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View Full Version : How can you know if a relationship is abusive?


Maytheforcebewithu
December 13th, 2015, 08:30 PM
I have a friend, and he has been with this girl for a year or so, and he says he is in love with her but she doesnt treat him very well. And we can all see it, all of his friends can. But he still thinks she is great and wants to be with her. So my question is, where is the line? When is it abusive? And can you still love someone who is mean to you?

queenofcontrariety
December 13th, 2015, 08:37 PM
There's probably a thread that breaks down the types of abuse, but basically there is physical, emotional, and verbal abuse. Being "mean" may not be abuse per se, they may just be a crummy partner. In my eyes the line is if the "abused" partner is harmed in any way, shape, or form. You didn't provide a whole lot of details so it's hard to determine if the relationship is abusive or not. It's easy for the abused to love their abuser, they just feel that's how things are and how they should be, and that they don't deserve anything better. But if your friend has no signs of emotional trauma and self esteem issues, it would be difficult to convince them the relationship is abusive.

Endeavour
December 14th, 2015, 12:21 PM
We had a presentation about this the other day at school.

The first stages were gaining trust, and forming a friendship.

Then things turn nasty, with involving them in alcohol and drugs, building up their hopes then turning them down etc.

Then the full abuse starts. Threatening and violent behaviour starts, the relationship becomes unloving etc.

There is a 'sticky' thread in this forum if you would like to direct your friend there?

Uniquemind
December 14th, 2015, 08:57 PM
We had a presentation about this the other day at school.

The first stages were gaining trust, and forming a friendship.

Then things turn nasty, with involving them in alcohol and drugs, building up their hopes then turning them down etc.

Then the full abuse starts. Threatening and violent behaviour starts, the relationship becomes unloving etc.

There is a 'sticky' thread in this forum if you would like to direct your friend there?

I just want to add that it can still be abusive if drugs and alcohol don't enter the picture.


I have a friend, and he has been with this girl for a year or so, and he says he is in love with her but she doesnt treat him very well. And we can all see it, all of his friends can. But he still thinks she is great and wants to be with her. So my question is, where is the line? When is it abusive? And can you still love someone who is mean to you?

It's abusive when the power dynamic is not 50/50 between partners, and one partner is ordering the other one around passively, or directly via force.

Other clues is that the abused partner feels trapped between their ideal wants for the relationship, versus what they're getting because they don't have equal influence in the relationship and like anybody else cannot control what their partner does.

On top of that, you complicate the matter more with sex, which is another layer, but that sexual layer of issues need not be present for the relationship to be abusive...sexual abuse on top of an already abusive relationship....is like an add-on, on top of an entree when you order food. Except the food is rotten because the entree represents the failed relationship.

FOOD ANALOGIES FTW!