View Full Version : Am I at a disadventage by birth?

March 15th, 2013, 06:25 PM
Hello, people of this forum. This is my first post, and probably one of my only. I just wanted some other opinions on something that happened to me today.

First, some back ground about me. My mother is white, and I assume that means that my father is black (I've never met him) because I have Afro hair. I'm mixed, obviously, but I might as well be pure Caucasian. My skin is fairly light and I don't act like the average black person in America, and I tend to have an aversion to black people, actually. The only thing that immediately identifies me as black is my hair, which I hate (I try to keep it cut low).

Growing up, I was never very popular and to this day I've never had a girlfriend. Or many girl friends for that matter. I've never been very socially adept. I find myself mainly interested in white girls, but there are defiantly a hand-full of minority girls I find attractive. I've only ever gone after white women, and when I was turned down I was under the assumption they just didn't like my personality, you know?

But today, something sort of hit me surprisingly hard. There is this white girl at my school that I find really attractive. I've liked her for awhile and finally started moving in. She said that she didn't like the fact that liked her. I asked her why, and she said that I wasn't her color.

Her rejection of me isn't what hurt me though. Earlier in high school I sort of fell in love with this one redhead. I really didn't know her all that well, and we never really talked but for some reason I have really strong feelings for her. I asked her out (badly) several times, and after multiple "no's" I figured I just wasn't good enough for her. But I think that in the back on my mind, my race had something to do with it. My friends used to joke that she and I would have really weird kids, which is true. I've never even heard of a black guy and a redhead before. Back then, I wasn't at all good with women. But when I consider that the only guy she ever dated back then was this really ugly white guy who should of been a grade ahead of us and frequently participated in illegal activities (she isn't like that), I really have to ask what he had that I didn't.

So, I guess I want to know what you guys think. Does the black part of me put me a serious disadvantage in the world of dating, since I'm mainly into white girls? What can I do about it? I'm already bad with girls, the last thing I need is a disadvantage I can't control.

Thanks for reading.

March 16th, 2013, 03:20 AM
Just keep trying and don't let it get you down. Not everyone you like is gonna like you back, and some rejection is inevitable for everyone. Personally I think you should be happy that you saw this girl's true colors (no pun intended) before you invested any more time in her. I'd suggest that you work on liking and accepting yourself. Be comfortable in your own skin and confident of who you are and I bet you will find a lot of difference. Unless you happen to live in a really super-racist corner of the world.

March 22nd, 2013, 09:28 PM
Thanks for responding. I've never felt comfortable in my own skin, and stuff like this doesn't help. I'm just generally sad, I guess. Maybe you'll read the post I'm about to make.

March 22nd, 2013, 09:34 PM
no... redheads are weird thats all... Im mixed as well... AND MIXED PEOPLE ARE THE BEST KIND OF PEOPLE!

March 22nd, 2013, 10:21 PM
Thanks for responding. I've never felt comfortable in my own skin, and stuff like this doesn't help. I'm just generally sad, I guess. Maybe you'll read the post I'm about to make.

I'll gladly read it. If it's not too much trouble post on my wall once you've made it. I just checked and you haven't yet.

March 23rd, 2013, 11:37 AM
my skin is pretty light and my facial hair is all curly.

March 23rd, 2013, 11:53 AM
I doubt anyone will believe me because of how pale I am, but my dad has pretty dark skin and he's never had a problem with women. Don't let it get you down, even though you really liked her - she's clearly being a racist and doesn't deserve you care and affection :)

You'll find your one - even if you have to go through many like I did. :)

Horatio Nelson
March 23rd, 2013, 12:20 PM
I'm half mexican-half white. But I haven't encountered any issues.....I'm sorry they are bieng racist, that's totally uncalled for.

March 23rd, 2013, 01:44 PM
I wish you luck with dating. There is NOTHING wrong with you, if somebody is going to judge you then they're being idiots. You sound like a nice person and people should judge you by that, not anything else.

March 24th, 2013, 03:16 PM
She's clearly racist, but I get the impression you somewhat are, too. The redhead you said you didn't know well at all. That's probably why she said no to you. I wouldn't blame it on your race.

March 24th, 2013, 07:00 PM
If all she can see is you're not 'her color' then she isnt worth your time.

You're not disadvantaged, you just need to find someone who respects you for who you are

March 25th, 2013, 09:57 AM
The world is full of people you will find morally hideous and repulsive. It's all about finding the few ones that like you.

March 26th, 2013, 02:40 PM
I think maybe you should just try to see how it is with black girls. And there's nothing wrong with being mixed. Personally i think mixed guys are very attractive, try some other races as well, maybe Asian or Hispanic girls( anything really) its easier to find someone when you aren't tying yourself down to one kind of girl. You might be surprised by what happens, you never know unless you try, right?

March 28th, 2013, 11:31 AM
When you get out of school and in to the 'real world' I think you'll find things are a lot different. She seems very ignorant and closed minded if the fact that you're mixed race bothers her, if a girl is bothered by your race then she's not even worth pursuing. Honestly I don't think most people are like that, you might have just had a couple of particularly unfortunate runs. No ones expecting you to like people of your own race, we can't help who we're attracted to. I'm Asian and the only people I've really been attracted to are white. You might find that some people aren't particularly attracted to you because of your ethnicity and because looks are always the base of someone's opinion that might handicap you in some way. For the most though I don't think it will be a problem for the majority of people you meet. Just give it time and you'll find someone that reciprocates your feelings.

March 28th, 2013, 07:45 PM
Wow, thanks for all the responses. It makes me happy.

Awakened Sin
March 28th, 2013, 10:58 PM
Well coming from a Black person being "black" has never put me at a disadvantage of getting girls. More like the opposite, they are all races at that to (especially white females). Please Britanian11 do not be afraid of your other half embrace it! Never be ashamed of who you are. This girl was not the right one for you, you will know when the right one comes.