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View Full Version : Losing myself.


KawaiiKimo
June 12th, 2012, 10:35 PM
I feel it. ;_; Im losing myself. I feel myself slipping away each day. Sometimes, I wake up in the morning thinking Why am I here? Why did I wake up? I never answer. But they do. They answer with the same question as always. The same reason we're here, to torture you. I'll never tell anyone. None of my family and friends that it is. The only person who knows is my girlfriend Kira. She's the only reason Im here. She's the only reason Im alive. Its pathetic I know. To rely on her. But there's no one else... No fucking one to be there. At first It was manageable. Creepy things would happen. But only when I was alone. Trying to sleep. Trying to not think of possibilities. I managed to smile and fake my mornings. Knowing I cried half the night about being watched by SOMETHING. All because They said It was there. I wake up. And Play pretend with my family. Like They dont tell me to just die. To cut myself and bleed out. They are my torturers. They not only do it when Im alone now. They do it in public. They make me spazz out and cry. I remember once,It touched me. I felt it. I know it did. Because After IT touched me I heard the laughing but only I was fazed by it. ONLY me. My family, They see my symptoms now. They see me for me, yet do nothing. Everyday I get worse and the voices get louder and more and more each day I want to give up. Im......Slowly.....Losing....The....Battle....To live. To breathe. To think on my own. To think without precautions. To accept myself as the monster I am.

redknight
June 13th, 2012, 08:39 AM
don't talk about killing your self, your life is worth more then that!.!. u need to talk an adult, tell someone u trust, your mom, dad, grandma, grandpa and last a teacher... if u tell a teacher don't talk about suicide if u do, they have too call your mom and dad by law, teacher can go to jail if they don't... tell your mom or dad, they care about u and your safe-ed that there job, maybe if u tell them they can take u too therapy and get u help because they love you with all there heart, your there baby and always will be.
here the suicide hotline, if u think like that(hope not) give them a call might help but i never called them before 1 800 273 8255. keep up the fight it ur life.

Captain64Bit
June 13th, 2012, 09:22 PM
Honestly what you need is something to live for, your passion whatever that maybe. Everyone is good at something, when i was in Grade 5-7 I sucked at all my classes except for computer science and art, now I’m a freelancer animator. People hire me to do there adds for TV and stuff. I get paid around $20-2000, well why because I spent my time on something that distracted me from my reality, there were games, but after your finished playing you feel more ashamed. So I looked. The hidden message is everyone has fire within them but it’s just a matter of time until someone ignites that spark (your passion). Let’s be honest, when you’re born into this world. You’re not born with knowledge, you have to learn it. Let’s say there this guy in your class, he's the best at maths , but sucks in English. It just means they spent more time studying/learning. If your gamer like me learn programing, if you like movies such as avatar then learn how to animate etc……. Anyways good luck fellow traveler find your path and take it.

InfamousPanda
June 13th, 2012, 09:46 PM
Listen man... I'm against pills and I'm against shrinks but this is MUCH different than what I'm used to. I think you need to get help from someone who knows this kind of stuff. Maybe they can help you faze it out, learn how to control it. Pills might REALLY be able to help too. Getting help is hard, but you might really need it

KawaiiKimo
June 16th, 2012, 01:58 AM
Its Hard Trying To Convince People That What I Say Is True. Not That Im A Liar Its Just....My Way Of Seeing And Hearing Something Is Taken As A Joke. Though They Know Something Is Seriously Wrong With. In Fact, Today My Sister Laughed At Me For Being Chronically Depressed. I Feel Like Utter Shit. Also Psychie Wards And Therapists Are A No No. If They Lock Me Away Then My GirlFriend Will Relapse. (She Suffers The Same Thing.)

redknight
June 16th, 2012, 05:42 AM
part of me think they are going to lock me up, then do what make u happy and hopeful it work, i might do the same, he trying to give me med but i dont want them, i feel like they will change me into a different person. think about ur furter & ur happen. if u think something really that bad then see a therapist but u can do it on ur own go for it bcuz u have a strong body mind & soul and noone can change that