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View Full Version : Extreme sex drive and poor self control -> loosing friends/family


OnlyNik
October 23rd, 2015, 03:42 AM
Warning disturbing/sexual content.
I'm autistic and recover from mild brain trauma this summer after a suicide attempt (don't do it guys) so if I go into unessecary detail and drift from the subject, would take 2-3 hours for me to write a "clean" and coherent one and then I would think about it all day so here I go.

But please help. Most of my friends are disspointed in me for not being able to handle or trying to little to manage sexual feelings. Or they just don't know who I am anymore. They will leave me if I can't. Should I try to feel shame?


1. Background
Well I have had a few tough years. Depression from age of 7-8 and became emotionally withdrawn. Could not feel anger, fear, jelousy, sorry for myself, sadness, pleasure from having friends, almost no feelings of empathy, was asexual though I jerked off a lot since age 11 because I liked it a lot for a while then... Afterwards it was a way of feeling better at least.

This summer the ice cracked. I felt sad that everything went so wrong. That I hurt myself by doing some things and sorry for myself that everybody turned against me. I cried for two hours. - Sadness came back. Next time I saw my mom I told her about what she had done to me and what that implies about her. She cried and apologized. - Anger came back.



2. Hypersexuality
Then I discovered my sexuality, when not surpressed by lack of emotion is very high. And I am not used to that. Before when I had sex I just swallowed two cialis to get hard and did my thing so that the other person would like me. Now I sometimes want to f*ck soo bad that jerking off 1-3 times doesn't even help quite often. I do not know very much people but I asked 4 of them if they want to have sex the last week or so.

I very much say what I'm thinking because I stopped pretending this spring and I am not used to filter things and say things to please. Same with messages so when my few friends ask me how I am I say "better than yesterday, but very horny(...)" I feel ashamed and I'm afraid they will leave me. But I have to tell someone I guess because this can't be that unusual. They could have some tips to manage it I mean. My psychologist is not an option, I want us to focus on other things than my perverted sex drive.

And when I'm sexting with old friends/friends I go so dirty I feel it's unlikely that they would want to or dare to see me again.

Mastrubation addiction

No this isn't mania btw I meet with a lot of people in psychiatry and I'm not manic at all it's just the sexual thing.

Yes when we get horny when we are by ourselves we jerk off. I am very sexually turned on most of the day so I do it minimum 5 times, often 10 times a day, one day last month I must have done it 14-18 times and another day 20-25 times. Yes I ejaculate every time. Yes it feels very good every time, I love it. But when my father (I live at home 5 days more, in between apartments) implied that he knew I did it much... That's when you have problems. I probably forgot not to moan or something. And my sister asked me if I could help her with her homework I said "no, later I'm jerking off" (or in my native language maybe more vulgar but common like "I'm jerking my dick") :/ my sister was wierded out ofcourse and I'm ashamed. Why so hard to think before saying all of a sudden?

The worst thing is that I was... I wasn't desperate or "had to" but I really wanted to touch my penis a little at my other psychologist (I have two). So I jerked off for 3-4 seconds maybe grabbing it on my jeans leg. She saw but she's nice so she pretended like nothing and just showed compassion. Then I sat with my arms around my knees the rest of the meeting. Probably looked rediculous. I moaned a bit when resisting but she didn't ask, she always asks when displaying anxiety. She's nice for not being angry. Still feel bad, she's this 70 year old energic grandma-type and I really never want to do that again.

The same on the train on the plattform as noone else had gone inside. Pulled it a little but came to my sences.

So yeah, wanking 10-20 times a day and liking it every time and cumming is a problem. Did not even know that was possible.

3.

Exhibitionism

I have poor self esteem because I don't go well with others. So I want to be seen and such. I've heard I'm cute/handsome/hot many times so maybe that is the sin of such enabeling comments. I have a quite big dick. My friends are mostly girls now and I'm a bit too fragile, formal, childish and maybe too skinny I don't know for them. But they care for me. They are only human though so 2 of them you can see that they feel a little attraction. Well one more was curious but she have never shown any like.. not "joked" about me and her in bed and such... Hm.. I asked if they ever through the years had thought about how my penis looks like (sounded less cheesy in my language) or if they are curious. I pulled on it while asking a little and if they "admitted" they want to see I pull out my erect dick. Damages friendships as well. My best friend said she was a little shocked (by the size I guess) so I guess my best friend is gone. But now I've shown 6-8 people I know, most by message. One I showed just so I could show I'm bigger flaccid. What have happened? I'm obsessed with my penis? Attenti*nwh*re?

I never show to people that doesn't want. And now I don't know any more to show it to. I have no idea why that suddenly turns me on. I was ashamed of myself before.

Confused and psychiatry wont help me. Please tips

MadManic
November 15th, 2015, 05:06 PM
I don't know what to say to this but you cannot under any circumstances act on these impulses without the consent of another person. I'm not saying you will but clearly it has become all you think about and that usually doesn't lead to good places