View Full Version : Broken again.

October 11th, 2015, 08:47 PM
Dogs having their hourly freakout sessions, my dad freaking out at me over god knows what. I just dont know what to do at the moment.

Ever since yesterday it seems my dad has been out for blood,

6:45 PM. I head down for dinner because nobody decided to even make an attempt to call me down for whatever reason. So I naturally go "Why didn't anybody call me down?" God forbid I ask questions here. Apparently it's because I always "scream" back at everyone. I am SO sorry, my BEDROOM (which has literal curtains for walls mind you) is so far away that I can't simply say "Ok." and have anybody hear me. It essentially ended with him basically covering his ears and going "Nah-nah-nah you're wrong." and me just going off.


Today the bloodlust is still running high apparently. I'm relaxing in my bedroom listening to music and playing some games, doing my usual things I do. When I get a nice big "HELLOOOOOOOO" from half way across the house. So I answer back and get a face full of "STOP GIVING ME ATTITUDE ARRRGH" which ends with my dad slamming doors in some kind of attempt to make a point.


I come down for dinner early tonight, and the household's favorite re-runs are on. The Walking Dead! Nobody is really paying much attention to it...as usual. So I joke around about it being moreso a soap opera then anything else. I was teasing and was getting teased back. It was light hearted and fun. Then, lo' and behold. "WE DONT NEED YOUR CRITICISMS. STOP." I argue that it was just light hearted and me and the other person were just playing along. But oh no, i'm just a brat who needs to learn to stop "arguing" with everything my dad says. I'm fumed at this point and my sister asks me if this one character on it is my favorite and I say the dumbest thing I could have at the time:

"I guess so, but I can't really have an OPINION right now."

Needlless to say, I get told to shut up and get out. So I eat in the living room with my sister. Afterwards, I jump on the PC. I play around for a few minutes and then promptly get told to piss off, and now here I am, posting this.

Ever since last year my dad has been literally on top of my back for everything. At the drop of a T he threatens me with anything ranging from hitting me ("knocking some sense into me") to refusing to help me with any college funding (Not that he's even bothered to save ANYTHING at all. Money is really tight around here, so i understand that.) to fake calling the cops because im in the house and being "belligerent." (I walked inside when my dad shoved me out for watching one of "his TVs.") to threating to throw me out when I turn 18. (January 1st! Yaaaay /sarcasm.)

He freaked out in the doctors office this summer when I said that I "know how to drive" despite me not having my license yet. (Another loooong story.) which ended with me getting grounded for 2/3 of my summer, and plenty of threats following that.

I feel like I'm at my minds end with so much junk going on now. I talk with friends over steam when I get the chance, but even then it gets brushed off. I end up feeling that i'm in the wrong. It's just because my parents are disabled and can't work.

I get told I do nothing so much. Everything that happens is apparently "no big deal" and my dad says he would "never hit me." But I dont even know any more.

Every single time this happens I shatter like a wine bottle on a tile floor. And I feel like I struggle to pick the pieces up every time.

I'm going nowhere in my life. No Job, no car, no drivers license, no real plan for college (Yay community college.)

I feel so lost with myself. I just don't know what to do.

I feel like I'm always the problem. It's always my fault.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm better off just leaving. But it's always just a random thought. Never to come to light.

I feel like I'm just pretending to be happy occasionally. I smile at home and go "Yeah! Okay! It's all right!" But am I really happy? I just don't know.

I'm broken again.


Pardon any grammar, spelling and what have yous. typing on a ps3 is extremely laggy at times.