View Full Version : Very annoying "dealbreaker" when meeting a woman.

March 13th, 2013, 05:03 PM
I havent posted here since I was 18 haha, but whenever I have problems in this department, you guys always know the right advice to give.

Ok, so I've been dating for the last couple years. Girlfriend here and there, etc. ive recently realized that every woman ive gotten intimately close with (and theres obviously an exlusive relationship coming), i always tend to ask them if they find anyone more attractive than me. Its such a weird, and selfish question. I have this belief that when things are getting very intense between me and a woman, they are the most beautiful to me. My feelings for them put their image above everyone else. So i guess i expect the same from them.

Dont get me wrong, they are obviously going to find other men attractive, just like ill still find other women attractive. Buts its a matter of, if theyre MORE attractive. I have this feeling in my gut that i know i wouldnt be able to handle it if a girl who loved me was able to find someone else more attractive, such as a celebrity, etc. Do i have a problem? Or is the way im acting normal? I just have a fear of getting really involved with someone only to find out im not the hottest thing in their eyes. I feel when the relationship is getting very intimate, both people should find eachother the best possible looking. This gives me terrible anxiety and probably makes me come off as immature to the women I get involved with. So what is it? Am i crazy?

March 13th, 2013, 05:18 PM
Don't worry, you're not crazy! But, yes, asking your girlfriend whether she finds anyone more attractive than you is a bit of a touchy subject...
It kinda says to her "I'm insecure about how you feel about me, I have doubts".

Sure, she's likely to have silly crushes on celebrities and the like, but that's not real - unlike your relationship with them.

Also, you're not being immature, only insecure :)

Best thing to do is talk to her about how you're feeling and how it's been with your past relationships. If she loves you enough, she'll sit down with you and listen, hopefully understand where you're coming from.

Hope this helps! Good luck!

March 13th, 2013, 05:39 PM
Its so hard to accept being insecure when ive come such a long way. I remember the days of getting jealous for no reason. Ive grown so much since then, but perhaps youre right. I mean, the only thing it CAN stem from is insecurity. I guess its just something ill have to bare with, and hopefully whoever I meet is kind and honest enough to bare with that one thing :P Thank you for your advice, it's much appreciated.

March 13th, 2013, 07:51 PM
I think you're being normal, for the most part.

In my opinion, I think it is a bit immature of you, and insecure as well. It comes off as immature because as a lot of people would see it, it is logical that your partner may find someone who they think is more physically attractive than you in some way(s), and the mature thing to do is accept it, and don't get bent out of shape, because the chances of them running away with that person simply because they think they're "hot" are slim to none. ( Especially if you're talking about a celebrity. )

Talk to your female friend, but try to look at things from her perspective as well.

Personally, I don't mind it if my partner finds other people more attractive than me, and I think it's healthy for them to do the same. She may feel as I do, or she may not, you just have to look at things both ways.

March 13th, 2013, 07:59 PM
Hahah don't worry all guys feel somewhat the same way. Guys are naturally fighting to become the "Alpha" male so from my point of few, I think you think of yourself as attractive but in the back of your mind you think she might leave you for a more attractive guy, which is normal. My advice to you is try to stop worrying about if she finds other guys more attractive than you, because there will be guys that look better than you and guys that look worst than you. So just focus on loving her and keeping the relationship fresh and new. Don't let the spark die down.

March 14th, 2013, 02:47 PM
I agree with most of what has already been said and while reading your post i had the feeling i have seen this behavior before in a television series i often watch. In the TV "Two and Half Men" the character played by Jon Cryer, Allen Harper seem to sabotage almost every relationship he has by asking very similar questions to his girlfriend which ussually end up with him alone once again. While this is a work of fiction what makes his charater so funny and popular with tv viewers is that his behavior mimics real life for so many guys. It's almost as if some guys can't believe or trust things when everything is going well and want to disect the relationship to reassure themselves. Next time your in a relationship and find yourself wanting to ask these type of things why not just think of Allen Harper on "Two and Half Men" If that dosen't stop you cold from asking i can't think of anything that will.

March 23rd, 2013, 05:06 AM
I understand why you ask it, but I'd avoid it. If she's chosen that she wants to be with you and only you, you've obviously doing something right, despite the fact there's probably several guys more attractive. Obsessing over it is just going to drive a wedge between you and ultimately hurt you both.
I'll admit my gf isn't a beauty queen, but I love her for being her. Yeah I see more attractive girls in the street, etc, and in fairness she probably sees more attractive guys, but thats all looks, all window dressing, at the end of the day we chose each other for more than just that :)