View Full Version : Almost uncontrollable urge

July 8th, 2011, 02:21 AM
So, this I think deserves some explanation of previous events leading up to the predicament I find myself in presently.

I have a friend, who I've known for 2 years now. We are good friends, however not "best" friends. This is partially my fault for not being as outgoing as I should have. Now, this friend has recently come out to me as bisexual or bi-curious (I'm not sure which, he was very vague). After coming out he very bluntly asked if I'd be willing to try things with him. To this point he would drop the occasional sexual reference, but now he turns almost anything into one. I've experimented with guys before but with him I find myself looking forward to it and then avoiding it. I'm not sure why this is and it's driving me crazy.

I have contemplated coming out to him as well but haven't done so yet, and have only contemplated it because he came out to me. Recently however, I have had this strong urge to come out to him. I have felt like I just had to do it, but I can't.

I have also imagined being in a relationship with him (which I don't see happening). I can't tell if this is because right now I am going through some tough times or what, I've had a strong desire to have a relationship with someone for a long time now. I would give anything to have someone who really cares about me, someone who loves me. Even if he wanted a relationship, I couldn't in good conscience start one because I'm moving away in 7 months.

I suppose my question here is: do you have any advice for me? Why and what am I feeling? What would you do?

Any help is appreciated. Thanks in advance.

July 8th, 2011, 05:08 AM
Maybe you don't feel that you know him well enough to trust him with a relationship or your secrete.

July 8th, 2011, 02:03 PM
Well i think you may have answered it yourself in your post:

Being afraid of commitment because you are moving away in 7 months and don't want to hurt him. Truthfully, I would just casually mention it..that you been thinking alot about what he told you and that you want to tell him something also..and just tell him. I think you will feel better about yourself (first priority) and then he will know...you can then talk about it..u may end up not doing anything depending on how things go...just keep an open mind.

July 9th, 2011, 05:02 PM
This guy must trust you if he's been willing to come out to you without even knowing that you're bi yourself! You clearly have feelings for him, and I think because the situation is so set up for you, you should really take advantage of it.

I know you've said you're moving away in 7 months, but that doesn't mean you can't enjoy these next 7 months together and then keep in contact over the phone and social networking etc. Yes you probably will have to break up with him if you even last those whole 7 months, but that's time enough to reach some kind of euphoria. Here's someone who would most likely be prepared to commit to you, and you're sitting here wondering whether to return the trust he put in you. Come on man, you've got a golden opportunity here; grasp it! :P Many couples wouldn't even last 7 months, let alone 1, so don't be put off by the fact you're going to be moving away in that time.

You've got a chance at finding happiness here, even if it is only temporary (like everything), so speak to this guy. I'm sure he would feel over the moon to know he'd confided in someone who knew exactly how he felt (with regards to sexuality). So not only would you possibly be finding your happiness for yourself, but almost certainly for him too.

July 10th, 2011, 04:20 AM
Thanks for the replies. I know it took a lot of trust from him in order to come out to me, and honestly that makes me feel really good. I just...well I just don't know how or what to say to him. I mean, yes I feel strongly the need to tell him I am bi, however at the same time it is hard for me to do so as I haven't come out to anyone else thus far. I honestly don't know if I have real feelings for this guy, or if the many common interests we share make him seem more attractive (personality wise). Keep the advice flowing, it's really helping. Thanks again, and rep will go around when I next get to my computer (using my phone now).

July 11th, 2011, 02:09 PM
its best u leave it if u dont wanna hurt him when u leave