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View Full Version : please help i am so confused


EmptySoul
July 21st, 2013, 12:09 AM
My height is 163.2 cm (5ft 4 1/2 inches) 42.4 KG (93.0351 poundss according to google) and I'm nearly 17 years old in a few weeks.

I just wanted to know if I may be beccoming a little to obsessed with food and body image. My mums having money troubles, worryig about the food shopping and always talking about weight loss and saying things like I am so fat i really need to lose weeight then turning to me and saying i wish i was as skinny as you and other things like you'l never have the problem of trying to find clothes that fit. When she goes on abotuhte food shopping I'm always thinking of ways that I can stop atig meals or help her reduce the amount of food se by sby me eating less an thigns like that. And to top it off my gramps is really sick and my mum has gone out of the country for 2 weeks to visit him. All of these thigns are stressigng me out and making me hate myself and how I look in the mirror.


I have ADHD so take meds for it that are apetite suppresants (Concerta and Ritalin) but i like, actually I love the fact that they supress my appetite and help my metabolism burn faster. What I don't like is the fact that I take these meds every day because I need to, and my parents make jokes like Maybe I should see if I can get them prescribed for me so I cana lose weight and be as skinny as you. I the these comments but whenevefer I say things to defelct from them my mum just doesn't seem to cknowledge it, and her sister used to have bullimia when he was younger and I'm terrrified if I say something wrong when she makes those sort of comments that she'll make me talk to her partner who is a mental health nurse. I have always been underweight for my height and weight but my doctor says that its normal coz i was born prem and have to take my meds which supress my appetite. But i don't want to talk to my mums partner coz im terrified he'll commit me, he once said he would do it to my sister if she kept going the way she was as she sort of developed a ED for a few months then broke out of the mindframe a little,so now she isn't as fixated. But ever since she started focussing on her weight so dramatically I have started hating the way I look and my weight.

At school I hate to eat recess or lunch as feel as thoguh everybody is judging me and stuff. A few weeks befoe these holidays i made a comment t my freind that i was just gonna grab my up and go from my bag coz i felt a little hugnry and she said "wow your hungry you never eat i'm suprerised. and it made want to spit the food out right then and there i felt so disgusted tht i had eaten infront of somebody. I ae htat feeling as I feel like I am being judged.

My parents always used to focus on how much I ate due to my tabs, so i'm used to that though recently it makes me hate to eat in front of anybody like i start to think that they will see me for the huge pig that i am. My dad teaches children with disabilities and one of them has ADHD as well and is on Ritalin so my dad asked his arent is they effect his appetite coz he wanted to know if they affected his eating habits as much as mine, and i felt like a dear in the headlights, like he as gonna figure out that although I need the tablets I was using the my tabs make me not hungry escuse even when I was and I was worried that he would see thorugh this.

My sister doens't help when she makes snarky comments about weight and stuff. She asked me the other day when we saw this cute newborn baby when we were out and we got talking about how she must be prem as she ws sooo tiny yet absolutely adorable, and my mums partner said that she probaly weighed more than i did when i was her age as i was less than a few pounds (i cant remember the exact weight atm). My sister turned around and said that I'm like 85 pounds and i got confused thinking she meant when i was born but when she said now i just looked at her and was like no, she replied well how would you know. But since i used to try the modelling competitions they sometimes wanted your weight in pounds not kg's, I remembered and she says well then what are you but i felt so fat when i realised that i was way heavier than what she speculted. I felt so fat when she said that.

Is there something wrong with me or am I just being stupid and selfish. I no my mum has more important things to worry about at the moment so I don't want to burden her with this when she get back. But I also wan tot know if I may have a problem. And if I talk to someone about my concerns how the hell do I get the guts and what do I say to them?:confused: