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View Full Version : Uncomfortable arround men?


Katiya
December 13th, 2013, 04:50 PM
For some reason I feel extremely uncomfortable around 99% of men. I just want to get up and leave asap. Idk why. I've been this way long as I can remember. And I hate being touched by them even more. Like a Dr when they take ur breathing rate and stuff. I just hate being around them. And being touched like my Dr today just feels really creepy even tho its nothing inappropriate for a Dr, female docs to the same things at visits and they don't bother me. I hate it so much so that I'm never going back to a guy doc again. Idk why i ever agreed to go in the first place. Being around men makes me feel disgusting. Females do not bother me a bit. Even my dad bothers me though I know he would never ever ever like molest me or anything.


Generally the men that don't bother me are smaller and soft spoken. I figure they are more my size and I could take them in a fight if I had to. And I don't feel quite so much like Ihave to get away.

I'm not sure why I feel this way, I've never been raped. I can't talk to anyone about this because my mom would think someone did rape me and go berzirk on me. It could be that my dad and I have fought physically for years and I did have a few guys try to hurt me but I got away. This spans the age from like 15 - 90. Pretty much any guy bothers me.

I also hate being grabbed, by any gender. Like if you were to grab me by the arm or middle I would flip and beat the shit out of you instinctively. It makes me feel helpless and trapped and I have to get away at all costs.

I always feel like men are going to hurt me and if I don't leave I might be trapped and they will force me to well you know. Even if its like in front of 1000 people I still feel that they will hurt me or try to get me somewhere where they can.

Does anyone else feel this way? Why do I have this issue?

Tarannosaurus
December 13th, 2013, 06:15 PM
All of that is the same for me. I get those feelings and fears too, like when a male doctor had to examine me which involved touching my abdomen. I also hate physical contact and if a friend or someone grabs me unexpectedly I get a split second of feeling complete terror. When talking to/in the area of an older man I often find myself checking for escape routes and exposed target areas just in case. This may stem from certain minor incidents with my father but I'm not sure.

Katiya
December 13th, 2013, 08:16 PM
All of that is the same for me. I get those feelings and fears too, like when a male doctor had to examine me which involved touching my abdomen. I also hate physical contact and if a friend or someone grabs me unexpectedly I get a split second of feeling complete terror. When talking to/in the area of an older man I often find myself checking for escape routes and exposed target areas just in case. This may stem from certain minor incidents with my father but I'm not sure.

Oh I'm so glad I'm not the only one. Idk if it comes from past events or just knowing there are bad people this day in age. Either way it makes me very uncomfortable. Some don't bother me. However they are usually quite young, friendly and generally small. So they don't look threatening I guess. And I subconsciously either believe I could win in a fight or talk them down easily and escape if iI had too.

Quick_Sylver
December 13th, 2013, 11:48 PM
From my own experiences of abuse/sexual abuse/any form of attack from the male sex - it seems likely that this cautious/discomfort stems from the physical fighting with your dad.

I personally have worked on my own "fears" and fight/flight response somewhat, and usually I can control it.. However, the grabbing panic is still one with me. I was almost suspended recently because a close friend came up behind me and grabbed my shoulders after a panic attack to give me a hug, I proceeded to throw her and almost punched her in the throat in front of my principal. Yeah.

You're most definitely not alone. I promise. Does talking to them from a distance/through the phone work easier for you? Talk to your closer "guy" friends and get them to help you? Would self defense classes help sooth your anxiety caused by them? I don't know what all would work for you hun, I'm more or less figuring it out on my own to be honest.

Katiya
December 14th, 2013, 02:28 AM
I'm OK on the phone. I don't have any guy friends. Or girl friends either lol. I've been recovering from some bad injuries from a freak car accident so I haven't gotten out much to meet anyone in a long time. I have taken self defense and recently tryed again but my injuries have kept me from attending. I'm going to make an attempt to go back to college tthis winter.

Idk what would work for me. I just always get the feeling even when I know logicly they won't do anything. Like being in the principals office in HS, its a older guy and no way is he gonna do anything but I feel the same. I'm the same with professors in college, they stand close to talk and I keep backing up tward the door because I want to be out of reach even tho they probably just trying to hear what I'm saying.

