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Tendencies
December 3rd, 2015, 07:55 PM
Hey guys, I posted about this in the other forum but I don't think many people go looking through there too often so I thought that I would try my luck over here, I am not trying to come off as too desperate, but I am. For about the past three months I have been experiencing a change in how I perceive the world. It all started after I had a bad high on the last day of the quarter at school and I thought it would just go away like it usually does, but I woke up and I still felt like I was high kind of, like that spaciness that you feel and I felt like I was dreaming still kind of. I got scared and had another panic attack and that was even worse, I scared my mom and she got me to a Psychologist. She just told me that I was stressed and that I was having bad anxiety and she diagnosed me with Panic Disorder. Over extensive research though I have come to the conclusion that I have Depersonalization and Derealization, a bit of both. I constantly question the validity of the world around me and whether or not my memories are truly memories or if my mind just made them up. I know in the logical part of my mind that everything is truly okay and that everything is real but it is just hard to believe. I am also scared to talk to discuss this with many people because I think that they would think I am crazy. I have told some people that I know would not think that I am crazy and would totally understand what I am going through and would try to help me when it gets really bad. It tends to get the worst at night and when I am feeling anxious. I have had times, though, when it feels completely gone and I become overjoyed and then it just comes back because I constantly question how I am feeling at that very moment. It has taken a very heavy toll on my life, my grades are down the drain right now because for most of this quarter I was just terrified in class and trying not to sob i front of everyone or I was staying home because I was scared that it would get too bad at school. Even as I type this I am questioning whether or not I am really typing this or if I am in some type of deep coma and this is just what it is like to be in a coma. I have talked to and read about numerous people that suffer/suffered with this and those who have come out of it bring me hope for a short amount of time but then I slip back into somewhat of a depression and think to myself that it will never go away and that I ruined my life forever. There is nothing I can really take for it seeing as how it is all in my head, but this is starting to fell really long so I am going to end this. OH! Also, I seem to wake up in the middle of the night and not know where I am and I start to panic but then make it back to sleep. OKAY now I am done haha, if anyone has any advice on what I could do, please do reply. I honestly don't know how much longer I can deal with this.

Bebdina
December 5th, 2015, 06:02 PM
It all started after I had a bad high on the last day of the quarter at school and I thought it would just go away like it usually does, but I woke up and I still felt like I was high kind of, like that spaciness that you feel and I felt like I was dreaming still kind of.

Hey, I am sorry you feel so disconnected.

Once thing is sure, before you go doing research looking to find a name to what you might have, you have to realize that it all started after your "bad high" and consider what it is doing to your brain. Depending on what you are using, how much, and how often, you can be sure that everything else that is happening is because of that.

Tendencies
December 5th, 2015, 07:35 PM
Hey, I am sorry you feel so disconnected.

Once thing is sure, before you go doing research looking to find a name to what you might have, you have to realize that it all started after your "bad high" and consider what it is doing to your brain. Depending on what you are using, how much, and how often, you can be sure that everything else that is happening is because of that.

It was weed, and I have not even gone near it ever since then in fear that it would make me all the worse. I have never touched any other type of substance, including alcohol, and plan to never touch any substance ever again because of this. It was like my 3rd of 4th time smoking and I don't remember it being too much

Deleted User
December 6th, 2015, 02:42 PM
Actually, drugs are often a pretty common trigger for underlying problems. One bad trip can do a lot of damage. Good for you though for staying away from it. Some people wouldn't do that, even if it was bad.

Dissociation (or depersonalization/derealization as you've named them), if you have Panic Disorder, actually isn't all that surprising. Dissociation is often the mind's way of protecting itself after a trauma or perceived trauma. People with severe anxiety disorders often dissociate as a way of trying to remove themselves from the situation that's making them anxious or triggering a panic attack. It's essentially a coping mechanism.

I can tell you that you are not crazy. Your mind is just trying to cope as best it can and it can honestly be pretty frightening in itself when you don't realize that that's what's happening. Have you continued seeing your psychologist? If you do, you may be able to ask her for a referral to a psychiatrist or for a prescription from a family doctor for anti-anxiety medication. It's not for everyone but I think with Panic Disorder and major anxiety disorders, sometimes it's really worth it. My anxiety medication was a godsend in my mind.

I sincerely recommend you continue seeing your psychologist because they will be able to help you find better coping mechanisms and alternative treatments if that's what you wish. Because dissociation is not fun, nor is it particularly healthy to feel so constantly disconnected from reality. I know, I've been there. If you ever want to talk, I'm here.

:hug:

MadManic
January 5th, 2016, 04:27 PM
I have the same thing. I don't really feel connected to memories or even feelings/emotions sometimes. I feel like the world is really flat or 2D or that everything is a movie, video game, or a dream. It's like nothing is real. I know exactly how you feel. I'm not really sure of anything that helps because honestly im trying to figure that out myself. I know that drugs, weed, and alcohol definitely don't trust me i've tried it only makes it worse.
I know that a lot of people have what they call "grounding methods" and you could definitely research those. For a lot of people it doesn't go away but since you have problems with panic and anxiety i can tell you still feel things so it's not too severe and you could find a way to help yourself out. I would do some research on those methods, try distractions, if you like to be with friends maybe try that? as for memories, i'm at just as big a loss as you. I feel like i made them all up and i don't know how to get them back. If you find a way please tell me haha. Good luck

Tendencies
January 22nd, 2016, 01:46 AM
I have the same thing. I don't really feel connected to memories or even feelings/emotions sometimes. I feel like the world is really flat or 2D or that everything is a movie, video game, or a dream. It's like nothing is real. I know exactly how you feel. I'm not really sure of anything that helps because honestly im trying to figure that out myself. I know that drugs, weed, and alcohol definitely don't trust me i've tried it only makes it worse.
I know that a lot of people have what they call "grounding methods" and you could definitely research those. For a lot of people it doesn't go away but since you have problems with panic and anxiety i can tell you still feel things so it's not too severe and you could find a way to help yourself out. I would do some research on those methods, try distractions, if you like to be with friends maybe try that? as for memories, i'm at just as big a loss as you. I feel like i made them all up and i don't know how to get them back. If you find a way please tell me haha. Good luck

First and foremost, thanks so much for the response. Lately, I have actually been feeling like I have been making some sort of progress for sure. I no longer wake up in the middle of the night in panics, and I don't wake up in the morning in a panic either. Honestly, I haven't had a panic attack in probably near a month now and I am so grateful to be able to even say that. I have been talking to others with this too through things like Tumblr and it has brought hope. There are in fact stories of people who have experienced exactly what I, and most likely you, are going through and they claim to be 100% recovered. I do think that time is the best healer with this and hopefully we will get over it soon. Neither of us deserve this, and I am sorry for your suffering. Stay strong.