View Full Version : I don't know how to help?

fire and water
January 23rd, 2012, 02:34 PM
My Mum sufffers from bi-polar disorder, and was only diagnosed when i was 9. So before that she obviously suffered from severe mood swings and was abusive toward me, but she's been near enough steady on her meds ever since, of course she veers off at times but that's understandable. My coping mechinism when i was younger was to stay silent and get the hell away from her, but now as i'm getting older i'm beggining to understand her, i understand how she works, mostly. It's like they're is constantly a ball of anxiety in her chest and if she didn't show her emotions through anger she'd be a shaking nervous wreck. I'm not going to bore you with more details, but i've come to understand is all that my mum wants is someone to look after her, something that no-one has done for her before. She want's some one to take her by the hand and help her, but i don't know how to. I've never been the child in our relationship, but i've also never been the adult. I don't know how to change my coping mechanism. I'm looking for advice as how to help her, and what to do when she goes through a bad patch? Thankyou.

January 23rd, 2012, 05:51 PM
I think you just need to stick by her whatever mood she is in. That's probably the most important thing because you have to remember you are still a kid and deserve to have your childhood. You can always be there for your mum, look after her and talk to her about what she is feeling. Try to get a better understanding of her and it will make you closer. To be honest that is all I have, you can not be expecteded to grow up right now and take the place of an adult but helping your mum in whatever ways you can like around the house, just small things, it might make things easier for her as she will have less on her mind.
Be there for her but at the same time don't forget about yourself.

Deleted User
January 23rd, 2012, 07:21 PM
It's difficult growing up with a parent who is mentally ill. Remember though that, while you can be there to support her, it's not your job to look after her if she's stable now for the most part. Try to be there for her when you can and remember that if she says or does anything from when she wasn't stable, it's not her, it's the illness. Remind her you love her no matter what's going on and you should be proud she's managed to get this in check for the most part. :) Some parents don't know how to do that and it must have been hard for her. Sometimes seeing from her perspective a little can offer more support than you'd think when she needs it.

But you're the child in the relationship and it's understandable if it's too much for you to handle on your own. You shouldn't have to. You're still learning about your own life and shouldn't have to handle someone else's. Don't forget about yourself while supporting her, as Nikki said.

Good luck and I hope all is well for you and your mum. :)

fire and water
January 27th, 2012, 03:38 PM
Thankyou for your help:}