PDA

View Full Version : I've stopped eating again, but I don't think that this is an eating disorder


Sayako
February 10th, 2014, 09:17 AM
Hello! I'm Sayako. I was diagnosed with selective eating disorder at 5 or 6, and anorexia nervosa at 14. When I was 15-16, I spent a year in hospital for it. The "recovery" was wholly physical; no attention was paid to my mental state. It was a blur of tubes and needles and numbers on scales and sickly parageusia.

When I parted ways with my anorexia, I did so only because of a binge-eating episode brought on by taking olanzapine. Lately, the binge-eating has subsided. I'm in hospital again, this time for delusions. My interest in food has ceased. It stopped dead three or four days ago. I have no need nor desire to eat or to drink. Taking things in would not be a good idea; it would dilute and adulterate me. I wish to be purely myself.

I explained this to the hospital dietician when she pulled me aside for an interrogation. She'd been counting my calories, apparently. Even as an anorexic, I had no time for calories. They're such a petty, time-wasting thing. Minds are better used on higher things than the quantity of heat energy released by burning food. My mind is better used on higher things than food.

The dietician thinks that I'm suffering an anorexic relapse; but this doesn't feel at all like my eating disorders. This is so much more passive and more serene. Eating disorders are frenzied things. I am so calm.

How should I go about convincing the hospital faculty that I don't have an eating disorder any more?

CcRoder
February 10th, 2014, 03:19 PM
Honestly, I don't know if you can. I know you say that you don't have an eating disorder, but having a complete lack of interest in food is a disorder in itself: whether it's an eating disorder, or an anxiety disorder, or any other psychological disorder.

An eating disorder, like anorexia, doesn't always have to include calories. Anorexia has been around for hundreds and hundreds of years, and there was barely any knowledge of calories at most points.

You need food, Sayako. You need it. There is no other way that your body can sustain itself, at all. Not on just water or tea. No. You need. Need. NEED food. You might not think so, but you do.

You said that "Taking things in would not be a good idea; it would dilute and adulterate me. I wish to be purely myself." I wish you would re-read that. I don't know how hard I can try, I'm only one person on a forum, but it's extremely important that you eat. Even if it's a little bit. Your body requires a certain amount of food each day, and yes, someone can easily fast for a week and be fine, but the next week? Disastrous.

I simply cannot agree that you should go and continue on this way. Your lack of interest in food could be something even worse than an eating disorder, and I think you should ask for a psychologist. A dietician can't tell you everything.

Sayako
February 11th, 2014, 04:14 AM
Honestly, I don't know if you can. I know you say that you don't have an eating disorder, but having a complete lack of interest in food is a disorder in itself: whether it's an eating disorder, or an anxiety disorder, or any other psychological disorder.

An eating disorder, like anorexia, doesn't always have to include calories. Anorexia has been around for hundreds and hundreds of years, and there was barely any knowledge of calories at most points.

You need food, Sayako. You need it. There is no other way that your body can sustain itself, at all. Not on just water or tea. No. You need. Need. NEED food. You might not think so, but you do.

You said that "Taking things in would not be a good idea; it would dilute and adulterate me. I wish to be purely myself." I wish you would re-read that. I don't know how hard I can try, I'm only one person on a forum, but it's extremely important that you eat. Even if it's a little bit. Your body requires a certain amount of food each day, and yes, someone can easily fast for a week and be fine, but the next week? Disastrous.

I simply cannot agree that you should go and continue on this way. Your lack of interest in food could be something even worse than an eating disorder, and I think you should ask for a psychologist. A dietician can't tell you everything.

I ate soup and pitta bread yesterday. I felt terrible for it. The mass of the food inside my body weighted down my previously soaring thoughts. I don't think that I will eat today. I want peace to read and to think. I'm sorry.

Its Pretty
February 11th, 2014, 11:13 AM
Food is just as important then 'peace' and 'the mind'. In fact, in many countries, the lack of food causes lack of peace directly. The mind can't exist without food.

CcRoder
February 11th, 2014, 03:32 PM
I ate soup and pitta bread yesterday. I felt terrible for it. The mass of the food inside my body weighted down my previously soaring thoughts. I don't think that I will eat today. I want peace to read and to think. I'm sorry.

You ate, and that's wonderful. Today is another day. You need to talk with a psychologist, or a specialist in eating disorders or someone there at hospital. This is a serious symptom of an eating disorder, and you are at risk. You're a strong person, and I know you are. You need to follow what advice the hospital gives you.