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View Full Version : I can't stop hating some people?


Firrion
November 10th, 2015, 05:53 AM
I didn't know where to post this so I chose this forum because I honestly do feel like my growing hatred for certain people is legitimately driving me insane.

Recently I've been considering the idea that I am just, inherently, a bad person. Without making excuses for it, I must first add that a lot of people have hurt me in the past; mostly ex-girlfriends, but also general instances like boys who feel the need to express their masculinity by picking on me, and also people in general who insult me. Some people seem to repel insults, and those people tell me the key is to not take things personally. But I do. I wish I didn't.

Starting with the ex-girlfriend stories; I can never seem to forgive any of my ex's for breaking my heart. And when the pain was still new, I snapped at some of them, and tried my best to make the feel as bad as I did, with my words. I never spread rumors about them or cornered them to verbally attack them, like other people seem to do, but sometimes they'd make me so angry and I'd start feeling white-hot anger, and begin swearing at them. Is this normal? I sincerely hope not, because I hate myself when I do it.

Naturally, it doesn't continue. I feel remorseful immediately after and usually decide that what I'm feeling isn't healthy and that I need to make a conscience effort to cut them out of my life for good; for their sake, as well as my own.

I can't exactly think of other times where I've done stuff that makes me as ashamed. Usually it's just thoughts I have, or the way I respond to certain situations. I experience the white-hot anger I mentioned earlier, but thankfully it doesn't result in anything external. I just start shaking uncontrollably and don't talk to anybody until the feeling passes; mostly because I'm afraid I'll lash out at people unnecessarily. It sounds scary when I say it like that and frankly, it does scare me. I'm 18 years old and I'd like to be a good guy. Sure, I act nice, except for extreme circumstances, as mentioned above, but sometimes I feel like it's all an act. That the voice in my head that wishes others would hurt as much as I do is the real me.

Who is the real me? I want to be one of those people who somehow always manages to laugh off negativity, or better yet, one of those people who only attracts positivity!

Thoughts? Sorry if this is posted in the wrong place. I'm new here.

Thanks in advance.

Cadanance00
November 10th, 2015, 10:14 AM
Normal to hate people who have done you wrong. You can do two things: hold on to it, cherish it and let it poison you; or give it up, pull on your inner strength and forgive and live your life.