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View Full Version : Relationships just amaze me...


Xandle
April 7th, 2013, 10:36 AM
It just amazes me how many people actually manage to find someone they like, who also likes them, and then manage to communicate it to each other every day. I'm a 17 year old straight guy who's never even had a first kiss while almost all my friends around me have either been in a relationship, are in a relationship or 'just started kissing so and so and now I really like him'. I just have this fear that I'm going to be one of those 40 year old virgins or only finally meet someone 10 years from now when I'm so late in the game. I just feel like I'm missing out, like I'm so lonely and isolated. I really crave the love that comes with a relationship and it's driving me nuts not having anyone. I have the friends that try to sympathise with me by saying they're lonely too, but while I agree inside I'm thinking "BULLSHIT. At least you've been with someone before and at least know what it's like. I've never even experienced it!". I just don't even know where to start. I don;t like anyone right now, but when you do, what do you even do? Flirt? Well whenever I try to flirt to at least try and make her like me, too, I always end up making a new best friend. I'm an expert at the friendzone. If I could get a girlfriend as easily as I can make a friend who is a girl by flirting then I'd be fighting them off with a baseball bat. I just don't get it. How so many of my friends are either in or have been in a relationship or has at least had physical contact with the opposite sex. The most contact I've ever had with a girl is a friendly peck on the cheek. I'm just so desperate to find someone to be my companion. Not just straight out desperate, desperate to find someone I really like who likes me, too. As alone as I feel, I still wouldn't just go out with anyone for the sake of having a girlfriend. I really feel like I need someone, and not having someone and never having had someone right now is just getting emotionally draining, especially seeing all my friends so happy. I'm just so scared that it's still going to be a long time until this happens for me.
Thank you to anyone who actually reads all this :) and please give any advice you can...

Gandalf
April 7th, 2013, 10:49 AM
Quote re-ommited after posting for space saving.

The biggest thing here is that the probability is, you just havent met the right person yet. Patience is really a huge factor, and I know that isn't what you want to be told but it's true.

I always thought during my early teenage years that I'd never experience love or romance, and while I don't wish to sound conceited, it did happen. -While I'm 16, it still applies that there is no rush at all, everybody experiences different things through life and an important point is that comparing yourself to others will not help,

Companionship is something many people desire, and it doesn't have to be a relationship, you could make a new friend or build on the friendships you already have and try and enjoy life.

I still wouldn't just go out with anyone for the sake of having a girlfriend

I really respect this, it shows you have a good level of maturity and that's a good thing. There really is more to life than relationships and those milestones, they'll happen in time. I hope that's of some help to you to remember, being single you have more time to focus on anything you want to do.

I think it'd be worth looking at your friendships, and your activities and see if there is anything practical you could change, so at least you don't feel so alone all the time. Perhaps it could be as simple as meeting up with an old friend, or trying to organise activities on a more regular basis.

Whatever you choose to do, remember that there are others who are in exactly the same position and things will get better... :)

Xandle
April 7th, 2013, 11:09 AM
Thanks a lot :) To be honest I'm really not sure what I was looking for by posting this. I suppose some sort of reassurance? I suppose with the whole being lonely thing, I meant it in a relationship way, as in the idea that you can have the best friends in the world, but when they all have that special someone by their side, you still feel alone in comparison. I know I shouldn't be comparing myself to others, and hearing you say it really did help to remind me of that, but it's kind of hard to, especially when all your friends keep telling you about it. I suppose as well that even my closest friends I have near me I don't feel that close to. We have fun and everything, but I've never had that best friend that you tell everything to and do everything with. All my closest friends either don't quite understand this whole relationship thing I'm having or have so many teenage problems of their own that I feel bad bringing it up. I'm by no means clinically depressed or anything. I'm more just, really frustrated, because there's nothing I can just go out and do. It all just, happens. If i wanted a best friend I'd know that when I found them I'd just make friends and that would develop, but with a girlfriend, you somehow need to make an active jump from friends to more. I need to somehow get out of the friendzone that I seem to be able to so expertly park my way into almost every time.

Gandalf
April 7th, 2013, 11:20 AM
I know what you mean, but if you could build on your friendships and become closer, the desire for a companion might well become more bearable.

Teen relationships don't last forever in most cases, and with regard to "I've never had that best friend that you tell everything to and do everything with" I think this is the biggest cliche in social reality.

Some people just like having their space and it's ok, being with the same person over and over can create it's own problems, I think it's finding a right balance between socialising and alone time. :)

Xandle
April 7th, 2013, 11:38 AM
I know what you mean, but if you could build on your friendships and become closer, the desire for a companion might well become more bearable.
Yeah I guess you're right. I recently saw some friends that live much further away and just had the most incredible time with them that all other problems seemed to just melt away..

and with regard to "I've never had that best friend that you tell everything to and do everything with" I think this is the biggest cliche in social reality.
And this. This is so true. I wish it wasn't but it really is.

Thank you so much for your advice, it really helps so much :)

Disappearing_Girl
April 7th, 2013, 01:56 PM
It will happen! Patience is a virtue(: I give you props for not rushing into anything just for the sake of having a girlfriend. Don't stress about it. I know how you feel, and its tough. While its good to wait for the person who is right for you, its also good to take chances. Have you asked the girls who have 'friendzoned' you to go out with you? Or are you just assuming by their actions that you have been friendzoned?

Xandle
April 8th, 2013, 09:36 AM
Have you asked the girls who have 'friendzoned' you to go out with you? Or are you just assuming by their actions that you have been friendzoned?

Well, there was one girl a few years ago that I asked out that properly friendzoned me. That really sucked. But I suppose after that it's just been me assuming. I guess I'm just absolutely awful at making the first move. I can have a really friendly chat with a girl that could be taken as flirting, but I can't do it in an obvious way and I'm crap at making any sort of move. I suppose that and the fact that I keep convincing myself I like people. To be honest, I haven't actually really liked someone that I know for about 4 years, but I keep seeing people I don't know very well at all and convincing myself that I'm madly in love with them. I guess the other problem, though is that I'd be afraid to actually ask out a girl that I did know well, because if she said no I'd have to see her all the time...

Thanks, though, that really helped - I guess I see where I'm going wrong now, I just don't really know how to correct it. I'm the sort of guy who's really confident in situations I'm comfortable with, but really nervous in ones that I'm not. I suppose I don't really understand how to make the first move...

xmojox
April 9th, 2013, 03:06 PM
If you find that you're liking a girl in a more than friends kind of way, you've gotta let her know...or at least make her wonder. If you act like nothing more than a friend, friend's are what you're gonna wind up with. No point in being frustrated, though. Patience will pay off and you'll find the right person....

Xandle
April 10th, 2013, 10:06 AM
If you find that you're liking a girl in a more than friends kind of way, you've gotta let her know...or at least make her wonder. If you act like nothing more than a friend, friend's are what you're gonna wind up with. No point in being frustrated, though. Patience will pay off and you'll find the right person....

Yeah I suppose you're right. I'm just utterly crap at doing that. Thank you guys so much - you've helped me see things much clearer than I ever have before :) I just feel like I'm having a massive depressing thing with all sorts of relationships right now. I've always cared a lot about what people think of me but right now it just feels like all my relationships are bombing. I feel like I just need to get away from it all. Like, move away and just kind of, start again.. I don't know...