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Powerade1999
April 15th, 2016, 02:23 AM
I am not sure if this is the right forum, but I guess it counts as a mental crisis.

The past few days I have been feeling really really down, last week I spend most of my nights at work (fast food) which was good because it distracted me, but yesterday after work I came home and I felt so bad, I kept kicking myself over some silly mistakes I made, and hell I still am, thats just one aspect of it.

My sexuality worries me, I am not sure if I am straight, or gay, or Bi, it just sometimes I go through only same sex liking, then others not, but then that brings the question up, do I find that person hot, or do I want to be them? I don't have anything against non-heterosexuals, but I really really want to like guys, I don't want to be different.

This brings me to the ramifications of the above mentioned. It makes me feel so bad, so so bad. Honestly, last night and today it makes me want to escape, and I cannot help but think of death (which I won't do anything) nor can I help my mind wander to the want to self harm (which I won't, been there done that, causes more annoyance then escape) I just wish I needed to stay in hospital for something, anything, so I can just escape from everything.

KingWavy
April 15th, 2016, 02:28 AM
As weird and cheesy as it sounds, I totally understand. I think the reason we need to escape is because society makes us escape. Often times I wonder the exact same things you wonder but I escape it with music and school when really its a cover up. But on here and on this site, express everything you feel and you shouldn't be judged. I'm always here to help. As far as liking guys, like what and who you want, don't have society choose for you. We all have minds and we are all different so do what you please. You ca "escape" in many ways but just make sure that it's not a way of covering up your feelings :)

Powerade1999
April 15th, 2016, 02:53 AM
As weird and cheesy as it sounds, I totally understand. I think the reason we need to escape is because society makes us escape. Often times I wonder the exact same things you wonder but I escape it with music and school when really its a cover up. But on here and on this site, express everything you feel and you shouldn't be judged. I'm always here to help. As far as liking guys, like what and who you want, don't have society choose for you. We all have minds and we are all different so do what you please. You ca "escape" in many ways but just make sure that it's not a way of covering up your feelings :)

But what does one do when their usual escape, doesn't provide that anymore, and just makes feelings worse

KingWavy
April 15th, 2016, 02:56 AM
Well then you have to fine a different escape. Like try something new, take risks, do something you've always wanted to do. MY usual escaoe was eating, I would eat all day when I was sad and it ended up making me even more sad. Now what I do is I go for a drive or work out or listen to music or talk to new people. Like switching it up constantly makes you feel like you're escaping when really you're just doing things you love.

Body odah Man
April 16th, 2016, 01:41 PM
I think you should see a psychologist or so. Might help. I myself am trying to see someone for my own mental issues which helps

Microcosm
April 22nd, 2016, 09:57 PM
Powerade1999,

Beating yourself up over silly mistakes is completely normal. I'm pretty sure everyone occasionally does it, so you're totally not alone on that one. Our brains tend to make us think in a really self-incriminating way sometimes and it's common for them to do so, but just remember that it is possible that you could be overthinking some things. I know I've done it plenty of times before and I just thought about it until I rationalized with myself that it wasn't worth worrying about.

I'm not sure if this is the kind of consolation you'd like with regards to your confusion towards your sexuality, but here's my thoughts about those feelings: No matter what you are, worrying about it will not help anything. For instance, even if you somehow knew for certain that you were gay or bi, would it change anything? Would you feel different or would your mind wander to some other depressing thought? That is the nature of depression. It will find something to try and depress you with even if you solve one problem. It will always move on to the next.

The key is to work to stop the cycle. Try thinking about why sexuality matters to you. Maybe it's best to just forget the labels all together, or, at the very least, just stick to a general label if you have to, like "straight but curious."

I just don't think you should beat yourself up over it. You like who you like, and that's that. If you were certain of the proper label for it, it wouldn't change too much. You'd still like people just the same.

I hope I helped with this advice and I wish you the best of luck in the future.