View Full Version : Voices from the past

December 17th, 2015, 09:18 PM
So the idea of this thread is that i'm going to try and get as many people from my era of VT to post a brief overview of how their life has improved. I suggested this whole forum be opened a while back, but I think a collective post could be amazing.

The idea is to show you guys how many people have recovered since they where your age, and show you how much hope their really is for the future. I'll be sending this link to lots of people I knew who where in your place 5 years ago, but anyone else, please feel free to respond your story of recovery. So here's mine; in brief.

When I joined this site, almost 6 years ago, I was in an abusive relationship, I didn't get on with my parents, my school life was awful and I felt like I really had nothing. I was self-hamring, and I had an eating disorder. In February 2011, I tried to kill myself and ended up in hospital. After this, things only got worse.

My parents became resentful. I left my boyfriend and entered and even more abusive relationship, I wasn't allowed to see other people, I wasn't allowed to go out without being made to feel I was betraying my other half. I tried to break up with them in January 2012. They threatened to kilil themselves if I did. I felt like i'd failed at everything and that i'd rather die than live knowing i'd "killed" someone. So again, I took another overdose and tried to end it. That time was much more serious. I took the overdose and went to sleep, hoping not to wake up. I did, but was very ill and panicked. That panic is the only reason i'm still here today. I told my friend, who rightly told an adult.

After that, my life improved greatly. Not overnight, but I took myself away from the people who had caused me problems for so long. I left school and started college, and things really improved again. I actually started to enjoy life. I ended up in a really healthy relationship, I finished high school with really good grades, my life was really looking up. I started university and now i'm 6 months off finishing (and hopefully passing!) my degree, with a view to work in mental health in some capacity in the future.

Things aren't perfect, and I actually had quite a big blow a few months ago where my relationship of almost 4 years ended quite suddenly, but even through times nowadays where things aren't easy, I find it much easier to cope.

I still self-harm from time to time and my eating isn't ideal, but when I look at how far i've come, and how much better my life is now and how much better I am now, I realise all of that in the past was probably worth it.

The reltionship I talk about ended about 4 months ago, but I am so much more able to deal with huge blows like that nowadays. I know anything life throws at me will be so much easier to get through because of what i've already been through with everything else. My past has only made me stronger.

Deleted User
December 17th, 2015, 09:36 PM
I just reached five years on VT and I've known Kathy for equally as long, as well as likely anyone else she manages to find from back then.

When I joined, I was 15 and I had just cut for the first time. I don't even know why I did it. I'd met an older woman who told me about how she had self-harmed and one day I just... did it too. And immediately I needed to find a place where there were other people like me because I didn't know how to admit to anyone else I knew what I had done.

I don't know how to summarize the last five years, just that it has been up and down the entire way. But every birthday I made it one more year. Somehow I kept living, either through sheer willpower or with the help of people on this site.

Five years later, I'm 20 years old, not entirely fond of university but I decided I'm going to try to pursue my dream program and career elsewhere and I'm eagerly in the progress of applying for it. I'm dating my best friend and while we never know where relationships will lead, I wasn't able to date for a long time. Life's not perfect but the amount of time I spend enjoying the things I love versus the time I spend wondering if things will ever get better have changed dramatically.

Everything will happen in its own time but that doesn't mean it won't change for the better. I think if I've learned anything it's that patience is a virtue and a strength and the more you push yourself for just one more day, eventually you'll realize you're no longer pushing for it and life just happens instead.

December 18th, 2015, 06:40 PM
So I've been on this forum since I illegally joined age 12 in 2010. I self harmed from age 11 (early 2010/late 2009) until age 15 (December 2013 was the last time). I don't know why I started but I had reasons in my head at the time clearly, probably not very good ones. I cut myself on and off for that period of time, sometimes managing to stop for a month and other times doing it daily for weeks and weeks.

I've never been diagnosed with anything and I have actually kept pretty much everything a secret from my family, other than one time that they seen cuts on my arms. My biggest advice is to be honest with your family if this happens to you as I completely lied about it all and it resulted in me not getting any of the help which, deep down, I wanted. Your family only want the best for you and they don't want to see you hurt.

