View Full Version : I mess everything up...

May 27th, 2016, 07:15 AM
Ok before I start sorry for the long text wall I'm writing this on an iPad so sorry for spelling mistakes I am also not a good writer and I'm not in a great headspace to write coherently all the time.

So... I in high school and I'm just finding it really hard to keep friends I always mess somthing up I'm always saying somthing and it coming out wrong I'm always not at one place and in the wrong place at the same time.
I used to like this girl I thought she was great... Worst mistake even thinking about her, you could say she is the reason why I have depression and have wanted to kill myself almost every week and feeling useless and like nothing is worth it every day. But alas I liked her and there wasn't much I could do about that, she was always in that middle ground with me being friendly when it was benifitual to her and avoiding me subtly when it wasn't occasionally she would be actually nice to me for no reason and so I thought that at least we were friends but things went down hill after about a year she slowly stoped being nice and wasn't even trying to fact that she didn't like me as a whole but the nerve of her was that she could still use me still ask me favours ask me to do things and I would comply because I was a stupid hormonal boy who just wanted a friend.(me having no friends at school because I always say things wrong and people hate me for it)
So it got to the point where I got sick of it and I would rather have no friends then to be used by this girl that didn't care if I died, I say this because she found out that I was almost successful in taking my life from this whole ordeal and she laughed at it as if it was a joke then she stoped herself and said a what sounded like a sarcastic sorry. And we fought and fought verbally of course and I didn't want to but I had nothing else to do, eventually we stoped and I apologies for everything like the woos I am and she accepted and I asked if we could be friends again she said yes but let's give it a week or two. Nothing changed and I was back being her slave. During this time I made 2 friends because I was able to not think about her for some time. Both of them where her friends but one hadn't been her friend for long and the other knew a lot about her.
I talked to both of them about it and I came off wrong to the newer friend of her and when I next say them they almost gave me a disgusted look and things just got worse with both of them.
The other friend has an eating disorder and she started coming off as needing more support so I gave it to her and we became good friends eventually my some mirical I fell for her and purged this other girl from my mind sadly she had a boyfriend already and she was still the friend of the other girl. Then I took off a day of school and I think I took a day that she really struggled with and her boyfriend and the other girl are useless to her because she hasn't told them about the eating disorder or her mental state and I think she is really upset with me. Now this is where I am now... I guess I'll keep this updated its more for myself but I would really appreciate advice thanks for reading this far.

Just JT
May 27th, 2016, 09:13 AM
Think I'd be a little more choosy about who you call friends for starts

May 27th, 2016, 09:44 PM
As JT said I guess you have to find other people who are worth more putting your enery into trying to be friends.It doesen't really sound as if you are the one who messes everything up.
If you are good friends with someone you can talk things out...like if you said something that came out wrong and the other is mad you can tell the other one and the other will understand.

So I guess first of all you have to find the right bunch of people to be friends with.

Just JT
May 27th, 2016, 10:40 PM
Exactly, very well said ^^

May 28th, 2016, 07:18 AM
Think I'd be a little more choosy about who you call friends for starts

I have noone else apart from them x( and making friends is so hard

May 28th, 2016, 10:16 AM
You don't mess everything up. From what you wrote, it sounds to me like you're the only one doing something right. You said that what you say always comes out wrong. Have you ever thought that maybe you are too worried about saying the right thing, so you don't come across the way you want to? Just say what you really mean and don't worry about who doesn't like it. Also, you're doing a good thing by being there for your friend with the eating disorder when you're dealing with your own struggles. That takes a strong person. I've been where you are, trying to help a friend while battling depression... not an easy task. But I overcame my depression, and I know you can, too. Once I am able to PM, feel free to message me anytime you need to talk.

Just JT
May 28th, 2016, 03:30 PM
Making or building a "friendship" is hard. It takes time, usually lots of it. There's a lot of trust that develops in a friendship. That won't come over night, may be more time than you want to put into a friendship.

Think about it, the word friend, is used so much, and the meaning has such loose perimeters

May 29th, 2016, 05:10 AM
Thanks :)