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Nightfall_
October 22nd, 2015, 10:41 AM
So recently i started writing poems and i think this is my best one? can anyone give me any input of there thoughts/constructive criticism? sorry if this post doesn't belong not his area, I'm under the influence that it is but if it's not, please move it to its correct category. Any way, here it is.

Jesus Christ, red roses thorn, when your dead, true love will mourn. Endless pain from the day your born, why now has it finally downed?

Satan's cross, two lives torn. A hospital bed ,now death is born. Infinite pain from the roses thorns, when the devils dead, we all will fall. Now your done and I'm the fool.

They bashed my head against the wall, they bruised my head with their professions tool. I remember when you'd go off your head, but now you can't because now your dead.

You lay across the cushioned bed, but a funeral's around the corner. Here comes the friends and family, the grave digger, and the mourner.

Here come the priest to spit some lies, he never really knew you, here comes my eulogy and then the friends, your daughter and your sons, to lay above your empty bed and watch the sun set behind you.

And now that the stories finally done I find my self, I'm crying. I embrace your arms and collapse into a ball, and cry into your shoulder.


~ So, yeah..... I will admit that I'm not the best writer but I try my best and I hope at least someone likes it. Thanks :D ~

xoxo B'ni Dhana
November 18th, 2015, 07:39 PM
I absolutely love poetry, i even write my own for fun. You are pretty talented, i was very endorsed in your poem. thank you it was a treat. :)