I have also struggled with eating related issues in the past but would never say that I have had an eating disorder. If you are having issues with food, eating or weight I would say that it is especially important to seek help for as, in my opinion, they can be even more dangerous than self harm. My personal issues have involved not eating, making myself sick after eating, and obsessive calorie counting. I grew to realise however that I am who I am and my body is what it is, it's important to embrace who you are and how you look. Everyone has flaws but everyone also has beauty.

I am lucky in that I have always had a great group of friends that have supported me and encouraged me in almost everything that I have done. Although I still have periods where I am sad, I know that I have people I can talk to or be with to feel better. It's so important to have trustworthy, loving friends that you can count on.

I love what Jo said about simply waiting one more day as I know that I've had nights where I've wanted to die, and then woke up the next day feeling great. Your mind is complicated and often confused, you need to work out your true thoughts, and hopefully they are the positive ones.

I feel like I could write more but I'm not sure what haha.

December 30th, 2015, 06:15 AM
Well, Kathy asked me to post here a couple of weeks ago. I've been on this site now for close to 9 years now, which is quite a scary thought. I joined just after turning 13. At that time I was relatively happy, despite being crippled by a minor case of anxiety. At that time I had a best friend who was really good for me and she helped created a social life for me that I wouldn't have had otherwise because of my anxiety and it's ability to stop me from being able to talk to people.

VT gave me the safety of being able to hide behind a screen and still talk to people. That became helpful at the end of my first year on the site when a serious health issue came up in my immediate family. Despite after a few months later that family member being okay, something ticked over with me and I entered a period of three intense years of being over come with depression. That, along with my anxiety, made me very unhappy for a long time and nothing seemed to be able to fix it. My best friend, who was also my girlfriend for most of this time, was amazing at trying to help me. After a failed attempt at therapy, my parents found me another therapist who did a good job and over a couple of years was able to sort me out to the point where when I was triggered off by anything, the majority of the time I was able to deal with it myself.

I left this site in 2010, and although I've been active again here the last couple of years, I've kept a low profile and don't really have any friends here these days much. After leaving the site things started to improve, although in mid 2011 after being separated because she moved away for university, my girlfriend broke up with me and I also lost my best friend at the same time. That was a big setback for me, but I managed to get through it okay eventually with the help of my therapist and by the fact that I had started going to a new church that my new housemate at the time had taken me to.

So now at the end of 2015, my anxiety is improved, but still a major hurdle at times. However, I'm able to deal with it better than I used to which has made social situations easier than they could have been before. Overall I'm a happier person, but my life is still far from where I would like it to be. That being said, I can go to church now without any of my friends being there and I can get through it without an attack of anxiety. I can be on the welcoming roster at church where i'm forced to talk to people, and I can get through this. I'm part of a small group at church with people I didn't know before going to the church and I like the group. I'm jealous of my friends especially who are in relationships, but rather than just complaining about it, I'm trying to do something about it now.

So like I said, life is far from perfect, but there is hope and I'm encouraged. I hope you're encouraged too.

January 1st, 2016, 01:58 PM
I joined VT when I was 14, I am now twenty.

When I first came to this site I had just started self harming and I was being bullied at school. I thought the world was against me, it was lovely to have a sense of belonging on here, to have people really understand how I was feeling. My life spiralled downhill at age 15/16 with family problems, increased self harm and eating issues, I was diagnosed with depression around this time. When I was sixteen (actually exactly 4 years ago today) I was seriously sexually assaulted at a New Year's Eve party. Things went from bad to worse and I tried to take my own life.

4 years down the line and I haven't self harmed in over 2 years, I am doing a degree I love and have a loving and stable relationship. I am hoping to finish my degree and do a post grad in Dietetics. Things aren't always easy, I do struggle at times. Especially at this time of year. But I realised that this is the only chance I am going to get at life, the only body I get. I don't want to destroy it further, I want to nourish it and be kind to it. If I feel down now I turn on the radio and sing at the top of my voice or I go and cuddle someone I love.

My advice to anyone reading this is to not shut people out, tell them you're struggling. Accept help. There are people that love you and care for you. Things really do get better, take each day as it comes and don't dwell on the negatives. There are bad human beings out there, but also a hell of a lot of good ones!

Love to you all and happy new year, Fran xx