View Full Version : Outlook for the future with the corcumstances I'm facing

March 14th, 2016, 10:25 PM
So I know this may not be the right section! But sorry if it isn't!

I'd also like to say I know there's people with a lot worse problems in their lives than me. But I just need a little help.

So I'm still in high school. In a couple of years I'll be choosing a college and trying to find the scholarship money to go out of state. I live in Mississippi, which isn't a great place to live as a gay and not yet out male. I plan to be out at the end of college. So I need somewhere accepting. However, I can only go out of state if the cost doesn't exceed the cost of in state - in other words, financial aid or scholarships, which I'm definetly a candidate for but not a guaranteed chance.

Being gay, I worry a lot about finding the right guy someday. I worry about how my family will take my sexual orientation. And my friends.

Many of my friends, mostly my girl friends, won't care. I'm worried about telling the guys I'm friends with because even though they don't really hate gays, they aren't really supportive per say. I know my mom and grandparents will accept me, and G*d (as I'm Jewish and we accept gays) but I'm not sure about my dad, who has publicly voiced his opinion that gays are queer and bad. I don't really mind if we don't have a relationship someday though, as we've always had a strained relationship (parents are divorced). Also, my 2 aunts and 1 uncle who I love and who adore me.. I know they say ugly things about gays and they may not like it, but hopefully they'll accept me eventually. I think there's a good chance of it.

Finding my guy - I really worry I won't be able to find a guy that wants to be with me, get married, basically "be the one." I guess everyone worries about that, but someone living in not the most accepting states with low gay populations, and as someone not ugly at all but not the most glamorous looking, I wonder if I'll ever find someone to love. I would really be so happy if I did, though if I don't I won't let it stop me from kids.

Kids - here's what really matters to me more than anything else. I've always wanted to be a dad. I love children, I love spending time with children, and I feel I would be a great parent. And that to me is the most important thing to do in life, have kids. I know I can't have my own unless it's through surogacy, which is incredibly expensive, but if I could adopt somehow I would love to. I would love to have 2 or 3 kids, and hopefully a husband to be their other dad but I know my mom, who works in education, could be there to help me with the kids if I'm not married/in a major relationship. Kids are so important to me

To have kids, I won't do it unless I know they'll be supported.. So I have to have a pretty good job. My plan is to get a job that makes 45-55k per year atleast and then save like hell until I have a family to support. This is another place where a husband could be very helpful (besides love, which I need). A second income could be so helpful. I want to have lots of savings so I have plenty of money to support my kids.

And my cousin who is basically like a brother is in and out of juvie. And I feel like someday he will have a couple of kids that he won't be able to take care of because he's so irresponsible and stuff. My mom has already said if that happens she'll take them, and I would definetly be there for them too. So while I hope he's a good parent and takes care of his kids, if I need to I can as well.

That's my outlook on the future. I'm so worried about finding a man, being able to adopt or surrogate kids, and winning the support of my guy friends and my skeptical family.

Let me know what you think of my situation now as a closeted high school freshman that some people think is gay and some people don't, living in mississippi in redneck America. Also let me know what you think of the things I worry so much about and my plan for the future! Thanks! :)