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View Full Version : The one good thing in my life will soon be gone and I'll have nothing.


WhatAnArtist
June 10th, 2016, 12:49 AM
I'm sorry for how long this post is, but I'm feeling really horrible right now and don't know where else to express my feelings.

Even though I usually feel very sad and pessimistic every day, today for some reason I felt it especially harshly and it's made me feel extremely upset and depressed. When I got home I sat down in my room and almost cried because I felt so overwhelmed with my own worthlessness.

So, I'm 19, and I go to university. I'll admit that I've been feeling much better about myself and other things during my four months at university so far than I felt in high school (especially the last two years of high school which were terrible for me). I was worried before I started that I would be a loner, but to my surprise I've made several friends (all of them female) and I've always had plenty of people to talk to every day. I even made one friend that I value above all the others, because she's so sweet and funny and friendly and beautiful, and it was her that made an effort to be my friend, which is something I've never experienced before. Usually it's me making the effort to be friends with people.

This girl was seemingly the perfect girl, in my mind. She was beautiful but also shared a lot of interests that I did, like video games, anime, and other sort of nerdy stuff like that. We live close to each other so I drive her to and from the station every day and we get the train together, and we're always together like 100% of the time at uni. For months I felt genuinely happy about my life again because I thought I'd finally made a good friend I could always talk to and be with. I've never had a girlfriend before (which is one major reason that I feel so depressed and worthless every day), and I hoped against all hope that maybe this girl might be the one.

But it turns out most likely not. She used to be really talkative and enthusiastic around me every day, and she was always recommending places we go to to have lunch and wander around between classes, but recently, as in the past month or so, she's become a lot less interested in me, and she spends far more time texting one of her (male) friends than actually talking to me, even though I'm physically present and he's not. She always laughs and giggles and smiles when texting him, but mostly seems uninterested when talking to me, though sometimes she'll be friendly and we'll get along well. She couldn't possibly understand just how inferior and worthless it makes me feel when she deliberately doesn't talk to me for long stretches of time and texts her friend constantly.

She also seemingly doesn't care about me as a person, since she always talks about herself and what she does on the weekend and all of her many male friends (she always makes a point of saying that they're all male). She talks about how she stays over at their houses and does all these fun and interesting things on the weekend, meanwhile she never once shows any interest in my life, and even when I'm in a really sad mood and not feeling well she never shows a hint of caring about me, and doesn't even ask if anything is wrong, even though I always do for her. I've asked her a few times if she wants to do anything on the weekend, like go to the movies to see a movie we're both interested in, but she always says she's busy, even though I'm pretty sure she's not. Even though I can't expect people to always be interested in doing stuff like that, it still really hurts me when I realize that she doesn't care enough and isn't interested enough in me.

I've considered multiple times telling her how I feel about her, that she's the only person I've ever felt this close to and how she's the only reason I don't feel completely depressed every day, but whenever I think about doing this she's always just texting away on her phone to her friend, giggling and smiling, and I feel even worse. The worst thing is that the course we're both doing ends in three weeks, and after that we're both going to be doing completely different things, so basically I highly doubt I'll see her again after this ends, and that makes me feel so depressed that I almost want to cry. I genuinely thought she was someone I could be happy to be with and that was interested in me, but as the weeks go by it seems less and less so, and now I'm certain that I'll never be friends with anyone in uni after this like I was with her.

Basically all of these thoughts overwhelmed me this afternoon and I felt too upset to even talk to her, so for the entire train ride home, and walking to my car and driving her home I didn't say a word except for goodbye. She's basically the one good thing in my life, and in three weeks she'll be gone from it and I'll have nothing, and it'll be even worse than when I was in high school. There's nobody that has any interest in me as a person, and I doubt that will change. The idea of crawling up into a ball and just closing my eyes and not waking up is something I desperately want to happen.

Flapjack
June 10th, 2016, 11:48 AM
I'm sorry for how long this post is, but I'm feeling really horrible right now and don't know where else to express my feelings.

Even though I usually feel very sad and pessimistic every day, today for some reason I felt it especially harshly and it's made me feel extremely upset and depressed. When I got home I sat down in my room and almost cried because I felt so overwhelmed with my own worthlessness.

So, I'm 19, and I go to university. I'll admit that I've been feeling much better about myself and other things during my four months at university so far than I felt in high school (especially the last two years of high school which were terrible for me). I was worried before I started that I would be a loner, but to my surprise I've made several friends (all of them female) and I've always had plenty of people to talk to every day. I even made one friend that I value above all the others, because she's so sweet and funny and friendly and beautiful, and it was her that made an effort to be my friend, which is something I've never experienced before. Usually it's me making the effort to be friends with people.

