View Full Version : how do you stop caring about what other people think?

josh wendt
December 5th, 2015, 12:50 AM
no matter how hard I try I cant stop thinking that no one likes me. I always feel paranoid and I feel like everyone is judging me/talking about me. I get so anxious that It is literally nearly impossible for me to talk to people. Ive seen a therapist about it but i just cant do the things that she says (think positive thoughts, just talk to people,stop giving a f*ck about what other people think etc). for some reason I just cant change the way I think and I just cant stop feeling inferior.

Judean Zealot
December 5th, 2015, 03:19 PM
You have to stop looking at yourself through other peoples eyes. Imagine you were on a desert island- there's no one around but yourself. On this desert island, if you build a cabin, or help an injured kitten, or whatever, you'd feel good about that, right? And theres nobody around to spoil it. So when you think about yourself and your accomplishments, just imagine you're on that wonderful island and feel really good about what you've done. Realise that any detractors of yours don't have to affect the way you feel, they're just neutral. Eventually you will build up a healthy sense of self-worth, and then you can bid your paradise island goodbye forever.

December 5th, 2015, 03:20 PM
Hello Josh, hope your feeling a bit better today :)
Anyway there a couple things you need to remember about social anxiety. Firstly keep in mind that most people are thinking about themselves and probably aren't spending 24/7 thinking about some socially awkward or odd guy in another desk. Secondly, social anxiety is self-consciousness and being overly self-conscious means you are caring or thinking about yourself too much.

"If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present."
- Lao Tzu

Take an interest in someone else, ask someone how their day is each day or find out some peoples hobbies or even find out what their troubles in life are.
If ever feel uncomfortable or awkward when talking to other people just ask them a question. It gives you time to recuperate and think and it shows you have an interest in them. Remember to keep eye contact, or at least stare at their forehead or their nose or something if you can't manage that.

One of my biggest tips is to smile, just smile. Happiness spreads more happiness, people like being around you if you are a happy person. Also keep in mind that life only begins outside your comfort zone.
You don't have to only ask someone how their day is everyday, do something nice or good for someone else each day. Take out the rubbish for your parents, share some food with someone at school, cut the lawn for the elderly neighbour, make someone smile, anything. In the end, it'll make you feel better about yourself and that means more confidence.

Always remember that everyone is the same fundamentally. The guy that you wish you were, he's probably got some of the same problems you do, he just has different ways of dealing with them. And don't just do things just to do things, do the things that'll make you happy - it sounds like a simple thing but very little people live their life doing things that'll make them happy.

Think less and start doing more. Don't be content just doing the things you know will be worth it, try and start doing something as soon as you think about. With that tip alone I've learnt German, Japanese and Korean. I didn't shut down and start wondering about how hard it'll be or even if it'll be worth anything in the future or anything. I just picked up some books and got into some classes and started learning. If you spend too much time thinking, you can think your way out of doing anything if you try hard enough.
Here is probably the hardest one for most people, start learning to be happy with you. Don't learn to make other people happy about you, you should be liking you a lot more. Check yourself out in the mirror, give yourself a thumbs up - remember that no one else is you and you are as awesome as anyone else. Spread out those wings and fly you little butterfly :)

“You’re a ghost driving a meat coated skeleton made from stardust, what do you have to be scared of?”

In short:
Love yourself
Don't judge others
Stop worrying about what other people might think about you
Be a decent person

Socially anxiety is something only you can get yourself out of in the end. It's a hard fight and you might get pushed down or take a few punches but stand up tall with your head up after each time and I'm sure you'll get through it :wave:
If you ever want to talk with someone my visitor messages are always open.
Good luck Josh!!!