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Deleted User
November 2nd, 2015, 01:16 AM
The title says it all. I'm not looking for advice. Don't be offended by this but I don't think 14- and 15-year-olds can really offer me any kind of advice unless you've known me on this site for awhile.

University is killing me. A legal battle is killing me and in order for it to be worth it, I have to stay in university. My mother is killing me. My doctor is killing me. I only have one close friend and I feel like I am going to utterly break and she's going to run away. I feel like I'm just a bad influence on people. I want to drink myself to sleep, get high, stop eating, buy some new razor blades... I just want to fall apart. I have to fall apart because I have nothing keeping me together.

Over five years since I joined this site and I am right back where I started.

I can't feel anything anymore except the occasional frustration and stress because I am already dead. I can't even kill myself. I'm too numb to try again. I'll fail at that too and the fallout will just make my life hell.

Someone please just save me.

Salad_Baby
November 3rd, 2015, 10:26 AM
Sorry to hear you feel this way. I'm also sorry to ask, in a potentially blunt way, if you're not looking for advice or help why you have posted this thread? Is it simply to vocalise and collect your thoughts, and if so go for it - one of the best ways to organise and straighten out your emotions when you're in a state such as yourself.

I will say one thing though. Suicide, no matter how 'tempting' it may sound, is never, ever a plausible option. I believe that when people think of suicide and what it can offer, they subconsciously believe that once you have killed yourself you'll be able to 'carry on' living, in a way, but without the stresses you're currently wanting to escape, as you're no longer within reality. This isn't true. When you're dead, you're dead. You won't be able to reflect on your life and say "wow, I'm pleased I killed myself as now I don't have to worry about X and Y" - there is no thought, no consciousness, no reflection, no satisfaction, no existence - nothing. What you're going through is temporary, as hard it is to believe, and wouldn't it be fantastic to get through to the other side and actually be able to reflect on what you've been through and say "I did it"?

Just some thoughts.

Deleted User
November 3rd, 2015, 02:50 PM
Sorry to hear you feel this way. I'm also sorry to ask, in a potentially blunt way, if you're not looking for advice or help why you have posted this thread? Is it simply to vocalise and collect your thoughts, and if so go for it - one of the best ways to organise and straighten out your emotions when you're in a state such as yourself.

I will say one thing though. Suicide, no matter how 'tempting' it may sound, is never, ever a plausible option. I believe that when people think of suicide and what it can offer, they subconsciously believe that once you have killed yourself you'll be able to 'carry on' living, in a way, but without the stresses you're currently wanting to escape, as you're no longer within reality. This isn't true. When you're dead, you're dead. You won't be able to reflect on your life and say "wow, I'm pleased I killed myself as now I don't have to worry about X and Y" - there is no thought, no consciousness, no reflection, no satisfaction, no existence - nothing. What you're going through is temporary, as hard it is to believe, and wouldn't it be fantastic to get through to the other side and actually be able to reflect on what you've been through and say "I did it"?

Just some thoughts.

This is precisely why I didn't want advice. I've heard this same speech for the past five years. I know. It doesn't help. I appreciate that you took the time to write it but you're beating a dead horse. Not to mention I said I can't even be bothered to kill myself so... yeah.

I just had to say something somewhere because it's not like anyone else listens to me.

Salad_Baby
November 3rd, 2015, 03:19 PM
This is precisely why I didn't want advice. I've heard this same speech for the past five years. I know. It doesn't help. I appreciate that you took the time to write it but you're beating a dead horse. Not to mention I said I can't even be bothered to kill myself so... yeah.

I just had to say something somewhere because it's not like anyone else listens to me.

Well I can only hope things improve.

Gwen
November 4th, 2015, 09:48 PM
The title says it all. I'm not looking for advice. Don't be offended by this but I don't think 14- and 15-year-olds can really offer me any kind of advice unless you've known me on this site for awhile.

University is killing me. A legal battle is killing me and in order for it to be worth it, I have to stay in university. My mother is killing me. My doctor is killing me. I only have one close friend and I feel like I am going to utterly break and she's going to run away. I feel like I'm just a bad influence on people. I want to drink myself to sleep, get high, stop eating, buy some new razor blades... I just want to fall apart. I have to fall apart because I have nothing keeping me together.

Over five years since I joined this site and I am right back where I started.

