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View Full Version : Wondering if it's possible that I might have bipolar?


Forest Rose
May 29th, 2011, 05:49 AM
Sorry this is so long...I just really need opinions.

I'm not self-diagnosing or anything like that, but it's something that I've read a little about and seem to fit with quite well...so I'm wondering if it's a possibility. I do have mood swings alternating between high and low, and the high ones tend to last weeks while the lows tend to last months. I've felt really kind of uncontrollable before, all over the place and trying desperately to keep some control through food and self-harm. When I feel low I tend to sleep quite a lot but not abnormally so, but when I feel "up" I tend to sleep very little. I've self-harmed a lot over time, and I attempted suicide, which ended up with an ambulance and police officer at the door and me having to go to hospital overnight. I get into arguments quite often with friends and family, and have done things such as nearly jumping of a bridge because of a completely unexplainable urge, and falling off a chair which I was sitting on (on top of a table) because I practically threw myself off and was laughing because the pain was so wonderful.

I tend to start things in mass, lots of things at once, and then crash and give them all up at once. I thought that I could hear other peoples' conversations or thoughts from far once because I was basically hearing unexplained voices, and things like this happened over about two weeks- but I'm wondering now if it was just vivid imagination and lack of sleep, or else some psychic experience, or maybe it never even happened.

The thing is that I wonder if this could be something like bipolar disorder or just teenage mood swings towards the extreme end. Some of these things seem pretty extreme but they almost feel like they never really happened, like they were a dream. I go between living in a vivid and clear world to living in a hazy, clouded world. Sometimes I feel like I'm just all over the place, and struggle to contain myself because I literally feel like exploding but at other times it's wonderful just letting go.

I don't really have a history of family mental illness- my mother self-harmed and was bulimic although she was never diagnosed in her teens, and my father, who I haven't seen since I was really young, could never hold down a job or relationship. He did some incredibly strange things and went into rages, and my mum mentioned that her guesses are that he had asperger's syndrome, bipolar disorder or just made bad choices. My granfather on my dad's side hung himself and so I never met him.

I suppose I just wonder what your opinions are, whether you think that I'm just experiencing teenage mood swings, or whether bipolar disorder or something else is possible. My mum has actually hinted at it before, saying "I can see your mood changes," and asking me if I related to a book which was partly about bipolar disorder, but honestly, I think she just thinks that I am experiencing teenage mood swings which is possible. I will be seeing CAMHS soon because of everything that's happened, but honestly I don't see what they can do to help. So I guess I'm just asking for your opinion and what you think I should do.

Forest Rose x

restricted NA
May 29th, 2011, 02:32 PM
deleted

Forest Rose
May 30th, 2011, 05:50 AM
Thanks for the reply. In truth I think I'm probably just overreacting, after all lots of teenagers struggle, right? It's just confusing because it could be depression, but I just feel like that would have to be more extreme (I never feel that it's extreme enough if it's happening to me, if that makes sense) and also surely more consistant? It tends to be like that for long periods of time and then lift off, but it always seems to come back. And there's the fact that I do have highs but they tend not to be nearly as often or long (2-3weeks, really) so it's probably just teenage hyper. :) There was a time a few weeks ago when I was hardly sleeping at all and one night went completely without sleep and was so full of energy, and the next day got into a situation where I stormed away from my friends, yelled at them to stop trying to stop me from doing things in the middle of a shopping centre (I feel terrible now) self-harmed in the shopping centre and then rushed around buying completely random things while I had people asking me if I was okay. "Yes!!" I suppose that it might have been an incredibly ironic way of processing lack of sleep.

Now it's back to drawn curtains and thoughts of suicide, and wondering if I imagined my entire life, trying to remember what an ordinary day feels like, involving getting up and out of the house. But I'll stop going on now, things usually sound much more dramatic when I write them out and I have the energy to type this out, don't I? ;) I'll be seeing somebody soon anyway, so if I really do need help or can be helped they might be able to help.

Thanks for the reply and sorry this is so long :(