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View Full Version : Excited. But not really


ValentinClarke
October 18th, 2015, 01:33 PM
I'm going to Germany in a couple hours- 11:15pm British Time. With school, and some of my closest friends. I've looked forward to this for months. I'm packed. Ready to go. And right now, all I want to do is breakdown and cry. I haven't cut for 2 weeks, and that's a record for me at the moment. I don't even know why I am sad. That's the thing, it feels kinda numb at the moment, and every single thing either doesn't bother me, or bothers me to the point where I freak out. I've had panic attacks in the past, and right now I thought I was supposed to be getting better. I thought I was on the way up. It's kinda stuff with my friends, and like I've never really had a proper boy bestfriend, and it confuses me and stuff, especially with me being bi, or bi-curious. I don't know anymore. I don't know anything. I've been suicidal before, and I have struggles getting my emotions out. I'm planning to get counselling for that. All I want to do is cut, and smoke, and drink. All self damaging things, but idek. It's my birthday this week, and I think it's going to be a very somber one indeed. Don't worry. I won't be killing myself anytime soon. That's one of three things that could make me cry at the moment.

Vermilion
October 18th, 2015, 02:23 PM
Sorry to hear that you are down and Germany sounds nice. I think your just nervous and once you get there it will go away. Have a nice time