Tarannosaurus
December 14th, 2013, 09:16 AM
Would self defense classes help sooth your anxiety caused by them?

^Katiya that might be a good idea I'm planning to start taekwondo in the new year.

Quick_Sylver
December 14th, 2013, 11:47 AM
I'm OK on the phone. I don't have any guy friends. Or girl friends either lol. I've been recovering from some bad injuries from a freak car accident so I haven't gotten out much to meet anyone in a long time. I have taken self defense and recently tryed again but my injuries have kept me from attending. I'm going to make an attempt to go back to college tthis winter.

Idk what would work for me. I just always get the feeling even when I know logicly they won't do anything. Like being in the principals office in HS, its a older guy and no way is he gonna do anything but I feel the same. I'm the same with professors in college, they stand close to talk and I keep backing up tward the door because I want to be out of reach even tho they probably just trying to hear what I'm saying.

Im so sorry to hear that, I'm glad you're recovering from the accident. Perhaps when it's easier for you to socialize you can try dealing with them if you -want- to? You don't really have to.

^Katiya that might be a good idea I'm planning to start taekwondo in the new year.

You will be sore for about 3 months and then you'll feel fluid. Tae Kwon Do is -amazing-.

Katiya
December 14th, 2013, 04:46 PM
Im so sorry to hear that, I'm glad you're recovering from the accident. Perhaps when it's easie for you to socialize you can try dealing with them if you -want- to? You don't really have to.



You will be sore for about 3 months and then you'll feel fluid. Tae Kwon Do is -amazing-.

Thanks. I hope to start back in gym soon at least for uneaven bars. I'm a gymnast. I also want to try take kwon do. I've done some before and really liked it.

I'm not sure the feeling will ever go away. Its like an instinct. It doesn't bother me except being around men. When I'm not near them I don't worry at all. It might just be a natural self preservation that's inborn. Any how I listen to it and I have avoided a few total creeps. I was at a shop and this guy wanted me to come in the back, of course I felt so uncomfortable and that the situation was very wrong so I left. A few weeks later he was in the paper for CSC getting a young girl in the back of his shop and raping her. Go figure 0.0

So I might be over sensitive however I'm not sure its a bad thing. They do say to listen to your instincts. I don't think its wise to ignore them lol

I'm just glad I'm not the only one that feels this way

lewy
December 17th, 2013, 07:39 PM
I feel the same and I am male, really big men scare the hell out of me completely. I don't think like along the lines I could win in a fight but I do carry around a spray that has a dye (spelling) in it just to make me feel safer. So at least I can think if they come to close then I can spray them and they would get the hell away from me.

As for being touched I hate it as well unless I really trust that person. Because I am younger that my brother and sister they are grown up and have kids, I am fine playing and touching hands stuff like that - I know they won't hurt me unless its an accident. But other people just... make me feel like they made me dirty or something. Maybe I am weird one but not like being touched is common and many people don't like it so don't feel bad about it.

As for doctors I always ask to see a female doctor because the men just expect you do thing. Like one make doctor wanted to give me an injection and I was so scared I took off my shirt, then vomited outside because it felt like he had attacked me or something. But in general doctors just expect you to do things, like I fell down the stairs in June I think and even though its my feet - going to the hospital, see different doctors all want to look at it. Why? Its not changed! They don't even ask if you mind take your shoes and socks off they just say do it.

Sorry to hear about your car accident I hope you are getting better now and have healed. Cars scare the hell out of me as well - then again I am weird!

Katiya
December 18th, 2013, 09:41 PM
Haha, yeah. Its become stressful to drive and very terrifying to ride in someone else's car as that's how I got injured. I was a passenger and the driver of the car I was in ran a stop sign and so did another car that hit us. The car I was in rolled 3 times and went end over end landing upside down in the ditch down the road after a head angular on collision. The other driver was saved by their airbags but the angle they hit us caused me to smash my face on the dash missing the airbags before knocking me out on the side bar while rolling. All of us had seat belts. If I wasn't wearing it I'd be dead. So Wear ur seat belts peeps! They save lives!

I like female doc too. However sometimes you can't avoid them :/

Spray with dye!? Where do you get that? I'd like that to keep handy when alone especially useful is the dye if t stains skin