This girl was seemingly the perfect girl, in my mind. She was beautiful but also shared a lot of interests that I did, like video games, anime, and other sort of nerdy stuff like that. We live close to each other so I drive her to and from the station every day and we get the train together, and we're always together like 100% of the time at uni. For months I felt genuinely happy about my life again because I thought I'd finally made a good friend I could always talk to and be with. I've never had a girlfriend before (which is one major reason that I feel so depressed and worthless every day), and I hoped against all hope that maybe this girl might be the one.

But it turns out most likely not. She used to be really talkative and enthusiastic around me every day, and she was always recommending places we go to to have lunch and wander around between classes, but recently, as in the past month or so, she's become a lot less interested in me, and she spends far more time texting one of her (male) friends than actually talking to me, even though I'm physically present and he's not. She always laughs and giggles and smiles when texting him, but mostly seems uninterested when talking to me, though sometimes she'll be friendly and we'll get along well. She couldn't possibly understand just how inferior and worthless it makes me feel when she deliberately doesn't talk to me for long stretches of time and texts her friend constantly.

She also seemingly doesn't care about me as a person, since she always talks about herself and what she does on the weekend and all of her many male friends (she always makes a point of saying that they're all male). She talks about how she stays over at their houses and does all these fun and interesting things on the weekend, meanwhile she never once shows any interest in my life, and even when I'm in a really sad mood and not feeling well she never shows a hint of caring about me, and doesn't even ask if anything is wrong, even though I always do for her. I've asked her a few times if she wants to do anything on the weekend, like go to the movies to see a movie we're both interested in, but she always says she's busy, even though I'm pretty sure she's not. Even though I can't expect people to always be interested in doing stuff like that, it still really hurts me when I realize that she doesn't care enough and isn't interested enough in me.

I've considered multiple times telling her how I feel about her, that she's the only person I've ever felt this close to and how she's the only reason I don't feel completely depressed every day, but whenever I think about doing this she's always just texting away on her phone to her friend, giggling and smiling, and I feel even worse. The worst thing is that the course we're both doing ends in three weeks, and after that we're both going to be doing completely different things, so basically I highly doubt I'll see her again after this ends, and that makes me feel so depressed that I almost want to cry. I genuinely thought she was someone I could be happy to be with and that was interested in me, but as the weeks go by it seems less and less so, and now I'm certain that I'll never be friends with anyone in uni after this like I was with her.

Basically all of these thoughts overwhelmed me this afternoon and I felt too upset to even talk to her, so for the entire train ride home, and walking to my car and driving her home I didn't say a word except for goodbye. She's basically the one good thing in my life, and in three weeks she'll be gone from it and I'll have nothing, and it'll be even worse than when I was in high school. There's nobody that has any interest in me as a person, and I doubt that will change. The idea of crawling up into a ball and just closing my eyes and not waking up is something I desperately want to happen.

VT is an awesome place to express your feelings buddy:) Can you not get the girls phone number?

Meron
June 10th, 2016, 02:19 PM
Man up instead of acting sad. If you don't tell her you feel soon and that you want her you'll probably end up hearing stories of her going in a relationship with this guy or with someone else.

The reason she's letting go of you is because she found someone who's keeping her company while you started letting go of her more and more as time passes. You should fight for her, steal her away by attempting to do activities with her. You both like a lot of stuff so why not get her always occupied by you? Show her that you're not invisible.

Microcosm
June 10th, 2016, 05:47 PM
WhatAnArtist,

It's normal to be upset about this. I will start this post with some facts that might make you feel better, and then I will move on to what I think you should do now.

First, the fact that you are in Uni makes you not worthless. You're doing something with your life and that's way ahead of plenty of other lazy people who gave up before the time they got to the stage that you are at.

For me, people and relationships with other people makes life worth living in a sense. Please cherish and cultivate the friendships you have to the best of your ability. That's really important because eventually physical things go away, but if you leave a mark on someone's life, they'll take that with them to death.

The fact that you mentioned you have several friends means you have lots of opportunity for this sort of engagement. Sometimes just doing nice things is good enough.

Now, as for the girl, I think you should not tell her that you like her just yet. Personally, I've found that the best way to go about doing that is to make it obvious without saying it out loud. Really take interest in her life. Drive her around places and take her out to eat. Buy things for her, maybe, and generally show her that you care. If you come out and say it right now, chances are she'll be a bit creeped out, but also she'll be confused about how she feels between you and the other guy.

Actions speak way louder than words. That is the lesson I've learned throughout some of my relationships in the past. Go out and do for her rather than telling her how you feel. Prove it to her that you like her. That will be very valuable in her mind.

If you have any specific questions in the future concerning this girl, feel free to share them here as I would definitely like to give my input.

Best of luck, mate!