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View Full Version : can this be call abuse?


tulolita2015
December 18th, 2015, 03:15 PM
HI everyone i've been reading some posts involving abuse situations like some experience I had. I used to stay in my best friend house (girl) some weekends when I was 11 until we moved that I was 13. Well I used to watch her father doing exercise in the basement lot of times in the morning while the rest were sleeping. He never did anything wrong but I do realize he was excited it, (I can noticed his erections) but he never did anything or talked something wrong to me, until one day he pull his penis out and start masturbating in front of me and I just freak out and in the same time curious and enjoy it. Now every time I think about it I got horny and stuff and I do like older men a lot. My question is : Is that experienced making me like older man so much? he was like 45

AutumnWinds
December 18th, 2015, 09:05 PM
HI everyone i've been reading some posts involving abuse situations like some experience I had. I used to stay in my best friend house (girl) some weekends when I was 11 until we moved that I was 13. Well I used to watch her father doing exercise in the basement lot of times in the morning while the rest were sleeping. He never did anything wrong but I do realize he was excited it, (I can noticed his erections) but he never did anything or talked something wrong to me, until one day he pull his penis out and start masturbating in front of me and I just freak out and in the same time curious and enjoy it. Now every time I think about it I got horny and stuff and I do like older men a lot. My question is : Is that experienced making me like older man so much? he was like 45

it might contribute to it, but things like why you desire a specific kind of person are usually much more complex than any one situation. know what i mean?

MadManic
December 18th, 2015, 11:14 PM
I'm not sure if this is necessarily abuse per say but it was most definitely wrong. People go to prison for that. There's a certain term they use but I don't quite remember what it is. It's totally possible that that experience makes you like older men so much, but liking older men isn't necessarily a bad thing. Be who you are and like who you like and don't ever be ashamed of it.

tulolita2015
December 21st, 2015, 11:10 AM
Well thats not something that affect my life but I really appreciate the comments!

LanaPole
December 23rd, 2015, 11:04 PM
i dont think thats abuse. he didnt really hurt you and you sort of enjoyed it

PhandomMember
December 24th, 2015, 12:48 AM
If he isn't harming you in any way, it's not abuse.

con99
December 27th, 2015, 10:29 PM
I'm not sure if this is necessarily abuse per say but it was most definitely wrong. People go to prison for that. There's a certain term they use but I don't quite remember what it is. It's totally possible that that experience makes you like older men so much, but liking older men isn't necessarily a bad thing. Be who you are and like who you like and don't ever be ashamed of it.

Think the term MadManic is grooming in the UK.

If he isn't harming you in any way, it's not abuse.

It's still abuse according to the law, I guess.

sabbi
December 31st, 2015, 04:19 AM
Maybe not abuse but flashing his penis at you is illegal where I come from

Uniquemind
January 2nd, 2016, 02:27 AM
That's called indecent exposure to a minor and is a crime.

But how it affected you is not an easy question to answer.

I personally believe how any event affects you is a two-way street, it involves the event influencing you in that you witnessed or are involved in said event by whatever degree of separation and the second part being how you interpret those experiences influencing a positive or negative memory and then personal growth trajectory.

It could be argued that deep down before he did anything inappropriate, a part of you already had a preference for older men, hence you enjoyed watching him but you were so young you weren't even self-aware of developing preferences yet.

It's a weird paradox, was it a latent attraction that was always there or was it created from the event? Nobody knows, the only person who decides that is you.

--

For me similar paradoxes exist, but I personally believe I have control of my nature and that all my feelings and preferences and views are my choice to experience my choice to like or dislike because all my experiences if they be within my sphere of influence belong to me and me alone.

If I willed it, I could turn any dislike into a like or vice-versa.

Vanilla Cupcake
January 2nd, 2016, 07:32 PM
I just want to say I'm sorry you had to experience that and I'm glad it didn't affect you.
It's pretty strange that he would do that with others in the house and not worry about you telling on him as well.
I had a similar experience that I have not yet spoke about on here, I guess I'm just not ready, but I think it has also affected me as far as liking older men and finding them attractive.
I don't want to get way off topic talking about my own issues but I just wanted to say that it can be scarring at such a young age to see things like that.
I would have ran the other way if I saw that at that age, I think?

Uranus
January 2nd, 2016, 08:41 PM
That isn't abuse.

It is however, sexual harassment in my own opinion. No matter what it is, that's not something you do to anyone without their consent, especially a minor.

caged_owl
January 2nd, 2016, 11:55 PM
That isn't abuse.

It is however, sexual harassment in my own opinion. No matter what it is, that's not something you do to anyone without their consent, especially a minor.

I agree its not abuse, but highly inappropriate. The fact that he began masturbating in front of you is sick.

It probably has affected you some how. You enjoyed watching him work out? and then you were kinda excited when he took care of himself? Now you associate that memory with arousal. Its not ideal, but I guess you will have to see a therapist or something some day to help get your mind off it.

Maria16 Here
January 2nd, 2016, 11:58 PM
Yes it is inappropriate, not sure I would call it abuse.

camo115
January 3rd, 2016, 01:54 AM
Yeah sexual harrasment and indecent exposure, its not a healthy way to form relation ships with people either, hes a creep.

Exotic Babe
January 3rd, 2016, 04:59 AM
He is a creep and it was very inappropriate of him, but I don't think that's abuse - he didn't hurt you or force you into anything and you kinda enjoyed it. It could've been disturbing (but you even said you kinda liked it so) to see someone's genitals, but you were in his house, he could've walked in naked or stuff like that. However, if he does it again and it makes you feel weird or uncomfortable, maybe try telling your best friend?

outback4
January 3rd, 2016, 01:39 PM
Innapropriate and creepy, definetly shouldn't happen. BUT, it wouldn't be considered abuse. Maybe harassment

Bontigo Papi .
January 5th, 2016, 04:17 AM
Um, nah hun , I don't think so , it'll be a different thing if he shoved it in your face . Yuou enjoyed it , you won't get emotional hurt . If you did , well, there's you answer .

tulolita2015
January 8th, 2016, 12:23 PM
thanks all

azure moonstone
February 17th, 2016, 09:08 PM
The OP is banned. :locked: