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Etcetera
January 8th, 2014, 11:19 AM
Okay, so I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from past abuse and from me being assaulted.

I'm really struggling at night. It's so hard to go to sleep, because I know what lies in my dreams. It takes me hours to go to sleep and then when I do after sleeping only for a couple hours, I have a flashback nightmare and I wake up screaming. After that, I'm too scared to go back to sleep, because I keep reliving the abuse, and that's where he is now is in my dreams. I can't get rid of it. I'm too scared to go back to sleep so I'll sit there in my bed and just rock back and forth until it's time to get up for school or whatever. It's getting bad, I didn't even sleep last night.

My problem is that I also have epilepsy, so if I don't sleep I have a seizure the next day. And now that's happening a lot and my epilepsy isn't even under control either, much less with me not sleeping that just makes it worse.

What can I do?

Miserabilia
January 8th, 2014, 02:54 PM
I know this my sound like stupid question but are you going to a psychologist?
Or someone else to talk to?
PTSD is pretty serious (but ofcourse you know that) and it can take a huge toll mentally from what I know

Etcetera
January 8th, 2014, 03:00 PM
I know this my sound like stupid question but are you going to a psychologist?
Or someone else to talk to?
PTSD is pretty serious (but ofcourse you know that) and it can take a huge toll mentally from what I know


They are in the process of getting me a new therapist. I was going to one, but then we moved and so then I couldn't go to her anymore. That was a year ago.

Katiya
January 10th, 2014, 02:42 AM
I've got the same thing. Im constantly reminded of my experiences and its quite a sick mind bending feeling. I continue doing what ever I normally do but its a very harsh crule feeling and I just want to throw up. Literally I feel like vomiting. Its like sudden extream motion sickness. It also feels like o might collapse at any moment. Its a weird sinking feeling I can feel in my heart as if I'm dying for a moment. Its actually painful.

I have issues sleeping from it too but sense my head trauma sleep has become disrupted nurologicaly as well. But Iwake up screaming, thrashing or crying or gasping for air. Or sometimes iI just wake up in horror. The dreams feel real even though I know its a dream and it is unpleasant enough to keep me from sleep.

So I can relate. I am unable to talk to anyone so I keep it inside and just continue with life as fast as possible and jump from one thing to the next to keep my mind off of it much as possible. And don't think about it and avoid stuff that reminds me of it best I can.

Etcetera
January 10th, 2014, 10:18 AM
I've got the same thing. Im constantly reminded of my experiences and its quite a sick mind bending feeling. I continue doing what ever I normally do but its a very harsh crule feeling and I just want to throw up. Literally I feel like vomiting. Its like sudden extream motion sickness. It also feels like o might collapse at any moment. Its a weird sinking feeling I can feel in my heart as if I'm dying for a moment. Its actually painful.

I have issues sleeping from it too but sense my head trauma sleep has become disrupted nurologicaly as well. But Iwake up screaming, thrashing or crying or gasping for air. Or sometimes iI just wake up in horror. The dreams feel real even though I know its a dream and it is unpleasant enough to keep me from sleep.

So I can relate. I am unable to talk to anyone so I keep it inside and just continue with life as fast as possible and jump from one thing to the next to keep my mind off of it much as possible. And don't think about it and avoid stuff that reminds me of it best I can.


There's stuff that I still have never told anyone about my past. But I relive them in the flashbacks and nightmares. It's so hard for me to sleep. And sometimes I have flashbacks like in the middle of school where I'm not asleep but I have it. It's like I'm reliving it.

Katiya
January 11th, 2014, 02:17 AM
There's stuff that I still have never told anyone about my past. But I relive them in the flashbacks and nightmares. It's so hard for me to sleep. And sometimes I have flashbacks like in the middle of school where I'm not asleep but I have it. It's like I'm reliving it.

I get that too. I've wanted to tell. Finally I did sort of on an anonymous hotline. Then I just kind of forgot about talking to anyone after my final big failure with therapy. Seriously I'd love to slap that son of a bitch silly. He lied lied lied and thought he could trick me into doing something I'd never ever do. Worst therapist ever! And worse yet I trusted him. Well learnt lesson there. Keep it to your self and don't trust assholes.

I get what you mean. I had a day like that today where I relive it while awake. I really don't know what to do and just set absent mindedly lost on the flashback till it's over. It does affect life for me sense I don't want to start sobbing in public. I've literally ran away from people to avoid crying in front of them.
I wish some one could know and I could share my story in person with some one I trust but Iknow tthat's not ever going to happen. So I just stuff it until some point I finally crack. :S I don't have another option. Some people are lucky and have close peeps to talk with but I just don't.
It's strange. I don't like to be coddled, but some times I wish some one would. Just once that Icould be the weak one and be supported instead of always holding up a ton of bricks. Everyone needs a break some time and a shoulder to cry on.

ksdnfkfr
January 11th, 2014, 02:51 AM
Sadly cognitive behavior therapy is probably the only thing that will really work for this.
Do you know if you could take something mild like Xanax to help you get to sleep?

