View Full Version : A cute little poem I've written

West Coast Sheriff
February 5th, 2016, 11:14 PM
A chilling mindset

Clueless and lost,
Pained and broken,
I sought to break through his
Wall which excluded the outside world. My intent
Was to help a poor soul.
I peeled back layers of his head,
I was peeling a banana or an orange.
But unlike those fruits, layer hid under layer under
What felt like endless layers,
Sheathing me from the darkness within.
I cringed at the chilling
Truth I unearthed. The deep pain
Shocked my eyes and scarred my mind
Beyond fathoms. What was released,
Could not be sealed. The demented
Thoughts latched to me, corrupting my innocent brain.
I now was plagued to see the world
Through his eyes as is cowered at
Each and every symbol. What used to be a sign of hope,
Proved to be despair. I knew why he built
The wall. I built one too,
So that no one could access
The knowledge he gave me.
Don't peel my layers, it's better to let the world deceive you
Than to reveal the darkness of reality.

What do you all think? Perhaps the title of the thread was misleading :lol:

February 5th, 2016, 11:51 PM
It's damn good, it kind of reminds me of Valentine by Carol Ann Duffy with the relation to unpeeling layers although that poem is a lot less dark.
I love that type of poetry really, I write similar.

February 6th, 2016, 08:29 AM
I like it, its deep but sounds quite personal.

February 11th, 2016, 10:53 AM
You purposely mislead us:P Anyway haha I love this poem. It sounds a lot like prose, but it has deep meaning inside and that's what I love about any kind of writing. I like the first two lines, nicely begun. And then the last two lines bring a good dark closing to the poem, it certainly left me with a chilling mindset. But I like it~