View Full Version : It Really Does Get Better [triggering]

June 4th, 2016, 06:06 PM
In April 2015, I tried to kill myself. I tried again in October of the same year, and then in March of 2016. I came close numerous times. I've been in and out of every therapeutic program you can imagine, in fact, I'm living in a long term Group Home now. I've been struggling with self harm for nearly two years now. I've been hospitalized, locked in little rooms for days at a time, restrained by three people at a time, and drugged all so I wouldn't hurt myself. If depression was personified, it would look a lot like me.
Now, I'm a lot happier. I feel like I can enjoy my life and I don't urge time to move faster. I have struggles, sure- living in a group home, switching schools, and the depression is still there, but I have learned how to manage it all.
I don't completely understand how I was able to make myself realize how precious life is. But I do know that everything changed, and I didn't realize it until after.
One day, if you are having a hard time right now, things will change and get better. I know, you've heard it a million times, I have too. But you might not even realize when things are getting better until it's already done. So before you put that blade to your skin or swallow those pills, I want you to think about how different your life would be if you made an effort to try and enjoy it. I didn't understand how twisted my attitude was. I refused to even acknowledge the possibility that things could get better. I dwelled on the bad times and dismissed the good. Now I know it is better to do the opposite.
I didn't think happiness existed, but now I know it does, just not in the way I thought. Happiness is being satisfied, being able to accept the bad and embrace the good. I thought, a while ago, happiness was loving who I am and everything about my life. But that's not true. It's simply being okay with it. Knowing that the things you can change, you should if you desire. But being okay with things you can't.
I may not ever be truly happy all the time, and I hope I'm not. After all, that wouldn't be human. Because I am human and flawed and sometimes I'm sad but that's okay! Because somebody loves me and I love me, enough to keep myself alive, enough to move back home someday.
A year ago, or six months ago even, I wouldn't be sitting here writing this. But here I am. And honestly? It feels really good.
I am human. I am happy.

Just JT
June 4th, 2016, 06:28 PM
I don't know you, but I'll say that I've been in your shoes before. It's not an easy road, and I'm really happy you made it here. I'm sure you are a very happy person, everyone deserves that.
You should be very proud of yourself


June 5th, 2016, 12:36 AM
Oh my god, you're here again!!!

Hey! Knowing that you're so much better is one of the best things to read on VT. It's amazing news to hear you're much better and bringing a very mature look on life. So much more power to you, I wished and wish you all the best!

Unwarranted :hug3:

June 5th, 2016, 08:40 AM
Well then. Welcome back Hannah :D. Not sure if you remember but hey, welcome back!! I'm glad you're doing much better!