I can't feel anything anymore except the occasional frustration and stress because I am already dead. I can't even kill myself. I'm too numb to try again. I'll fail at that too and the fallout will just make my life hell.

Someone please just save me.

Not everyone on this site if 14-15 year olds. Some of us haven't experienced barely any hardships. Some of us have lived in something akin to Hell and some of us might of lost most of their lives sitting in a hospital. You are right though I can't really help you, I don't know you. I'm someone who just ignores all of their past and all of the mental health unit telling myself that I'm completely fine with everything that has happened and everything happening now. Does that make me a hypocrite when I try to help people instead of myself? Yes, but I can say now that I can probably relate to almost anything you can throw at me.

I won't make any empty promises or give you some generic advice that any armchair psychologist could drop on you. It sounds stupid and that is because I am just a really simple person who likes talking to people and being talked to. If you want someone who you can cry, yell or just talk idly with even if you need to at 3 in the morning or something crazy. I'm always here to talk. I'm not very charismatic or close to perfect or an ideal human being but I will try my best. If you want to throw me away or just want to disregard this completely, that is fine too. The last thing I'm going to do is force what I want onto someone else.

If nothing else, I hope things in life start turning around for you somewhere :)

Deleted User
November 5th, 2015, 12:00 AM
Not everyone on this site if 14-15 year olds. Some of us haven't experienced barely any hardships. Some of us have lived in something akin to Hell and some of us might of lost most of their lives sitting in a hospital. You are right though I can't really help you, I don't know you. I'm someone who just ignores all of their past and all of the mental health unit telling myself that I'm completely fine with everything that has happened and everything happening now. Does that make me a hypocrite when I try to help people instead of myself? Yes, but I can say now that I can probably relate to almost anything you can throw at me.

I won't make any empty promises or give you some generic advice that any armchair psychologist could drop on you. It sounds stupid and that is because I am just a really simple person who likes talking to people and being talked to. If you want someone who you can cry, yell or just talk idly with even if you need to at 3 in the morning or something crazy. I'm always here to talk. I'm not very charismatic or close to perfect or an ideal human being but I will try my best. If you want to throw me away or just want to disregard this completely, that is fine too. The last thing I'm going to do is force what I want onto someone else.

If nothing else, I hope things in life start turning around for you somewhere :)

I appreciate it.

My first post comes off as a bit aggressive, not gonna lie. It's just... I know this site is targeted to a different age group. I was a part of it when I joined but I'm just in a different part of my life now than a majority of the site. That's what I mean when I don't think they can offer me any advice that will be relevant to me personally. Because we all speak from experience and different maturity levels... and unless you're in your 20s as well, odds are you just don't have it yet, not in the same way. I hope it didn't come across as too much of an attack and I hope that makes sense.

But I'll keep your message in mind, thank you.

Gwen
November 5th, 2015, 01:37 AM
I appreciate it.

My first post comes off as a bit aggressive, not gonna lie. It's just... I know this site is targeted to a different age group. I was a part of it when I joined but I'm just in a different part of my life now than a majority of the site. That's what I mean when I don't think they can offer me any advice that will be relevant to me personally. Because we all speak from experience and different maturity levels... and unless you're in your 20s as well, odds are you just don't have it yet, not in the same way. I hope it didn't come across as too much of an attack and I hope that makes sense.

But I'll keep your message in mind, thank you.

Sorry for how terrible my spelling and everything was in the last message, I just felt I needed to send something as soon as I read your post. You shouldn't worry about it though, with everything going on for you right now it sounds like being angry or aggressive towards the topic would be pretty normal. I'm not in my 20s, I'm turning 19 in 3 months. I probably won't have the same maturity or experience and also probably don't have enough to give you advice. I wasn't going to offer you advice anyway, you said you didn't want it. Anything I did try would probably come off as hollow anyways and I know that and you should know that. I was just wanted you to know that I'll do what I can to help you. I know my limits and all I am saying is that if you do need a friend/pal/acquaintance I'm here for you, friends should be able to understand your pains even if they can't relate to all of them. I don't know if I can save you but I'll be damned before I don't try my best to help relieve some stress or do anything I can first. I'm probably one of the few people in the world who is interested in hearing people's life stories but that is one of my few good quirks that I have going for me :mrgreen:

Well I'll stop spamming you with paragraphs, as long as you keep my message in mind that is all I could really ask for :P You know how to contact me if you ever feel like talking.