well, that I thought happened, I pretty much always get proved wrong), like them not being able to come over or just not feeling like it that day; instead of these small moment in which they do come over, or that others when you're thanked for sticking around, which I absolutely adore. This in the end left me really sad, I'd just overstress about all that so much, and fear being alone, that I'd go into that "I'm just living to see if something happens" kind of state you say, it being some "emergency" thing for when this overthinking got really bad.

Then, someone boarded this train I call life and slowly trusted me, which led me to actually realise how much I was missing and that I should slowly get out of that state. This is what "saved" me really, realising I have much more than I really thought I do, and while you can't predict life and what will happen, I feel you're meant to enjoy every second you can with what you have. I don't know what causes your depression, but all I can say is you have an outstanding boyfriend who is sticking with you because he loves you, and you should never, ever, forget that. When you're numb, just remind yourself of those outstanding moments you've spent together, and how much you love each other. It takes a while until it starts working, and you need a "supporter" which you already have, and I'm sure it's better than mine anyway.

What I have realised in this year, is life can change in the blink of an eye, and while you should be cautious of you loosing whatever you have, you don't need to stress ovevr it all that much, because if you do, you'll miss life, which is all that matters. In the grand Scheme of things, I joined VT as a loner kid with zero friends, a guy who spent all his time at home and was made fun of. Now, some years later, I'm your average guy, I have my group of friends, and specially, after 18 years, I have someone who I can call "my best friend", who I can always trust no matter what, and who has helped make this 15-16 school year be amazing instead of hell, both him and people in general.

I know this isn't exactly what you're looking for, but It's all I can tell you. Hope it at least is useful in a small proportion.
Thank you for your thorough response. I appreciate it a lot. Even though your situation is different from mine, I think reading your story really helped me in a way. I'll try to follow your advice and concentrate on all the awesome things in my relationship the next time I feel like this. And I really hope everything keeps going well for you, that best friend of yours sounds awesome. :)

Do these episodes of depression coincide in any way with your monthly cycle. I know a lot of girls that when they are having their period just kind of want to be left alone kind of and are not very affectionate or want to be close to there significant other. I don't know if this is what is happening to you but thought I would suggest this to you.
I wish it was just that, but it's not. I'm diagnosed with clinical depression and my episodes usually get triggered by random little things, and they last about 3 - 4 weeks. They have nothing to do with my cycle, but thank you for trying to help.

Srom
August 12th, 2016, 11:17 AM
My ex girlfriend has what you have. She felt numb at times when I was with her, and she distanced herself quite a lot from me. I don't have depression, and she ended up breaking up with me because I didn't understand her depression, she felt like I deserved someone better because of the way she was, and often times when I encouraged her she felt like I was "fixing" her. Although I did help her a lot, but I guess it wasn't enough, but depression ruined our relationship. She did seek out help though when I was with her and started taking meds 2 weeks before we broke up. She was often happy and then would be sad at times. It would happen every single day.

After we both broke up she got more help with her depression and found out that she will have to live with it for the rest of her life. It's something that will never ever go away. I feel so sorry and bad for her though.