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Girl876
April 8th, 2016, 03:29 AM
It used to be only in school where I felt my most depressed but now its spread into my home-life too. Feelings of distance, loneliness and emptiness have increased so much. I want to cry and just get it all out but I can't and this pain in my chest stays. I'm lying in bed, mulling over different things in my life: what I should do to make it better? How do I hide it by appearing happy? How do I become the person I used to be, the person that I miss so much? I have no motivation, to write and to do my homework. I have an important French exam coming up and I have to memorise two pages of French but I'm not motivated to do it. I don't want to talk to my friends or family. I've distanced myself from my old friends (moved school)and haven't spoken to them for six months now, and I feel so much guilt for it because I'm a horrible person and I would hate to see how others see me: creep, freak, b****...But the worst things is that I don't see myself that way, I wish people would just understand me. I've said I don't want friends. My opinions of my friends just change within minutes, one moment I'm hating them and the next, they're the best human beings to grace the planet ...and I haven't even seen them for months. Then, at the end of it all. These intrusive thoughts when I'm trying to sleep, the aching sadness and everything, I just want to meet nothingness. A place where I don't need to think. A place of non-existence.

I tell myself I'm being a hypochondriac, worrying people for no reason. A self-pitying and selfish brat. But has anyone else ever felt this way? :)

GothSwimmer
April 8th, 2016, 01:20 PM
All the time. Honestly, all the time. You're not alone feeling like this.

Leprous
April 8th, 2016, 01:44 PM
It used to be only in school where I felt my most depressed but now its spread into my home-life too. Feelings of distance, loneliness and emptiness have increased so much. I want to cry and just get it all out but I can't and this pain in my chest stays. I'm lying in bed, mulling over different things in my life: what I should do to make it better? How do I hide it by appearing happy? How do I become the person I used to be, the person that I miss so much? I have no motivation, to write and to do my homework. I have an important French exam coming up and I have to memorise two pages of French but I'm not motivated to do it. I don't want to talk to my friends or family. I've distanced myself from my old friends (moved school)and haven't spoken to them for six months now, and I feel so much guilt for it because I'm a horrible person and I would hate to see how others see me: creep, freak, b****...But the worst things is that I don't see myself that way, I wish people would just understand me. I've said I don't want friends. My opinions of my friends just change within minutes, one moment I'm hating them and the next, they're the best human beings to grace the planet ...and I haven't even seen them for months. Then, at the end of it all. These intrusive thoughts when I'm trying to sleep, the aching sadness and everything, I just want to meet nothingness. A place where I don't need to think. A place of non-existence.

I tell myself I'm being a hypochondriac, worrying people for no reason. A self-pitying and selfish brat. But has anyone else ever felt this way? :)

First of all, you're no horrible person, not at all. You may not believe me, but let me you a little something.

I have been in exaclty the same situation as the one you are in right now, and I got trough, kinda. The point is, I know how you feel, and I realise that I'm not a horrible person, it took some time, but I do now. However, you shouldn't leave all your old friends hanging. It might be too late to pickup contact again, but try making new friends. Loneliness is a feeling that can destroy even the strongest person.

How I dealt with it? I never gave up. I knew I still had a purpose, and so do you, find a purpose, as everyone has a purpose in life. You should never give up hope. Don't distance yourself from your family, please don't, it's not going to solve anything.

Just know that I care, that everyone cares. Just don't give up hope.

Girl876
April 10th, 2016, 03:23 AM
First of all, you're no horrible person, not at all. You may not believe me, but let me you a little something.

I have been in exaclty the same situation as the one you are in right now, and I got trough, kinda. The point is, I know how you feel, and I realise that I'm not a horrible person, it took some time, but I do now. However, you shouldn't leave all your old friends hanging. It might be too late to pickup contact again, but try making new friends. Loneliness is a feeling that can destroy even the strongest person.

How I dealt with it? I never gave up. I knew I still had a purpose, and so do you, find a purpose, as everyone has a purpose in life. You should never give up hope. Don't distance yourself from your family, please don't, it's not going to solve anything.

Just know that I care, that everyone cares. Just don't give up hope.

Your reply almost made me cry, and just know that it means so much to me that you said this. I don't want to give up even when at times it seems like everything I attempt to do is pointless. I won't give up and just knowing that at least one person feels the same way as I do helps just so much. Yesterday I managed to tell my best friend about my anxiety and I found out she feels the same way and I want to be there for her and she wants to be there for me. I haven't told her about my sadness but I'm going to take it one step at a time; rebuild our friendship on trust. Thank you because now I'm feeling slightly less lonely. :) I really hope everything goes well for you. :) :)

Jackr117
April 13th, 2016, 02:58 PM
Hey I understand where you're coming from, I'm 18 and I left school nearly 2 years ago, I had friends who I talked to all the time but when I left, I lost 99% of them. I struggle with depression all the time, I make friends on the Internet and get really attached but I get hurt again, I basically stay inside most of the time, I plan on seeing a therapist and talking to them, it would be best I would say