Etcetera
January 11th, 2014, 12:27 PM
Sadly cognitive behavior therapy is probably the only thing that will really work for this.
Do you know if you could take something mild like Xanax to help you get to sleep?

They are looking at putting me back on anxiety/depression meds. It just depends if it interferes with my seizures again or not.

ksdnfkfr
January 11th, 2014, 02:30 PM
They are looking at putting me back on anxiety/depression meds. It just depends if it interferes with my seizures again or not.

Based on the side effects I had with the SSRI took i can see that as a possibility
But the benzodiazepine has always been very mild with no side effect.
it only lasts about four hours, but that's enough to get to sleep

Katiya
January 12th, 2014, 01:47 AM
Sadly cognitive behavior therapy is probably the only thing that will really work for this.
Do you know if you could take something mild like Xanax to help you get to sleep?

Sadly good therapy is extremely expensive and unless you have good insurance you ccan't get it in the usa. I would not advize going to any of the free or state run mental health organizations as I have found these to be quite sub par. Often I see them do more harm than good. I'm warning you. They like to throw people in the nut house which is an even worse place yet. Forced female exams and forced psychotropic medication and weeks of stay with nothing to do. You can't even use the toilet or shower without someone starring right at you the whole time. It might even be a man. And staff are extremely rude and humiliate patents on a daily basis. Its truly an epic failure. Don't ever go.
Once again privetly run places are better but are for the very rich.


Xanex would be OK. Just don't get addicted.

ksdnfkfr
January 12th, 2014, 02:10 AM
Sadly good therapy is extremely expensive and unless you have good insurance you ccan't get it in the usa. I would not advize going to any of the free or state run mental health organizations as I have found these to be quite sub par. Often I see them do more harm than good. I'm warning you. They like to throw people in the nut house which is an even worse place yet. Forced female exams and forced psychotropic medication and weeks of stay with nothing to do. You can't even use the toilet or shower without someone starring right at you the whole time. It might even be a man. And staff are extremely rude and humiliate patents on a daily basis. Its truly an epic failure. Don't ever go.
Once again privetly run places are better but are for the very rich.

I was reading on my autism forum that it used to be they would
institutionalize people, but now its the opposite and getting into a
mental hospital is really hard, cause they shut down most of them
to save tax money. But I know getting CBT is difficult in the US. I've
been through so much therapy stuff in my life, getting CBT set up for me
wasnt that hard i guess. idk how all my medical stuff is paid for. But
i have always been in the "special needs" category.

thatgothgirluknow
January 12th, 2014, 08:56 PM
I've hone through ally of this and I find that u realty need some to talk to bottling it will only make it worse but sadly that's not always possible I've found that it is really hard to explain it to others and when I have one of my episodes I completely stop talking all together I have herd strong smells and taste cab help but Idk cause I've never been diagnosed for me I have my flash backs while. I'm awake so sleep has never been a problem I'm not very good with coping though

Katiya
January 24th, 2014, 02:07 AM
I was reading on my autism forum that it used to be they would
institutionalize people, but now its the opposite and getting into a
mental hospital is really hard, cause they shut down most of them
to save tax money. But I know getting CBT is difficult in the US. I've
been through so much therapy stuff in my life, getting CBT set up for me
wasnt that hard i guess. idk how all my medical stuff is paid for. But
i have always been in the "special needs" category.

I don't know what the rest of USA is like. However I know in our area people end up in the nut hut for the stupidest things. They use it to try and 'cure or fix' autism which has resulted in one girl going completely catatonic after her stay and is extremely traumatized. They use prolonged solitary confinement and strapping to cots as punishment. They are very dehumanizing and crule. I've heard this about Florida as well.

However people without insurance can't get in when they actually need it. All the people I know had private insurance and they milked it. I believe that's why they send them there. Even for minor cutting they admit patients against their will.

I have learnt that where I live is much different than other places. Our whole MHO is corrupt. Patients on government funds don't get treated but patients with insurance even state insurance are often forced into unnessesary treatment. The local MHO provides guaranteed jobs for therapist and psychiatristright out if college. The ones that ccan't make it on their own go to MHO or stay there while the good ones leave and go private.

Doctors are also extremely hard to find. Normal ones. Months of waiting even with private insurance and meds are hard to get. Like my migraine injections. No insurance and you can not get a doc to see you.